Parenting Toddlers

Wherever you look, there are celebrities saying, “Vaccines! Do it!!” or “Vaccines: whoa, they’re messing our kids up. Let’s rethink the schedules.” I prefer to get my medical advice from doctors, not Jenny McCarthy. But I’ve had a change of heart about her. I think she is not a nut. She is convinced that her son, Evan, developed autism after undergoing vaccines. She does not advocate no vaccines, she advocates a different schedule. This is entirely different. Kids are still vaccinated against dangerous illnesses, but the schedule is drawn out, so we’re not dumping shot upon shot on our kids. I know that I take the Little Guy to the doctor and he gets four inoculations at once. That’s a lot in the first few years.

Recently Jim Carrey wrote a piece in the Huffington Post about vaccines (he is Jenny McCarthy’s partner), which rebuffs claims that the “autism/vaccine” debate has been settled when a federal court ruled that vaccines were not causes of autism in the three cases it studied. Dr. Paul Offit, chief of infectious diseases at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and co-inventor of the rotavirus vaccine (a standard childhood immunization that does not contain thimerosal), says of the findings:

It’s time to put the vaccine hypothesis aside and focus on the real causes of autism and not be diverted by a dead end.

Jim Carrey writes:

The anecdotal evidence of millions of parents who’ve seen their totally normal kids regress into sickness and mental isolation after a trip to the pediatrician’s office must be seriously considered. The legitimate concern they and many in the scientific community have that environmental toxins, including those found in vaccines, may be causing autism and other disorders (Aspergers, ADD, ADHD), cannot be dissuaded by a show of sympathy and a friendly invitation to look for the ‘real’ cause of autism anywhere but within the lucrative vaccine program.

I strongly urge you to check out Jim Carrey’s post - it is excellent, well-written, and erudite. I was really surprised how level-headed and calm it was. Here’s the link.

Everyday Health has a great article on alternative vaccine schedules. This is a great article too. It gives information on the alternate vaccine schedule, pros and cons, and does it work. It is a balanced article. Click here for that link.

I have written on vaccines before and mentioned that I tend to think my doctors are infallible. We have great pediatricians and they have my children’s best interest at heart. Peanut’s doctor was there and helped us through a difficult patch after she was born with some complications (apparently he broke some land speed records to get to the hospital for her) - I know he has children’s best interest at heart. But again, you always have to question your doctors. They are not infallible. Some doctors are starting to offer alternate vaccine schedules, but many still do not. I’m not advocating alternate schedules, but I am advocating talking to your doctor about his/her thoughts on them and researching the matter online.

Bottom line: I’m going to vaccinate the Little Guy. I can’t not do it. As the article on Everyday Health says, it only takes one case of polio for the disease to make a comeback. But really, do they need to be vaccinated against chicken pox? These are things you have to consider and speak up about. I’m not convinced of the link between vaccines and autism or if an alternate schedule would work (look at the pros and cons on the Everyday Health article!) - but it is worth it to be as informed as we can be.

Please check out the two links in this post and let me know your thoughts.

We go to Cape Cod in the fall to visit Peanut’s great-grandparents. Hey, a free vacation to the Cape? Definitely…and Grandma even makes us awesome seafood. Anyway, it’s a loooonngg trip, and we have two children. By next fall, The Little Guy will be The Big Guy and traveling will entail a bunch of “Are we there yets” or “Mom, he did this,” “Mom, she did that.” Fun times ahead. I found a product that might just occupy them for a while (and it’s not a dvd player - but that’s a good idea too). The Peek-a-Boo Bag from Peek-a-Boo stuff. I have seen them before but didn’t really know what they were. They look like just a bag of white beads. Fun. But it really is!

According to the Peek-a-Boo site, they are “quiet, educational entertainment for all ages. Shake it, and squish it to spot all the objects through the window.” The Peek-a-Boo Bag is a fabric bag that is 6.5″ square with a plastic window sewn in. Inside are white beads, and various colorful beads shaped like other objects, such as an airplane, star, frogs, baseballs, guitar, car, dinosaur, wrench, football, soccer ball, and more. Each bag comes with a list of the objects inside, and there are several ways you can play. You can detach the list (which just snaps to the bag), and then shout out an object that your kids have to find. They’ll squish and shake it to find the object. When that becomes easy, you can create different games. Find an object that rhymes with “dog.” So they find the frog. Great way to teach rhyming. You could even do letters for more advanced toddlers. Find an object that starts with “D” - D’s an easy one for toddlers. Find a green one, find a yellow one, find something that grows, find something that moves…the list goes on and on.

