Parenting Toddlers

Bryan brought up a great point that has been on my list to write about when he said, “I tried to balance his motor skills with whatever electronic game he might be playing. I really hope to be more determined about motor skill activities with our next little one.” Bryan, if you were aware enough to make the effort to balance your son’s game playing with other developmental skills, you were doing an excellent job of helping your son develop his fine motor skills.

It is common among parents, especially first-time parents, to strive for nothing short of their definition of perfection. I am not exception. When Zoey was born, I made every attempt to be the perfect mommy I envisioned throughout my childhood. This brought with it a bit of guilt when I started getting involved with parenting groups. Everyone had their own idea of perfect parenting.

When Keenan was born, I quickly discovered that I could not be 100% “there” for both children 100% of the time. And that was my definition of the perfect mother: one who could always be there to hold my child’s hand through every hardship. That and a squeaky clean, perfectly dressed child in a squeaky clean, perfectly organized house. Those of you with more than one child are either laughing yourselves off your chairs or nodding your heads in “been there, done that” mode.

I spent far too much time researching parenting in an attempt to find the perfect parenting style that would assure my children the most wholesome upbringing. Naturally I gained some excellent information on parenting. Unfortunately, it also resulted in a lack of confidence in my instincts, and I lived in a constant state of stress because I was never doing enough — in my opinion. I was certain my children were doomed to live a miserable existence because of my ineptitude.

I have since learned that the perfect parent is nothing but a myth. I can’t say that I’m now living a guilt-free existence, but I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin and my personal philosophy on parenting. I continue to learn and apply to new approaches, but I only glean what meets my definition of appropriate parenting. When I make mistakes, I admit to them so my children see an example of how to learn from mistakes and move on.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution to parenting. Not even in my own family. We have a general parenting philosophy and style in our home, and then we have the individualized style for each child based on their personalities and needs. So what works for Jane at your playgroup may not work for you nor may it even be appropriate for your child. Define your goals and stick with what works for you even if Aunt Darla is frowning and shaking her head.

© Copyright 2007 Rebecca Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Used with permission.

Photo credit: morgueFile user: Chi

parenting toddlers, parenting styles