Parenting Toddlers

She’s perfect to me, but she doesn’t always act it.

The other day, I had enough of Peanut. She was an angel for the first three years of her life, and now she’s turned into…I don’t even know what. I wonder if she’s going through her terrible two’s late or her teenage years early. She is just out of control sassy. So she was in the bath and I was trying to wash her hair. This is a process every time because she has so much of it. So I was trying to rinse the shampoo out when she began fidgiting. I told her it only made it take longer, let me finish and then she could play in the bath. She kept moving away. Do that one more time and you’re going straight to bed after your bath, I told her. So she did it again. I scooped her up, dried her off, put pjs on her, and off she went to bed. But not so simply as that.

She didn’t understand that she had to stay in bed (it was about an hour before she normally goes to bed). She thought she had to stay in for a few minutes then she could go downstairs again. When she realized that this was not the case, she threw the best tantrum of her life. Screaming, freaking out. I’m surprised she didn’t froth at the mouth. I was standing firm, but what almost got me was this: “But I didn’t get to see Daddy all day. I want to hang out with him some more.” Awww…right in the heart. Her father had just got home from work, and she really hadn’t seen him but a bit. And he’d be at work the next day as well. Poor baby. I almost, almost told her she could come down in a few minutes when she was calm.

Almost. This little fiasco taught me the importance of remaining firm and not giving in to a three year old. It was really really hard to listen to hear cry - she sounded so sad. But if I had, it’s like saying, “You don’t really need to listen to me. You can do whatever you want, get a little slap on the wrist (so to speak), and then go about your day.” For a smart kid, this is just the price of business. They’ll wait it out and then continue to misbehave. That’s what we’ve discovered with Peanut. So, her consequence this time was to take away something she really wanted, hanging out with us downstairs. And not for a few minutes. I think it was really the first time she had to deal with her behavior by missing out on something - time outs are great, but again, patient kids can just wait it out. This was different for her, and for me. It was really hard! You wouldn’t think putting your kid to bed early would be so traumatic!

But hopefully the point was learned by her. She needs to listen the first time. If not, she gets her warning. If she does it again, she gets the consequence that fits the crime. The point for us is to really make sure it is a deterrent. Sending her to bed was. Her behavior since has been much better - we’ll see how long that lasts. But now at least she sees that we’re serious and that when she does something she’s told not to, she is going to have to take the consequences. I learned my lesson - or rather had it reinforced - that I need to be firm. Caving and letting her see her dad would have negated any point I was trying to make. Instead, I had her calm down and sent him up to give her a kiss and hug for bed. Then he left. She eventually was able to calm down enough and we discussed why I was sending her to bed. This is really important because toddlers may get so worked up that they really don’t remember or understand what they did. So we talked about it, and she seemed to get it. She didn’t like it, but she did seem to understand.

I made sure to keep my voice calm and level, and when I left, I said “I love you.” She said “I love you too, Mommy.” That made it a tiny bit harder too! She is a sweet kid and I hate to take things she likes away. But her behavior has to be more acceptable. It makes it more enjoyable to hang out for everyone.