If you have more than one child, you can get a few and have competitions to see who can find things fastest (only if they’re the same though!). Or you could have them pick on object and make up a little story about it. This can be entertaining because toddlers are very creative and silly. There really is a million different things you could try. Your child will also probably just like to play with it on his own and see what there is to see. And when they’re done, they can use them as weapons to throw at each other. What would a family car trip be without some sibling fighting. My parents used to drive my four siblings and I to visit my grandmother -a trip of seven hours - in a station wagon - we could have used the Peek-a-Boo Bags!

The only complaint I’ve heard is that it is easy for the list of objects to become lost. If it does, you can always look through the bag and make your own list. Get your toddler to help you by having him name the objects while you write them down.

Another issue is cost: these bags are $15. Whether or not that is expensive depends on how interested your child is in it, how often you’ll use it, etc. I think it’s a bit pricey, but I’m cheap! You can always make your own, but make sure you use strong fabric and do a really really really good job sewing the seams. You don’t know those white beads falling out all over your car!

Enjoy!

Potty training is a process - it can be a long process too. I was pretty smug when, before 18 months, Peanut used the potty. “Well, what are people complaining about? This is easy.” Famous last words, right? After that brief experiment, she decided she didn’t need to use the potty anymore. And she didn’t for quite some time. Finally, during the summer before she was three, she was ready. What worked for us was to make Peanut wear underwear. The first day (the first few hours, actually) she went through quite a few pairs. The second day, a few less. The third day, she was good for the day. This doesn’t mean that we were there yet. She still wore a diaper at night and during long car trips. But we got over the hump, so to speak. A key to potty training is to try something, keep at it, and if it’s not working, try something else. So, I’ll present a tip each week or so to give you some ammunition for the potty training process. If it doesn’t work, keep at it for a while - toddlers need repetition. If it still won’t work, move on. Don’t be afraid - you’re not failing. Your child’s not failing. You’ll get there. You might just need to try something. There might be something you do that finally clicks. So here’s this week’s potty training tip:

Move the potty chair. Peanut, like most toddlers, hates to be separated from the action. She also hates to stop playing. This is the reason for many “accidents.” It’s not that your child can’t go to the potty, it’s just that they’d rather play. They just don’t have the bladder control to hold it. So you can move the potty chair into the room they use most. If you have a play room or living room (we spend most of our time in the living room), try putting the potty in there at first. This will make it more likely that your child will use it. Instead of having to go all the way to the bathroom, away from all the fun stuff, they can just go to the corner, pee, and get right back to playing. This is a good idea if you have a bathroom on a different floor than the one you usually play on.

It might look odd to have a potty chair in the living room. But whatever. You have a child, and it’s really important that you do whatever you can to help him potty train. It’s only for a short time! Once he gets the hang of it, move it back to the bathroom.

Give this a try for as long as your child needs to really master going to the potty by himself. This will be different for each child and family. For instance, it may not work to have a potty chair in the living room if you have a baby who has just started to crawl. The first thing that baby will go for is the potty chair. If your toddler is the youngest or only child, though, give it a try. Once you feel that he’s ready - and you’ll know - move it. If it turns out he’s not ready and is having accidents because he wants to play, move it back to the living room or try something new.

As it’s getting nicer out, your toddler will hopefully want to spend lots of time outdoors. This is a fun project that can be done outside - because it is messy! Kids love messy, and I like to encourage Peanut, but honestly, I hate the mess. Problem solved - just take this project outside. This is a great afternoon project for those two and up.

Salt Art!

What you need:
Salt
Liquid watercolors or food coloring
Ziplock bags
Paper

Put about 1 cup of salt and 20-25 drops of food coloring in the ziplock bag (or a half teaspoon of liquid watercolor). Seal the bag and remove as much air as possible. Give the bag to your toddler and let them smash it up. They knead the salt until it is all dyed. Make as many colors as you want.

Let the salt dry for about two hours by pouring it onto newspaper-lined trays. When it is dry, pour into spice shakers. (You can save old salt shakers or use empty garlic bottles, or whatever.)

Give your child a glue stick and have her scribble all over the paper. With colored paper, she’ll be able to see where she’s put glue. You can also do one with a pattern, like a butterfly.

Giver her the shakers of salt and have her shake them onto the paper. Wait for the glue to dry and shake off the excess salt.

You’ll have a salt masterpiece that your child will be proud to hang on the fridge.

Peanut’s been sick the past few days, and the other night she passed out on the couch. I picked her up and was about to put her into bed when she woke up and freaked out. “I have to brush my teeth!” She was half comatose. “I’ll get a cavity!” She rushed right to the bathroom and we brushed. That’s my girl! I actually don’t know how she turned out to be so sensible. I think Sid the Science Kid had a lot of influence on her teeth. Here are some good teeth brushing tips for your toddler:

*If they cannot spit yet, give them a pea-sized amount of non-flouridated toothpaste. If they swallow too much flouridated toothpaste, it can discolor their teeth. It took Peanut a while to figure the whole art of spitting out. They get there eventually, but until then, use non-flouridated paste (like Tom’s All Natural Toothpaste).

*Get a brush that is specially designed for kids. These have soft bristles and are smaller. You can find some fun ones - we have ones that have Peanuts characters on them (I’m not obsessed with peanuts; they were just on sale). This makes it more comfortable for them to hold and having a fun, colorful, or sparkly toothbrush will make them more likely to use it.

*Read books with this theme. A good one is Brush Your Teeth Please. It’s a pop-up book that has different animals brushing their teeth, so your child can brush like a chimp or floss like a shark. Fun! You could also use a teeth brushing song as you brush. Make it a fun time.

*Brush their teeth for them. I brush Peanut’s teeth. No discussion. My dentist said he brushed his children’s teeth until they were 10 or something. I’ve also heard that when they can tie their shoes, then they can brush. Either way, toddlers still need a lot of help. I brush them, and then if she wants to, she can finish after I’m done. She also gets to brush her tongue, which she finds hilarious. They have products like Listerine Agent Cool Blue that your kids use to swish. They then brush their teeth to remove the blue stuff. If they get all the blue stuff off, they’ve done a thorough job. I think this is great for older children, but toddlers should have your help. They’re likely to swallow not swish, so just do it for them.

*Make them. My old neighbor said she could never get her son to brush his teeth, so she just quit trying. He spent the night at my house once, and when I said it was time to brush teeth, he put up token resistance. But he brushed those teeth. Why? Because it was not an option. Peanut brushes whether she wants to or not. A toddler is small enough that you can open their mouth and brush for them. Do not take no for an answer. They’ll thank you when they have beautiful healthy teeth.

*If your child is resistant, let your child brush your teeth. Why not? He’ll like it, and then you can do his teeth. You can also have the whole family brush at the same time to make it more fun.

*Have a routine. You can build a routine around brushing and getting ready for bed. If you do the same thing each night, then your child will accept it as part of the day and you should see less resistance.

*Honestly, if all the fun stuff doesn’t work, I’m not that patient. I want those teeth brushed and brushed well. So, yeah, if you have to open their mouths or deal with a tantrum, that’s what you do. Crying is actually good because they typically open their mouths, giving you great access. Peanut doesn’t put up a fight - and in fact, she told me that she needed to brush. She has fussed in the past, but you do not put up with it. Brushing is non-negotiable.

The Little Guy is a bit over six months old, and he adores his sister. When she’s away for a few hours and comes back, he lights up. He looks at her like she’s the most amazing thing ever. And there is nothing he loves more than to pull her hair. Peanut has very long hair, and it doesn’t take much effort for him to grab a handful. He yanks it and just has the best time. Poor Peanut. She gets her revenge by pushing him or hitting him. We have to explain to her that a baby doesn’t really know he’s doing anything wrong - or even what wrong is. She doesn’t really get that he doesn’t get it, so she gets angry.

We couldn’t break her of her pushing and hitting by putting her in timeout or scolding her. So her father thought of the best thing that we’ve found so far: take away a buddy. Peanut has ten thousand buddies on her bed. Whenever she hits or pushes her brother, she has to take a buddy and put him in the crib (her old crib is still set up in her room - good thing we had another baby or that would just be ridiculous). This works very well. The first few days, she had to give up quite a few, but then she stopped hitting. She did start pushing, which stopped after yet more buddies went into the crib. If she’s good and doesn’t hit or push, she gets her buddies back after about a week. Grandma Day - that’s how we mark time.

Having two children is a challenge! I grew up with five siblings, and we were always doing mean things to each other. I’d love it if my children did not do this! At least while one is a poor little baby. I recently came across several books that are useful tools in helping your children not kill each other. These are particularly good:

Teeth Are Not for Biting and Hands Are Not for Hitting - there is a whole series of these called the Best Behavior Series. Instead of just saying, “No!” these books give suggestions for what you can do instead. This is always good - kids like an option or two.

No Hitting! This is pretty much like the above, providing suggestions in a simple way. Great for very young toddlers.

When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman. A rabbit narrates this cute story and suggests ways for kids to deal with anger-inducing situations without hitting or fighting.

Books are good because they allow you to discuss something with your kids and it doesn’t seem so much like you’re lecturing them or telling them what to do. You’re discussing a book and the things that happen in the book - and you can then talk about your own child and situations he faces.

Kids can be a trial at times. The baby likes to get up at three or four in the morning and scream - he’s hoping that we pick him up and let him sleep in his car seat. Peanut is bossy - she is going through a stage where she says things like, “I want you to get me a snack.” To which I reply, “I want a polite daughter.” They sometimes team up together to create noise and chaos.

But then there are times when you know why you have kids, when everything falls into place. Usually for me, it’s when Peanut does something incredibly cute and sweet without meaning to. The other day we were going for a walk together. She saw a stick on the side of the road and picked it up. She wanted to keep it, and as I was about to tell her to put it back so we could go home, she told me that the stick was for her dog so they could play fetch.

This poor kid does not have a dog. We can’t have them at our apartment, but we’ve promised her one when we have our own house. So she got a stick for the dog she hopes she gets. I let her keep the stick.

Does your toddler turn into a Wild Thing when he eats sugar?

Another holiday = more candy. Oh boy. This means Peanut gets a basketful of sugar. I don’t worry much about her. She eats a few pieces and moves on. If she wants candy for breakfast, I say no and she has Cheerios. If she wants a snack, she may be able to have a piece throughout the day. If she wants more, I say no and she has an apple. Me, on the other hand. Oh boy. There cannot be candy in the house or I will eat it. It’s sad but true. I am a sugaraholic of opportunity. If it’s there, I will eat it. I found an article at Associated Content that read: “Toddlers do not need to be eating any candy, during the holidays, or at any other times.” That seems a bit over the top. I think a piece now and again is fine so they don’t think they’re missing anything. My mom always made us eat wheat germ on our oat cereal and not have sugary drinks or candy. So we’d find the sugar bowl (meant for coffee, of course) and put it in water and sneak under the table to drink it. In my case, an extreme line on candy didn’t work well, so with Peanut, I’m teaching moderation (to both of us).

Whether you want to avoid a sugar crazy toddler or avoid packing on a few pounds yourself, there are some great alternatives to Easter candy that you can use to make a great - and healthier - basket. There are food items and nonfood items to make for a great holiday.

Bubbles. This is a great springy treat. Peanut loves bubbles. When we go outside and blow them, there is bound to be a horde of kids that materializes to chase them and pop them. I love them too. And the best part is that bubbles are still cheap. Grab a bottle or two for a buck and there you go. A great activity for kids to do on Easter.

Coloring stuff. This can be a coloring book, but I’ve found that coloring books are on the pricey side. I may be extremely cheap, but if I’m going to pay $5 for a book, I want it to be a great one that lasts not a flimsy coloring book. So you can get ones on sale or buy a cheap pad of paper and a pack of crayons or markers. Add some stickers, and you’re done. I’m very frugal and I always think generic or discount items are the best. They encourage imagination just as much as name brand things but for a ton less. And everyone loves to color. Again, it’s a great thing for kids to do, especially if you are having an Easter party and need a few kid-friendly activities. You can also find great printable Easter crafts and coloring pages online, and especially at my favorite site, FamilyFun.com.

Healthy choices. Pretzels, Goldfish, or a fun trail mix is a great alternative to candy. If you want to limit rather than eliminate candy, you can add some chocolate or peanut butter chips to the trail mix. Also, Peanut loves dried fruit chips, such as banana chips. Put some in a baggie or a cute container and there you go. Sweet but healthier.

An activity or game. On holidays, kids want something that they can use immediately. Grab a kite, sidewalk chalk, balls, or a card game from the store. I always associate kites with Easter and spring - and you can find inexpensive ones at discount/dollar stores.

Kids love the plastic eggs, and instead of filling them with jelly beans or chocolate, try:

*Stickers
*Stick-on tattoos
*Money
*Little animals or play figures. There are these little dogs that Peanut loves. They are fifty cents at those little machines in front of stores. Pop one or two in an egg. Or cheaper than that, buy a bag of little insects, dinosaurs, or whatever from the store. Put them in eggs and have a fun hunt.
*Legos. I thought this was a good idea. Buy a set of Legos, put them in eggs, and then have an egg hunt. Peanut’s not really into Legos, and I think she’d get bored and be unmotivated. She’s more likely to hunt for animals. But if you have a Legos or blocks fan, try it. You can do this with little toy cars or pretty much anything.
*Books. Always good.

Filling the basket with fun things doesn’t have to be expensive or sugary. I know theologically that Easter is the most important holiday, but we don’t spend much on it. I choose not to make it a big present holiday - I’m trying to get away from that with Christmas too, but one step at a time.

If you’re like me and are a little bit late getting ready for Easter, don’t worry. Here are some easy, quick ways to have a great holiday. First, cards. If you’re spending Easter away from your loved ones, cards are always nice, and what’s better than a nice homey one made by your little toddler? I love when Peanut makes me cards. If your toddler needs a bit of help and some cute templates, go here. FamilyFun.com has some great printable Easter cards that are perfect for toddlers to color.

There are also some great craft ideas for decorations, gifts, and egg hunts. At the above link, you’ll find some great activities, like an Easter-themed Memory game, a bunny mask, Disney-themed egg stands and basket tags, and much more. It’s a one-stop Easter craft site.

And what would Easter be without large amounts of sugar? Well, maybe we can limit the sugar, but for a fun dessert and activity in one, try the following recipe:

Here’s what you need:

A cupcake (baked from your favorite recipe)
White icing
Shredded coconut (or shaved white chocolate if your kids aren’t fans of coconut)
Pink decorators’ sugar
Jelly bean nose
Chewable Sweet Tart eyes
Large marshmallow
Mini marshmallows

1. Frost a cupcake (baked from your favorite recipe) with white icing and sprinkle on shredded coconut fur.

2. Cut a large marshmallow in half widthwise. Squeeze each half slightly to give it an oval shape, then decorate the sticky side of each one with pink decorators’ sugar and set them in place for ears.

3. Add a jelly bean nose and either jelly bean or snipped Sweet Tart eyes, and mini marshmallows for cheeks. For a finishing touch, draw on decorators’ gel pupils or whiskers if you like.

If you have children at your house for Easter, let them decorate their own bunnies. It can a fun, slightly messy activity to keep them occupied.

Here is one of the card templates I mentioned. All you have to do is view it full size, print it, give your toddler some crayons, and you’re all set. A cute card for family or friends. So what if toddlers can’t color in the lines? If they’re like Peanut they like to color cute things even if they don’t really pay attention to silly things like lines.

As with most things in life, there are two sides to this issue. Should you fight in front of your children? Dr. Phil says absolutely not, that it’s closely akin to child abuse. In fact, is child abuse. Others say that children need to learn how to resolve problems and seeing an argument might actually help them become better communicators. Well, I guess it depends on the time of fighting, doesn’t it? Some parents have fights that are nothing but terrifying for children. Name calling, yelling, screaming, threatening, swearing - all of this is tremendously damaging for children. Of course it is - how could it not be. The two people who are supposed to take care of you are screaming at each other. At the very least that fosters insecurity. At worst, it creates scars that can be very very difficult to heal from. I think that if you fight like this, do not do it when your children are anywhere in the house. Newsflash, parents: your kids can hear you. And they’re scared.

On the other hand, if you argue with your partner in a nonthreatening way, that may be ok, according to some studies. A new one published in the Journal of Child Psychology says that watching you sort problems out can be beneficial. From an article on MSNBC.com:

“In some ways, kids benefit from seeing their parents disagreeing — and even being mildly angry,” says study co-author Patrick Davies, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. “It gives them a lesson on how you can come to a mutually acceptable solution through compromise.”

It may be more realistic to expect some disagreements than to vow never to argue in front of your children. Disagreements happen - the thing is to deal with them in a constructive way. Say you and your partner are arguing about whether or not to go on vacation to Disney Land. He doesn’t want to because it’s expensive. You want to because you went there as a child and it’s your favorite memory. Both valid arguments. If you validate each other’s opinion and work out a compromise - such as going somewhere closer and less expensive or saving up and not going on vacation this year - then your children see that it is ok to disagree, that you still love your partner, that they’re safe. This is the type of arguing that is ok to do in front of children. It’s all about subject matter too. Don’t choose to accuse your partner of cheating on you when the kids are trying to watch cartoons or something. That’s a serious issue with lots of yelling potential and can be very damaging to children. Get them out of the house before you do this. So Disney Land, yes, cheating, no.

Any thoughts on this? My partner and I very rarely fight. When we do, I tend to just not talk to him. When he comes in a room, I leave. He comes into that room, I leave. This is no small trick given our small apartment! But when we’re ready, we discuss it. We’ve argued in front of Peanut about little things, but never in a way that causes her to become scared. This is really what you want to avoid. Kids may not really understand what you’re talking about, but they know when there is anger. I feel really strongly about this because my father used to do this. It absolutely terrified me - I still have problems with confrontation because I think it’ll escalate this that point (see, you can blame all sorts of things on your parents!).

The rest of the MSNBC article discusses the study, if you want to check it out. To be balanced, here’s another link for a post on never ever fighting in front of your children.

I’ve always liked rainy days - they’re perfect for lazing in bed, reading, and then falling back to sleep. Ahhh. Unfortunately, toddlers don’t enjoy that particular type of day yet. Good for them! They want to get out and play. Today, we woke up to rain. Our second day of it with a week more to come. Peanut asked if she could go to the playground and play. I said, “Look out the door, honey. It’s raining.” Her reply: “So?” Well, jeez, you could catch a cold. Your brother could catch a cold. My God, that’s all I need, the two of them sick. But then I thought, is that really true?

And it turns out it isn’t. There is no scientific evidence to show that playing out in the rain causes colds. So says the American Lung Association, CommonCold.org, and The National Institute of Health, among others. So Grandma was wrong on that one. So what’s the real reason we don’t let our kids play in the rain? Because we don’t want to get wet! We don’t want them tracking mud onto our floors. We don’t want them to get all dirty. We don’t want to be wet and uncomfortable while we watch them play.

But kids love rain. Peanut loves puddles. We took a walk the other day and there are abundant puddles because of the melting snow. She loves to splash in them, squish through them, throw rocks into them, ride her trike in them. She’s been bugging me for an hour to take her outside. So, ok, let’s go! Let’s go play in the rain. But to make it a little more fun for mom or dad and a little less messy, maybe we can invest in some fun rain gear. I don’t advocate getting cute but useless stuff for your children. They’ll wear it once and outgrow it. But I do think if you’re going to get raincoats and boots, you might as well get fun ones. They’re all over the place now, so cost isn’t astronomical. In fact, it may be the same or less to buy fun rainboots for your toddler than the plain old yellow ones. This will make them want to wear their boots while keeping their feet dry. And when you’re done, you just dump the water out of the boots put them by the door and they’re dry the next time you want to go out. A bit less messy.
Aren’t they cute? Why not have a bit of fun? Also, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the rain too. Get a cool umbrella, grab yourself some fun rainboots. I got some that manage to be both grownup and a bit playful. I wear them in the winter with socks, and they’ve come in handy chasing Peanut through puddles.

After a whole winter of weather that was too cold to take the baby out in, I should give them both the opportunity to play outside as much as possible. I have a friend who takes her daughter out so she’ll nap better. She calls them fresh air naps! Let kids be kids. So I’m going to get off my butt, turn off my computer, and go out in the rain.

I dislike birds immensely. I watched Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds, and since then, it’s all over. Even parrots - I can’t stand the thought of them flying around me, and my fiance’s grandparents have the loudest, oldest, crankiest parrot ever. But Willie the parrot sure came in handy for a Denver family. Willie’s owner, Megan Howard, was babysitting a toddler named Hannah. Megan left the room - as we all do - for just a second, and Hannah started to choke. Megan didn’t know anything was wrong until she heard good old Willie. He was yelling, “Mama, baby,” and flapping his wings like crazy. Megan ran in and found Hannah turning blue.
Every parent’s - and babysitter’s- nightmare. Luckily, Hannah was ok due to Willie’s prompt action.

Willie was honored at a breakfast with both the Colorado governor and the Denver mayor. Good thing they weren’t in Boulder. Monk parrots, like Willie, are illegal for Boulder residents to own as pets.

I had to take a CPR course in high school and also as a teacher. Now that I have children - especially a little one who loves to put anything into his mouth - I figured it’d be a great time to brush up on my heimlich for toddlers and infants. BabyCenter.com has a great step-by-step instruction guide. Please take a few minutes to refresh your knowledge. If you’ve never taken a CPR class, you can find them through your local hospitals. It is so useful to know, even if you have an incredible talking parrot like Willie.

The heimlich is not that hard to do, but in a panicky situation like the one Megan and Hannah were in, you need to be able to do it without thinking. Make sure you, your partner, and older family members know what to do if someone is choking. You can also talk to your kids about the universal signal for choking. It is putting both hands on the throat. If you do this, people recognize that you are choking. Try to teach this to your toddler. Likely, if they’re choking on something, they’re going to be freaking out. You need to be the calm one. If you’re calm, they’ll let you do the heimlich without struggling. You can then have your mental breakdown when you’re alone and your child is fine.

Vaccines have become quite a hot button issue of late. Jenny McCarthy swears they caused her son to develop Autism. Recently a couple was awarded compensation from the government, which has a program to compensate families who have suffered injury due to vaccines. This is the first case in which autism has been seen as an “injury.” Apparently the little girl had an “underlying illness that had predisposed her to symptoms of autism” which were “significantly aggravated” by the vaccines she’d received as a toddler.

The little girl was outgoing and precocious for the first 18 months of her life. Then, according to her parents, she received 9 routine vaccinations and her health markedly declined. She wouldn’t eat, respond to verbal stimuli and became prone to fever and severe temper tantrums. She began to stare at lights and fans and run in circles, all signs of autism. The government conceded and her family was awarded damages.

But in another case, a special court ruled that there was no link between vaccines and autism. Many parents, though, are choosing to forgo vaccinations. I remember when Peanut was a baby; I was terrified she’d be autistic. I read articles on it, about vaccinations. At the Little Guy’s last appointment, he had one oral vaccination and three injections. He had the same course at his previous appointment as well. It’s scary as a parent, but I have to think that NOT getting vaccinated is worse. We have managed to virtually eradicate many of the dangerous childhood illnesses that used to kill children. Measles, mumps, Rubella.
Dr. Ivy Chong, program director at the Scott Center for Autism Treatment at the Florida Institute of Technology, says that more than 130 cases of measles have been diagnosed in the US since the beginning of the year. In 91% of cases, the kids had not been vaccinated. 130 may not sound like a lot, but measles are highly contagious and can cause serious complications, especially in children under five.

Dr. Martin Myers, professor of both Pediatrics and Preventive Medicine & Community Health at the University of Texas Medical Branch and author of “Do Vaccines Cause This?” believes vaccines have been linked to autism because it begins to show up at the same time children are receiving the vaccinations. Autism isn’t diagnosed until after two, when many of the shots are given.

“We give a lot of vaccines to kids, and we give them when the kids are young, often at the same time that developmental problems an be detected,” he says. “It’s hard for a parent to understand that the association is just coincidental.”

And the CDC is urging that we vaccinate our children from yet another potentially fatal disease: meningitis. This year, five children have been taken ill in Minnesota- one fatally - with the germ that causes meningitis. This is very uncommon, as the last death due to this was in 1991. Apparently, there is a shortage of the vaccine. How is this possible? Merck is the only US manufacturer who makes the vaccine. Normally children are given the shots at 2, 4, and 6 months, with boosters at 12 and 15 months. Because of the shortage, health officials often push back the boosters to make sure the babies get the primary shots. I’m not sure there is a shortage in other states, and Merck is due to begin producing the vaccine again. Without it, over 20,000 children develop meningitis each year in the US. Of the five children in Minnesota who became ill, three had parents who refused to vaccinate against meningitis.

It’s hard to know what we’re really doing to our children when we pump shot after shot into them. It kills me when I see it done to the Little Guy and Peanut. But I feel like I have to make that hard decision to keep them from getting sick from diseases that we think are gone from the US. They’re not gone, they’re not cured - they are prevented by vaccines. In 1983, kids birth through age six were given 23 doses of seven vaccines. Today, they are given 48 doses of 12 vaccines, not including the flu shot.

Are there any anti-vaccine parents out there? How did you come to make the choice you did? Do you feel you’re doing what’s best for your children and the children in your community?

Here’s a chart of the vaccines that the CDC recommends that children receive:

That came out a bit small to read. To see a full size one, click here.

I saw an interesting article this morning from Yahoo News, entitled “Amid a New Baby Boom, a Jump in Adult Unwed Mothers.” This caught my attention because I am not married. I don’t pretend to be a “single” mother though because I get a tremendous amount of support from my partner. You know when people have done all the work done for their PhD except their dissertation - they call that ABD (all but dissertation)? That’s sort of like our situation. We’re all but married. Anyway, in the article, it said that forty percent of babies being born now were born to unwed mothers. Births are going up across all age brackets, including teens. Between 1991 and 2005, the birthrate among teens dropped 45%. But it’s creeping back up again. The part that interested me was when they spoke about unmarried women in their twenties, which I will be for several more months. Here’s an excerpt:

“We’re learning that a lot of young adults don’t know as much about the basic facts and the birds and the bees as most of us think they do,” says Sarah Brown, CEO of the newly named National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. “If you’re 24, the last time you had sex ed was probably in the 10th grade. You wouldn’t have been taught about some of the newer methods of birth control like the ring or IUDs. There’s a large amount of simple misinformation or ignorance.”

There’s also the problem of what Brown calls “magical thinking” among men and women in their twenties. “Many of them have had some unprotected sex and haven’t gotten pregnant,” she explains. “The longer they go without a pregnancy, the more tempting it is to think that it can’t happen to them.” Women are also vulnerable to the misconception that a pregnancy - even unintended - can cement a relationship and bring a couple closer together. In fact, all of the statistics show that babies stress relationships; more couples end up splitting (see: Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston) than marrying (see: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz).

My first thought upon reading this was, “Oh my Lord.” I was 25 when I got pregnant with Peanut. At that point, I had finished college and started a successful career as a teacher. I knew damn well that if I had sex, pregnancy was a risk. What are they talking about? Every woman in her twenties knows this - and to say that they don’t know about IUCs or other “new fangled” methods of birth control is ridiculous. You talk to your girlfriends, you talk to your doctor, you see the ads for these things on TV, you wonder if there’s anything other than the Pill and you look online. I found it a bit insulting that the article seemed to say women got pregnant out of ignorance.

I may be a bit oversensitive - I’m sure there are twenty-somethings that don’t know you can get pregnant by having sex or that don’t know there is such a thing as an IUC - but the article takes a moralistic tone that I find offensive. They’re assuming the increase in unwed mothers having babies is bad, that it would be a much better world if these mothers were married. First, are they considering the huge number of people like myself who choose to forgo marriage? I know tons of people who are raising their children together while not being married. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so. What is bad is parents not caring for their children or parents screaming and arguing. And you know what? This can just as easily happen with parents who are married. There is no guarantee that married couples will provide a better home or that unmarried parents will not do as great a job. It’s so judgmental, in my opinion.

The other day, one of my old friends from high school announced on Facebook that she had legally changed her last name so it was the same as her partner’s. They have three children together. The response was immediate. My favorite response was that unless you were married, your partner could just up and leave anytime. