Parenting Toddlers

Does your toddler’s closet like this this?
Or like this…?

The second one is clearly in the home of overachievers with nannies and who have already instilled the fear of mess into their children. While Peanut’s closet doesn’t quite look like the first picture, I can definitely sympathize. It is hard to organize children’s clothes. I was going nuts this summer because I had to make room for the Little Guy’s things in Peanut’s closet - hopefully a house with three bedrooms is in our future! But for now, we will make due with two. Anyway, I had to figure out how to organize baby clothes and toddler clothes. I tried a system that is shown in the following picture:

The hanging organizer with sections looks like a great way to separate clothes and keep them tidy. The problem that we ran into was that it quickly got messy. Everything got jumbled. I am a huge proponent of Peanut doing things for herself, and everything got all bunched up, and it was hard to get what we wanted on a given day.

You want to know what works really well for us? I have three baskets in Peanut’s closet, and a little basket on her bookshelf. In one basket goes sweaters, in another goes shirts, and the last goes pants. In the little basket is underwear and socks. When I do laundry, I have Peanut help me put it away and it takes seconds. We just throw them in the baskets. This does a few things: laundry is much quicker. Peanut can help me put it away. I just have to tell her to go get an outfit to wear, and she can do it quickly and easily. It actually stays really organized. Toddler clothes are great because most of them do not show wrinkles or look any worse for the wear of being thrown in a basket. I can always hang up her dresses and nicer clothes on hangers. There, done. It’s easy. It won’t appear in any magazine, but it really works well for us. I do the same thing with the Little Guy’s clothes. One basket for pjs and one for separates. I am way too busy to spend much more time than that on clothing!

Another thing that is hard to organize is TOYS. As parents of toddlers, we all have a billion of them in our homes. If you have more than one child, forget about it. I’m surprised there is room for us between Peanut’s stuffed animals and the baby’s chew toys. Again, the Little Guy is pretty easy. Up in their room, I have a basket of his toys. This basket fits perfectly under his crib so it’s out of the way. If we’re playing up there and want a toy, it’s right there. Out of sight yet easy to access. Peanut presents more of a challenge because she has a ton of stuff. Her grandparents used to send her home with a new buddy every week. That got a bit out of control.

So the first issue is stuffed animals. She insists on having ALL OF THEM on her bed. Yes, all of them. I tried putting them in her brother’s crib (he doesn’t sleep there yet!) so she could still get at them but have room on her bed to sleep. Nope, she would have none of that. So I’m not sure how I’d organize them. We sort of have our answer to that. I did go through and clean them out. I grabbed ten or twenty and put them in bags in the closet. She never missed them. Once, I took them out and she saw them (darn it!) and it was like Christmas. I know some people have those little hammocks that can hang in the corner that work pretty well.

As for the rest of her toys: I kind of categorize them. She has her kitchen stuff. Her pots and pans and food are all in her kitchen. That is pretty easy to control because it makes sense that that is where those things go. I have a clear plastic tub for her art stuff and a basket for her miscellaneous toys. Both of these fit on a bookshelf so it tidies the room a bit more. She has a tub for her little animals - that need to be out of the way because of the Little Guy. She has a shelf that is built into our entertainment center for her books, and that pretty much does it.

I think that the biggest thing is to have a system that works for your family. If you have a beautifully organized shelf of toys with everything in its place and a neatly lined bookshelf, you are going to be the one that has to keep it that way. Toddlers are not ready for that. They throw books back onto shelves, they mix plastic puppies with crayons. Anything goes. So you need to find a system in which the toddler is the one who takes responsibility. When Peanut destroys the living room, I need to be able to say to her, “Clean up time.” And she needs a system that she understands and that she can handle. I can always modify it as she grows older. Right now, though, independence is key. Also, I have things to do! I can’t spend my day making her toys look nice. You have to deal with a certain amount of mess with a toddler but also teaching them how to clean it up themselves is essential.

What works for you? Do you have special shelves, baskets, or containers? Do you embrace chaos or demand tidiness? How much does your toddler do to help putting away clothes or toys?

Here’s a link for a post on organizing your child’s room frugally. I’m all for that! If I don’t have to buy an $80 shelf, I’m happy!

Check out 451Press’s other great parenting blogs…they’re great if you have kids and teens too. We cover all the bases here!

Bo is a great helper.

I love to make cookies with Peanut. It’s our fun mother/daughter activity. For a while, every time she took a nap, she’d ask if we could make chocolate chips when she woke up. The problem with chocolate chip cookies is that she’ll eat half a cookie, and then I eat a dozen. No good! So here are some healthier options that you can try with your little chef. It also might help your picky eater to try new things.

This is a really cute one from FamilyFun.. It’s great for animal lovers - which Peanut definitely is. All you need are tortillas, cookie cutters, cooking spray, and salt. Here’s what you do:

1. Use animal-shaped cookie cutters to cut shapes from a large flour tortilla. You can also use whatever you have on hand. Stars, trees, whatever. Animals are just kid magnets though.

2. Arrange the animals on a baking sheet, lightly coat them with cooking spray, and sprinkle them with salt.

3. Bake at 350° for 5 to 7 minutes, and your chips are ready for a dip in salsa or guacamole.

Peanut does eat salsa, as long as it is not too spicy. Her father and I use our garden veggies to make a mild, even sweet tasting salsa in the summer, that she really likes. Again, it might help get some veggies into your toddler. Everyone loves to dip stuff.

Sandwich on a Stick - this is a cool one because Peanut always likes the stuff in sandwiches but not the bread. She’ll eat a little but not the whole piece. This puts it into manageable pieces so you don’t waste bread.

bread
cheese
lunch meat
grape tomatoes
lettuce
pickles
olive
1. Cut up cubes of bread, cheese, and lunch meat (we ordered 1/2-inch-thick slices of ham and turkey at the deli counter).

2. Slide the cubes onto a skewer with other foods your child likes, such as a grape tomato, a piece of lettuce, a pickle, or an olive.

3. Set out a side of mayo or mustard for dippin.

Yum and fun.

Gotta have dessert. Unlike chocolate chip cookies, these are healthier. Peanut loves pops.

1/2 pint strawberries
1 banana
2 8-oz. containers nonfat strawberry yogurt
1 cup lowfat milk
1. Ask your child to wash the fresh strawberries, hull them, and pat them dry. Peel the banana and slice it in half or in quarters, then place all the fruit in an electric blender.

2. Spoon the yogurt into the blender, then pour in the milk. After sealing the lid, press the puree button and blend until smooth and thoroughly combined, about 1 to 2 minutes.

3. Pour the shake into four 8-ounce glasses. For a creative presentation, have your child garnish each drink with a fruit kebob (a strawberry and banana slice threaded on a bamboo skewer) and a colorful plastic straw. Makes 32 ounces, or four 8-ounce shakes.

4. TIP: An adult should always be present when children use a blender. Keep the blender away from water and make sure the lid is tightly shut before pressing the puree button.

5. To make Frozen Strawberry Pops, pour smoothie mixture into a Popsicle mold or into small paper cups, cover with foil then insert a craft stick.

6. Carefully pour the Strawberry Yogurt Smoothie mixture into a plastic Popsicle mold. Freeze for 4 to 6 hours. Dip the mold in warm water, then unmold the Popsicles. Makes 6 to 8 Popsicles.

Your toddler can help with each of these recipes and will enjoy eating the end product.

I love sleep. It is in my top five of favorite things to do. Having a baby kind of ruins this though! The Little Guy is slowly getting better at sleeping. Many mornings, he’s out cold at around seven or seven-thirty. I can lie in bed and just sort of relax. Until Peanut comes tripping in, asking me to go downstairs and play. “Just another minute, please.” I’m lucky because usually Peanut will either lie down in bed with me or she’ll go play in her room for a little while. Those extra minutes mean a lot.

Sometimes, your toddler may get up way earlier than you are ready for or earlier than they need to be up. Remember, toddlers need at least twelve hours of sleep per day to function properly - and also to act like human beings instead of temper tantrum machines.

There are some different things you can try to get your toddler to sleep a little longer in the mornings - or get used to a night/day schedule. This is good because many children have to get up and go to daycare or the babysitter, and soon, it’ll be time for preschool when you need to be somewhere on time.

The first thing you can do is lock your child up and only let them out when you’re ready. No, just kidding! Please don’t do that. How about a cute alarm clock instead? There is one called the KidSleep Toddler Clock that will help your child know when it is time to get up even before he/she can tell time.

The Kidsleep has two images - one a daytime bunny and one a nighttime bunny. You program in the time you want your child to wake up at or stay in bed until. When the bunny is asleep, it’s sleepy time. When it’s awake, it’s time to get up. According to the KidSleep website:

Through gentle reinforcement, praise and encouragement the vast majority of children will be getting into a better sleep pattern within a week meaning more sleep for mum and dad and hopefully a vastly improved quality of life.

You may have noticed the word “mum.” This is an English product, and I don’t know if it’s available in the US. Of course, you can by anything online, and this is for sale for 35 pounds. I just found a similar one by KidSleep on Ebay. It has a rabbit face on the clock, and at night, the rabbit’s eyes are closed and his ears are down. During the day, his eyes and ears are up and ready for action This is cute too, and a bit over $18.

If you’re a cheapo - or frugal - you can do this with any kind of clock. If you have a digital alarm clock, you can tell your child to look at it. If it reads 7:00 (or whatever), then they can get up. If they don’t know what 7:00 looks like, you can write it on an index card and tape it to the wall by the clock. I’ve heard that this really works, and you don’t have to spend any money. Always good. You could also take a regular clock with hands (an analogue clock), and use a marker to draw an arrow or something to the time when you’re child can get up. On second thought, that might be a little hard for a toddler to read, but you could always give it a try.

Another good idea is to get a nightlight that is on a timer. You program in the time you want your child to be up. The nightlight shuts off at that time. Your child has an easy visual to help them stay in bed until the proper time. (Speaking of nightlights, here’s a post on the Tykelight. We just had to get a new nightlight for Peanut.)

Something else to try is to determine if your child is getting enough sleep. If she goes to bed at seven and wakes up at five or six, and also takes a nap during the day, she should be getting up at five! She’s slept enough. We usually put Peanut to bed at 8:30 - 9:00. She sleeps until about 7:00 or 7:30. Then she has a two hour nap during the day. That’s twelve total hours, and she gets plenty of sleep to function - and be nice. If you’re putting your toddler to bed at seven, but want her to sleep until seven, try putting her to bed a bit later, especially if she takes a nap during the day.

On the other hand, some kids stay up too late, and that causes them to be sleep-deprived. They will actually wake up too early instead of sleeping in. I’ve noticed that on special occasions, like when we’re visiting family, when Peanut goes to bed at 10:00 or 11:00, she’ll still get up at 7:00 or 8:00. It’s not like she’s a teenager who sleeps until noon. So going to bed late can cause early rising. Look at your toddlers patterns and determine if you need to adjust bedtimes. Sometimes you need a little more time in the morning to get ready or grab some Zs and it’s helpful if your child is sleeping. Also, they need to sleep! A lot.

Honestly, I would never have thought to get Peanut a special alarm clock or a time programmed nightlight. I think I’d have better luck with a preset coffee maker in her room. Anyway, something that works for us is to say “Go back to bed.” Old fashioned parenting; no programming required. Sometimes I’ll send Peanut up for a nap, and she’ll come down a half hour later. I know that she hasn’t slept, so I send her back up. Usually, she just goes. Even if she has a fit - that’s what toddlers do. Send them anyway. They’ll go. They need the sleep. It’s not like you’re being mean to them. It’s nice to have a few morning minutes to yourself, but it’s also essential that your toddler gets sleep. I do think the alarm clocks are a great idea for toddlers that get up and want to play at 4:00 or 5:00. Especially on your day off! And remember that you should do what is best for your whole family. If having a toddler up and starting her day at 5:00 is disruptive to your other children and to you and your partner, then it needs to be remedied. I am a huge fan of sleep for the whole family.

Does anyone have this problem? What has worked for you and your family?

The other day, I was working. I really was. I was doing some research, and I happened upon an article about Tori Spelling. She talked about her son, Liam’s, potty training process. Here’s a bit of the article:

He’s in the trenches and started his potty training, People say how do you know when your kids are ready to potty train, and I knew because he would come up to me and go ‘poo’ and just hold himself…His new thing is that he likes to greet people, and he loves the movie Cars. So, he wants to show you cars on his Pull Ups, so he pulls down his pants, and he’s like, Cars. The other day while shopping at Barney’s, a fan came up and recognized me and said hi to Liam, and he dropped his pants and said, ‘Cars’!

I don’t know about you, but I hate it when Peanut pulls her pants down in Barney’s. Really. Isn’t that a Nordstrom type of thing to do?

What I wanted to talk about was pull-ups though. When Peanut was potty training, we were willing to try anything. So her grandmother got her some pull-ups for their house. Now, I know the draw of these special diapers is that they are more like underwear and encourage toddlers to pull them on down and go potty. Well, that was not the case for us. Pull-ups weren’t for us for a few reasons:

* They’re more expensive than regular diapers. That’s something to consider when you’re going through them in the potty training process.

* They’re a pain in the butt to change when the kid does soil them. For some reason, I hated changing pull-ups. I think they smell funny…does any else think this? It would help to know I’m not crazy.

* I didn’t find they helped Peanut much. She was not more likely to go to the bathroom if she was wearing them. Basically, it was an overpriced diaper with Dora designs. I don’t want to pay extra for Dora. Lo siento, Dora.

*It was just as easy to get a regular diaper on and off. Peanut always asked for help so it was moot.

* They keep your toddler dry. This is a great quality in a diaper, but not for a toddler. Sitting in a wet stinky pair of undies is motivating. Not having to stop playing to pee and still being completely dry is not. Peanut got the point when she could feel the wetness.

Randi, who is my source for both entertainment news and parenting advice, said they skipped them altogether and went right to underpants. For Peanut, I agree. It was only when we dived right into wearing underpants ALL THE TIME that the potty training took off. She peed through several pairs, but hey, you can reuse underwear! It only took a few days for her to get the hang of it. I was amazed at how quickly she took to it, because we’d been working on potty training for quite some time. Then all of a sudden, it clicked.

I’m not anti pull-up though. I am all for trying anything that you think will work for your child. If it’s wearing underwear and having scheduled bathroom trips, that’s fine. If it’s pull-ups, fine. Rewards, good. It is really up to you. There is no right way to potty train. Randi’s children both wore underpants, and I think once her son peed or pooped (I love having a parenting blog because I get to use the word “poop” without feeling quite so stupid) on the floor. He didn’t have an accident - he intentionally went. So they disciplined him. I had always heard that you never say a harsh word during potty training, but then I realized, Yeah, he went on the floor. On purpose. He didn’t even attempt to get to the potty. I know she would never have disciplined him for not making it. Accidents happen - a lot of them! They still do. But bad behavior is bad behavior. So I felt a bit more free putting Peanut in punishment for just going without even trying to get to the toilet.

Anyway, the point of that is to do what is right for your family and which follows your parenting philosophy. That was kind of unrelated to pull-ups, wasn’t it? Well, back to pull-ups then. I typed in “Should I use pull-ups?” and there are a ton of sites that help you decide. A good one that has the pros of pull-ups can be found here. One good reason would be that before Peanut was really ready to use the potty, we were still encouraging her to go. Pull-ups are good in this stage because potty training was so inconsistent. Also, nighttime is a good time for pull-ups, even if your child is in underwear during the day (although, again, I found regular diapers easier).

What do you think? Did you use pull-ups? Are you now? What is working for your child?

I had to share this with you. Today, I had a much-needed day off. My partner and I are trying this little experiment to see how it works; we look at his work schedule and then schedule our own days off. He goes ice fishing or pursues other very manly hobbies. I usually drink tons of coffee, play on my laptop, and knit while I watch SVU. I tell you: I know how to party. Anyway, today, he took Peanut and the Little Guy to visit their Uncle C. Uncle C’s girlfriend has a nephew who is seven, and he was spending the day there. They had a great time playing, and Peanut loved going outside and sliding. Apparently, though, Peanut could not remember the nephew’s name for a while, so she called him George. And she also started calling him “That Creepy Kid.” Like they were sitting down to eat lunch, and she’d say, “That creepy kid and I slided down the hill.”

When her father told me that, I couldn’t help it. I got hysterical laughing. I love my Peanut because she’ll just say what she thinks. I know I have to talk to her about not hurting people’s feelings and keeping some of her thoughts for herself - or at least waiting until they’re out of earshot. But seriously, wouldn’t you laugh??

The other day I wrote about playing with toddlers, so it’s only fitting that I should write about not playing with your toddlers. TV. In some households, it’s a dirty word. In others, it’s a constant companion. I’m guessing most of us lie somewhere in the middle. The American Academy of Pediatricians recommends that children watch no more than two hours of television per day. I was thinking about how much television Peanut watches: we usually watch Curious George in the morning and then turn the TV off. She turns the TV off because she doesn’t like the show that is on after George. I think it’s great that she doesn’t get sucked into the TV world mindlessly - she watches what she likes and that’s it. Unlike me…if they have marathons of something I like, I will watch it all day. I will be stuck there and be unable to tear myself away. They’re tricky: they start the new episode with no break in between the last one so you can’t get up in time! So, I will have to use my daughter as an example for my own television viewing. In the afternoon, we watch - guess what? - Curious George again. If you wanted to, you could watch that show four times a day. Yes, it’s true. I think we have before too. The Little Guy tries to sneak a look too, but we don’t allow him to watch any television.

Statistics show that kids spend an average of four hours each day watching television and DVDs. Add another two for time on the computer. That’s a lot of stimulation. The University of Maine has a fact sheet for families with some interesting information. For instance, children watch an average of 12,000 violent acts on TV per year. During children’s programming, there are an average of twenty violent acts per hour. Excessive TV watching seems to contribute to obesity, poor school performance, early sexual activity, aggressive behavior, and more.

This is not an anti-TV post. I think television is fine in moderation and that it can even be good for children. I also think that TV is a fact of life and instead of blaming it for a variety of faults, maybe we can work with it to create the best situation for our toddlers. The Research Center for Families and Children says that appropriate shows can stimulate prosocial behavior and creativity. So if your child watches TV, these are some things that may help avoid problems and promote good behavior. I know a couple who has a toddler. Mom works and Dad stays home with the child. They are concerned that his language is lagging - it makes sense because his father has a speech difficulty. I think, Why not let him watch some Curious George or Clifford? They speak very clearly and at a pace that is easy for young children to follow. They use a variety of words. At least it would expose him to language.

**The first is to limit the amount of television. An hour a day? None during the week and then a few movies during the weekend? Whatever works for your family is fine, as long as your child isn’t spending the bulk of his day in front of the TV.

**Selection. I think this is even more important: quality vs. quantity. I’d rather Peanut watch two hours of good programming than half an hour of crap. Last year when we were on vacation, Peanut got tired of shopping so I took her back to the hotel. There wasn’t much to do so I tried to find something she could watch. There was a cartoon channel, but everything was super high-speed, flashy graphics, and incoherent stories. She hated them, and I could feel the ADD coming on. I like the PBS cartoons.

**Participate. Talk about what you’re watching with your child. This helps them learn to watch something and discuss it, and teaches them that talking is a two way street. Also, the PBS shows often have a moral, so you can discuss that as well. Sharing, telling the truth, being nice to others…they’re good lessons for children to learn.

**Move. I’m a huge fan of PBS Kids. In between shows, they have activities which include “Moving and Grooving” time and singing. Peanut gets up and dances or sings along, so she’s not staying static for a half hour. It’s not the only movement she gets, and it is not nearly enough for toddlers, but it’s a good start. And it breaks up the sit-in-front-of-the-TV mindlessly pattern (which I fall into! Grownups need to move and groove too).

** Evaluate commercials. Teach your children about advertisements and what the goals of commercials are. It might help you avoid situations in which your child wants everything they see an ad for…by the way, Clifford has an episode on this very subject! PBS doesn’t play ads, so that’s another advantage there.

**Watch what you watch. Keep in mind that toddlers have sponges for brains and they pick up so much. Be careful which of your own programs you watch when your children are around.

TV is so addicting because it seems to anesthetize us. And it does so for kids. That’s why it’s so easy to put on a show while we make dinner or clean up or have a minute to ourselves. I don’t think this is necessarily wrong, but it can be taken to the extreme. I know that after a long day, you may not be up to a rousing game of tag or hide and seek. If you do put on a movie, make sure that you participate and watch it actively with your child.

What shows do your children watch? How much do you let them watch?

Happy Valentines Day! Tell your toddler that you love him/her a few extra times today.

Don’t you hate it when you read an article two years ago and can’t find it instantly online? I expect way more from the internet, and it has let me down. So you’ll have to trust my recall of the article Anyway, it was about which duties parents disliked most. Hands down, it was playing with their children. Housework ranked higher on the list than playing with their children. And yet, children were listed as the most important aspects of their lives.

So what’s the disconnect here? I love my children; they are my world. I love looking at them and hearing them and going places with them and showing them off and talking about them. I do not like playing with them. So there’s my confession. I dislike pretending I’m Scar. I do not like going on the playground to dig in the dirt. Occasionally, I’ll talk myself into having fun but really, I’m an adult. It’s boring. It’s excruciating at times. (What is fun is hide and seek. I’ll hide in the bathroom, say, and when Peanut opens the door, I yell “Boo!” This is kind of mean, but it’s hilarious. She gets this startled look on her face every time and then starts laughing. Even then, two rounds is my max.)

I found a great post about this on a site called Netmums about this very thing. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Here’s a comment from a woman who has children aged 8, 5, and 2.

I’ve always been very honest about the fact that I’ve found parenting boring at times. Sometimes I want to beat my head against the wall playing snakes and ladders, but other times when we have a fantastic day out, or do something new and different, I love it. Whenever I get down about my life at home, I think back to full-time work and how boring that was, and remind myself the grass isn’t always
greener!

Yes, that’s true. It’s a good thing to remind myself of. The post also listed some ways you can make spending time with your children more fun for both of you.

Add some variety. I can clap my hands for an hour with the Little Guy and it’s fun because his laugh is still so new and adorable. But for Peanut, it is important we have variety. Try new games. She mentioned Go Fish and so we may get some cards and try to learn that game. Just something different to keep us from going crazy. Or me from going crazy. A whole world of board games awaits us (I hate board games too, even adult ones. Ah well.)

Go somewhere with other kids and parents. We have a story hour at our library and this is great. Peanut loves it, and it’s easier to have fun when you see a lot of other people. It’s nice to get out and socialize, even if you end up talking about your kids and are known as “Peanut’s mom.” I like going anywhere with Peanut and the Little Guy, even grocery shopping. We turned the Little Guy’s doctor’s appointment into quite the fun outing. Peanut actually loves her pediatrician. I may have mentioned this, but she got a vet’s outfit for Christmas, with stethoscope and the whole thing. Anyway, she dresses up and pretends she’s Dr. Moore. It’s really cute. Anyway, she loves going because they have a great waiting room. It is stocked full of things that kids love…blocks, trucks, those bead maze things, and Little Tikes slides and tunnels. So we played there and got to see kids and parents.

Let them play. Peanut is great at playing by herself. I feel like a neglectful mom when I let her. But this is actually a great skill. How many people do you know who need constant attention and entertainment? Aren’t they a drain? Isn’t it nice to be alone and be able to entertain and enjoy yourself without having to have added stimulation? It’s a good skill when everyone else is at work.

Here is some expert advice from lifestyle coach Patricia Carswell that was posted in this article. I think it’s really helpful for those of us who feel guilty about not playing enough or not enjoying it.

You don’t have to enjoy the same activities as your three-year old to be an involved, caring parent. But the reality is that the one activity they’ll pester you to do is the very one that you can’t stand. Some mums find that setting clear limits is the best sanity-saver. Agree to the game, but for a strictly limited time - and then do something different. That way you’re not always saying no, but won’t lose your mind. Children love their parents to play with them, but it’s also important for them to learn to occupy themselves, to develop their imagination and independence.

Forget about what other mothers say and do. Yes, many mums genuinely enjoy repeated games of Pop-up Pirate…there are even some who get pleasure from Balamory. But if that’s not you, don’t beat yourself up. Parenthood isn’t a club based round a set of activities you’re expected to enjoy. It’s a relationship as unique as any other, so do it your way.

Good advice…and for some good suggestions on some crafts and other things to do with your kids, check out ParentingOurChildren.

Peanut’s favorite question is, “Should I be going to Grandma’s today?” When I ask her what she wants to do for the day, she invariably replies, “Go to Grandma’s.” This kid adores her grandmother. She goes every Friday for Grandma Day and gets to play and get spoiled to her heart’s content. Grandma never says no to playing and if she’s doing anything, she’ll put it aside for Peanut. Now, this is not like me. I have to do the dishes or clean or cook dinner or do my work or feed the baby…Peanut hears “No” a lot from me. So she loves going to Grandma’s.

I think this is the cutest thing in the world. When I was little, my grandmother seemed like the oldest person ever. I thought she was ancient - there was no way she was getting down on the floor to play with us. She died at the age of 92 a few years ago. In fact, yesterday, she would have been 99. Anyway, Peanut has a totally different experience with her grandmothers. They are quite a bit younger - her paternal grandmother is not even fifty. Both grammies will play, go outside, take walks, and do other fun stuff with Peanut.

Because I was not close to my own grandmother, I think it is so wonderful that Peanut has two awesome grandmothers - and even a great grandmother! - to play with. She’s a little put out that she has to share them with the Little Guy, but she’s getting better about that too. Yesterday, Peanut went ice fishing with her father and the Little Guy went to Grandma’s. That’s right - a blessed day off for me! But I’m sure the Little Guy will be begging to go to Grandma’s as soon as he can talk.

I used to be kind of jealous about how much Peanut loved her grandmothers. In fact, she called both of them “Mama,” for the longest time. She was almost two before she called them “Grandma.” When we visited, she was act like we didn’t exist - she wouldn’t listen. With a little work, that was remedied, and she listens now when we’re there. But the sun rises and sets with Grandma. Now I have a better attitude towards this. I am so thankful that they are both there and that they both want to spend so much time with Peanut.

Do your toddlers have grandparents in their lives? What is their relationship like? I am always envious when I hear of someone who is very close with their grandparents - I think it is such an important and special relationship, and I’m glad my kids have that.

I am very very proud of myself today. I thought I’d share this with you even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with toddlers. I made a sweater! Yea!! All by myself. Oh wait, here’s the connection to toddlers - it looks like someone gave a toddler some knitting needles and out came this piece. It’s a little scraggly, and I messed up on the hood, but it would fit on a baby and it would keep him warm, so mission accomplished.

Here’s yet another connection to toddlers - see I do have a point!: I realized that I don’t have to be perfect at something the first time. Whenever Peanut tries to do something and can’t on the first try, I’m always very patient. I tell her to try again and not get frustrated. An example of this was the other night: all of a sudden we hear Peanut screaming like she had the most horrible nightmare. The problem? Her blankets had gotten messed up and she was too freaked out and tired to fix them. She tried once and then just lost it. The next day, we had a bed making session. I showed her how to fix her blankets herself and then had her practice. It’s a little thing, but when you have kids, you value your sleepy time. Even during practice, she started getting frustrated. I talked her through it and she was fine. Now she has the tools to do it herself at night. One more step towards independence!

It was the same with this sweater. The only thing I’d made before was scarves, which do not require any fancy moves with a knitting needle. Whenever I saw a dropped stitch or some squiggly uneven rows, I’d think to myself: wow, I’ve learned so many things I didn’t know before. I’ve learned how to do a purl stitch, how to do ribbing, how to do a stocking stitch, how to pick up stitches, how to use a stitch holder, how to read a pattern, I learned enough to be able to figure out even more. Even though my product wasn’t perfect, I have a huge amount of knowledge that I didn’t before and that will help me make my next sweater that much better.

This is a pretty big step for me because usually I am so hard on myself. If it’s not perfect, I criticize myself like crazy. Maybe some of my parenting is rubbing off on me. It’s nice when that happens.

Another thing: knitting is very relaxing. If you have toddlers, you definitely need to do something that gives you a little break, allows you to rest your mind, and calms your nerves. Knitting does it for me! Give it a try - you can force your toddler to wear all sorts of embarrassing clothes! You can check out a pro at Knitting Passion, which is a great site for ideas and inspiration.

“Depression is the inability to construct a future.” I found this quote about depression, and it seems very true to me. I’ve never heard that but when you have depression, you can’t even think of what’s next. It’s too overwhelming.

It is the middle of winter, and I feel like the walls are closing in on me. When we go outside, the snowbanks are taller than Peanut. It’s often too cold to take both Peanut and the Little Guy out. All I want to do is crawl into bed and hibernate like a bear until April. Then, I can pop out, take a walk in the sunshine - or even the rain. I don’t care. I don’t have seasonal affect disorder (SAD). I have depression, and winter seems to be making it worse this year. When you have a toddler - full of energy and life - it is really not an option to wallow in your depression. How can you deal with the demands of your toddler when you just don’t think you can make it through the day? I sometimes think of what it’ll be like when the Little Guy is a toddler and Peanut is older, and they’re both running around. Instead of thinking how nice it’ll be that they can talk to each other or go outside and play together, I think of the chaos that I’ll have to deal with, and I don’t feel up to the task.

I’m sure there are lots of parents out there who struggle with this, and it is hard. It is really hard feeling like you are failing your kids, and not being the parent you could be. After Peanut was born, I went through a period of euphoria. I loved being a mother, and I loved all the time I spent with Peanut. This lasted less than a month, and then I felt my mood tumble. I got irrationally angry - more than anger, almost rage - at my partner. I didn’t want to do anything. Then I got sick with pancreatitis and had to spend a week in the hospital. Peanut was three months old. When I got out, I didn’t want to take care of her. I never felt like hurting her, but I didn’t really want to deal with her. Finally, I plucked up my courage and went to my doctor. I was able to make the appointment and tell the nurse and my doctor that I was having some postpartum depression. This wasn’t entirely the truth because I’ve had it as long as I can remember, but it was so much easier to admit to postpartum depression for some reason.

My doctor told me that I would probably always have to be on a medication and that I should just think of it like a vitamin that I take. She also gave me my best advice; not to have an ideal that I pressured myself to live up to. Sometimes I just had to be good enough to make it through the day. After the Little Guy was born, I didn’t have the month long euphoria - it was straight to feeling depressed. I’d stopped taking medication while I was pregnant because I kept getting conflicting advice about what was safe, and I hated the thought of hurting the Little Guy. I told that to my doctor and told her that I didn’t want my children to end up like me. She said that the best thing to do then was to take care of myself. Children model what they see, and I will be damned if my kids end up depressed - if I can at all help it.

I feel like it’s starting to take root again, and I feel myself wanting to shut down. Meanwhile Peanut is the Tasmanian Devil with enough energy for ten people. So what do you do?

When she was a baby, my method was to make a list. My “This Is What I Have To Do” list. Have, as in absolutely essential. So for a while, my list was like this: 1. Take a walk.

And that’s it. Of course, I had to care for Peanut. But taking a walk was the extent of my obligations. When I was able to cross that off, I felt less pressure. Then if I could get anything else done, it was extra, and if I couldn’t, I didn’t “fail” for the day. Gradually my list got longer. 1. Take a walk. 2. Do the dishes. 3. Get groceries…

I eventually started doing some part-time work, and that helped me feel better too. I was able to stay at home with Peanut but also do something non-Peanut related. Now that it’s starting to come back in full force, I think I have to do my list again. 1. Exercise. 2. Read to Peanut. Do you see how easy and basic these items are? It’s ridiculous, I know. But it’s the only way I don’t feel overwhelmed. I see that I don’t have to do everything in one day - a craft, books, playing Lion King, going outside, taking a trip somewhere…cleaning, doing the laundry, finishing work projects - I can do them all, but I should give myself a few days! I realize that many people do not have this “luxury.” They have to haul their depressed butts off to work for ten hours, and then come home and be with their children, when all they want to do is sleep.

Forgive the long post - I was just wondering what other people did. Beyond seeing your doctor and getting help. How do you deal with the everyday demands of toddlers when you are dealing also with depression? It’s tough. Does anyone else struggle with this? What do you do that works for you?

Valentines Day is coming soon, and what would any holiday be without some kids’ crafts? I’m not a huge fan of Valentines Day, though I don’t mind presents! I’ve just told Peanut that it’s a special day when you make sure to tell everyone you love how much you love them. But we tell her a hundred times a day, so I don’t know that she sees the point (smart kid). I’m not anti Valentines Day; it’s sounding a little like I am, isn’t it?! Well, to get myself in the spirit, here are some great craft ideas. (You can also find a fun, beautiful one at MomIsTeaching that is great for your older children.) The following are from FamilyFun.com.

Usually, I love crafts that use stuff from around the house, and this one does. But you may also need to take a trip to the store for supplies; it’s such a cute idea though.

Here’s what you’ll need:

CRAFT MATERIALS:
Crayon pieces
Heart-shaped metal cookie or muffin tin (our hearts are about 1 1/2 inches across)
Scrap paper
Double-sided foam mounting tape
Scissors
Colored card stock
Marker

(These are all things that will come in handy for other craft projects, so if you buy them, they won’t go to waste.)

And here’s what you do:

1. Heat the oven to 250°.

Step 2 2. Fill each mold with crayon pieces and bake until the crayons melt, about 10 to 15 minutes. Tip: Place a sheet pan under the crayons to catch any drips.

Step 3 3. Once they’re cool, remove the hearts from the molds and smooth any rough edges by rubbing them on a piece of scrap paper.

4. Use small pieces of foam tape to stick each heart to a 3-inch circle cut from card stock — or use our template, then add your message.

# Suggested messages: You color my world
# Valentine, you make my heart melt
# Have a happy Valentine’s Day, for “crayon” out loud!
(Or you could just write I LOVE YOU!!)

Your toddler can reuse these cute little crafts as crayons. They should write fine, and your toddler will have a blast coloring with a heart.

Peanut likes band-aids. I think a lot of toddlers do - she wants them on booboos that are invisible to the naked eye, but hey, if it makes her feel better, fine. Here are some fun band-aids you can make with your toddler or for your toddler with some extra love to make them feel better.

CRAFT MATERIALS:
Band-Aid
Marker
Stickers (optional)

Time needed: 30 Minutes or Less
step 1 1. Decorate a plain Band-Aid with a paint pen or permanent marker.

2. Add stickers, if desired.

Tips:
Message Ideas
# I’m stuck on you
# Let’s stick together
# You make me feel better
# I’m there if you get into a scrape

I thought this one was really cute, and the reviews I read said three year olds really enjoyed it and were able to do it, so you can give it a try if you want. Kids like to stamp, so this may work beautifully for you, and you can make cards for friends and family that they will love.

CRAFT MATERIALS:
Carrot
Paring knife
Pencil
Acrylic paints
Paper plates
4- by 6-inch white index card
Paper towels
Markers

1. Create the heart stamp (a parent’s job): choose a nice big carrot and cut it in half. (You could also use a potato or even an apple.) Use the pencil to etch a heart shape into the cut surface, then carve away the surrounding carrot with a paring knife.

2. Spread a different color of paint on each paper plate

3. Have your kids print a chain of hearts to make the caterpillar on the index cards. Blot the carrot on a paper towel before switching colors.

4. After the paint dries, use markers to add legs, a face, antennae, and a valentine message.

Tips:
To really speed things along, make several heart stamps and assign each child a color. Pass the cards back and forth, with each child adding a segment to the caterpillar until it’s long enough.

One child changed the wording to “Valentines Day Bugs Me,” which I thought was cute. Toddlers don’t really care what it says, they’ll just like working with the paints. I tend to be sort of crazy when it comes to crafts, but when you’re working with a toddler, keep in mind that it’s supposed to be fun. If they make a crazy random smattering of hearts instead of a caterpillar, so what? It’s fun for them and will still make an awesome and heartfelt card.

If you are feeling a little rushed or just want to do something easy and quick, you can also find simple printables at FamilyFun.com. Just print it out and let your toddler go to town with some crayons. You can use these as cards too. You can always do the handprint: just dip your toddler’s hand in some washable paint or an ink pad, stamp it onto a piece of paper or a blank card, and there you go, an instant card that any grandma or grandpa, aunt or uncle, or friend will love and cherish.

I was thinking about some of the best parenting advice I’ve ever received. I ask for suggestions all the time from my mom, my partner’s mom, and my mom friends, but two specific things stick out in my head as the best advice.

The first was from my birthing teacher when I was pregnant with Peanut. She said that there are a few things that you absolutely must do as a parent.
1. Use a carseat.
2. Put your baby to sleep on his back.
3. Don’t let your baby watch tv until at least two years of age.
4. Don’t smoke around your baby or in your home, even if your baby is not there at the time.
(And other things like food and shelter, of course!)

Everything else, she said, is really up to you. Meaning the values, the rules are up to you and what works for your family. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding - up to you. What works best for you and your baby? Cloth diapers vs. disposable? Circumcision or not? Up to you.

The other one came from my doctor. She told me not to have a picture in my head of what I was supposed to be like as a mother. She said that I shouldn’t expect myself to be perfect, that sometimes I just had to be good enough. That took some pressure off of me, because some days, I really am just good enough. Some days, though, I’m awesome! But the just ok days are there too, and they won’t turn Peanut or the Little Guy into freaks or neglected children.

What are the best pieces of parenting advice you’ve ever received? Who gave it to you? Did you heed it? Let me know, and share your advice with all of us.

What about the worst advice? I don’t know; we’ve gotten some pretty bad advice when it comes to baby names. Oh here’s one. My neighbor had a baby, and this kid was ENORMOUS! My son is pretty big, but he’s active and loves to move around. I consider this his baby exercise. Anyway, they fed that baby like crazy. They fed her cereal in her bottle. NO!! This kid never walked anywhere. She was just headed towards a weight problem - so if anyone tells you to feed your baby cereal from a bottle, do not listen! I don’t care if it makes them sleep another hour at night. It’s not even worth the extra weight your baby packs on. Can you tell that really really bugs me??? Plus they gave her juice (not even fruit juice, but red, kool-aidy juice) in her bottle. NO!! Oh boy.

Anyway, any bad advice to share while we’re at it?

Speaking of good parenting advice, some of my favorite baby/child books are by Dr. William Sears. He and his wife have eight (I think eight) children, seven of whom Mrs. Sears birthed - so I consider her an expert. If you have any parenting problems, go to AskDrSears.com . It’s a cool site with a bunch of great info on disciple, sleeping, vaccines, nutrition, bottle and breast feeding, attachment parenting, and much more. And you can always check out 451 Press’s other great parenting blogs.

Priorities

I am a huge fan of frugality; and it is no different when it comes to my children. Replacing toys and clothing and shoes can be extremely expensive, so making smart purchases is essential for any parent, especially those with toddlers. Peanut has a few more expensive toys - like her play kitchen and her LeapFrog ClickStart game. For the most part, though, she is really happy with toys that are very cheap to buy. “Cheap” sounds bad - inexpensive then. Whatever word you choose, saving money is always welcome. In our current times, being frugal can mean the difference between giving your children great toys and having them go without. If your budget is tight, you can still provide a few fun things for your toddlers. I never advocate choosing toys over necessities; I would never do that because I think having heat is more important than a few toys. That being said, toys are an important part of childhood. So the compromise is to get things that your child can use for a long time, have fun with, learn from, and that won’t cost you a ton of money. They are out there, you just have to look and scoop up deals.

Here are some things that Peanut has that didn’t cost us anything but that have gotten a lot of use:

* Amazing Creatures. This is a Nature Challenge book with awesome photos of different animals. The one we have is divided into Jaws and Claws, Eyes, Colors, and Defenses. There are a bunch of different animals with interesting facts. Peanut likes to look through it with me and learn about the animals. You can either read all the text or do what we do and pick out a different interesting fact each time. This way we learn something new each time. She can read it with me or look at the pictures on her own. It is a great, interesting book. And Peanut’s grandmother got it at a dollar store (Job Lots) for $2.99. This is an incredible deal for a full color book, especially with the use we get out of it. You can check out the book selection next time you go to the Family Dollar, Dollar General, or other stores like that. They often have better toddler and kid books, and you may find a treasure for a few bucks.

* Magnet writing board. Peanut got one of these at a discount store, and it has been a favorite ever since. It’s a generic brand Magna Doodle, and it’s perfect for practicing letters. She’s been learning more and more, as well as drawing pictures. When she’s done, she just erases it and does some more. This saves us an enormous amount of paper - especially since some toddlers like to draw one thing and then use a new piece of paper (I’m not naming any names though). One drawback is that it’s a bit small so she has a hard time writing MOM on it. Other than that, it is awesome. It cost a whopping $3.00 for all that learning and fun.

*Pretend food. You can get a set for pretty cheap with veggies, fruits, rolls, and other foods. This will provide hours of fun, with or without a play kitchen. Your child can use a real pot or some plastic spoons. Peanut loves to make us food.

* Construction paper and pipecleaners. I went to a drug store to buy some of these essentials, and the prices were outrageous. I couldn’t believe it! I guess I hadn’t bought construction paper since 1990 or something. It was over $5 for a pack of like 20 pieces - and she’d go through that so quickly. I didn’t buy them there, but I did check out a dollar store. Great, from $5 to $1 for far more pieces! And enough pipe cleaners for lots of crafts for $1. You can also get kid safety scissors, glue, and other supplies very inexpensively. This is a must because toddlers use this stuff up so fast. Crafts are great, but you shouldn’t have to spend a great deal of money. And with these supplies, you can make more fun toys. Peanut likes to take empty toilet paper rolls and use them as telescopes. For you crafty overachievers, you can decorate it, maybe make an eye patch too.

* Random things. Peanut loves random things and can turn them into toys. Her father has a wooden back scratcher that he got for $1. She pretends it’s a sword or a vacuum. She uses my knitting needles to make letters. She uses blankets and pillows to make forts, bury herself, play hide and seek with Bo, and whatever else she can think of. Little kids are so creative. I used to watch my neighbor’s son, and he liked to play with my vegetable steamer. He pretended it was a space ship and other fun things. Cool. Except he took it home with him and I couldn’t steam my veggies.

I couldn’t talk about toys without mentioning Bo. I asked Peanut what her favorite toy was - Bo of course. He probably cost about $8 brand new (but we got him second hand from a friend). Peanut can find any number of things to do with Bo. Right now, she’s entertaining her brother by swinging the nasty old dog around. He’s hysterical…he’ll probably want his very own Bo in a few months. Bo plays hide and seek, goes on trike rides, plays on the swings, and plays Lion King with her (I have to help with that one).

Having a great childhood is not about money. Don’t feel bad if you can’t spend a lot on toys. You don’t need to. Encourage creativity, find great deals, make your own toys, and imagine. What kinds of toys does your child love? What is your toy budget like - do you give up other things to buy toys for your children? (A lot of people do this, which is why the toy industry is usually one of the last effected by recessions.) Let me know!

Here’s a link for classic toys under $10 (like Mr. Potato Head). Also, Erinn at Parenting Children has a post about kids’ board games (which you can also pick up for $10).

I recently set up a Facebook account and spend all sorts of time when I could be working playing there. One fun thing was to write 25 Random Things About Me. Guess how many were about Peanut and the Little Guy? Anyway, it inspired me to write a list of things I love about Peanut and toddlerhood. So, in no particular order, here is my list:

1. I love that she’s so sassy. I hope she is like this forever! She knows her mind and speaks it.
2. She’s hilarious.
3. She’s smart. She is learning the sounds the letters make and can write “Bo,” (of course), “Mom,” “Dad,” and her own name. She is also very sarcastic, which takes a certain amount of intelligence.
4. She is caring. She gives me hugs and kisses just when I need them.
5. She can always make her brother laugh.
6. She is very protective of the Little Guy.
7. She is beautiful. I’m partial, I know.
8. Peanut loves kale and green beans.
9. She can wear the same size clothing forever. It makes our clothing budget much less! Her brother on the other hand grows out of stuff every day.
10. She never bugs me for toys when we go to the store. If she’s good, she gets a treat. Which is usually a 25 cent granola bar.
11. She melts my heart. I say I love you to her at night. The first time she said it back made me so happy. She actually said “I you,” which made it that much cuter.
12. She loves her family - and she says her aunt’s boyfriend is in fact her boyfriend.
13. She plays very well by herself, which gives me time to feed/change/rock the baby.
14. She listens. Sometimes we have to tell her more than once, but overall, she’s very good.
15. She gets excited about little things, like going to the beach or going to Grandma’s.
16. She mispronounces words that are so cute - like “excigid,” for excited. She used to call the living room the “alumin.”
17. She’s a great sleeper. She’s always been a great sleeper, and I appreciate this.
18. She loves to read and has a stack of books by her bed that she looks at after I read to her.
19. She’s nice to other kids.
20. She’s outgoing. I’m so shy; it’s nice to have an extroverted kid.
21. She’s pretty reasonable for a three year old.
22. She takes a nap everyday. Hallelujah!
23. She made me a mom. She’ll always be my baby. But when I say this, she says, “I’m a kid.” Some of the most terrifying, extreme, awesome feelings I’ve ever had have to do with her.
24. She’s very independent. But she still needs her mama.
25. She’s her. She has a great big personality and is full of life. She’s crazy and vibrant.

I could go on and on - don’t you just love to hear parents brag about their kids? Fun huh? What about your toddler makes your heart melt? What makes you glad that you have a child, despite not sleeping for 18 years, and then worrying for the next several decades? Despite not having time or money for yourself? Despite all the million ways you are forced beyond yourself?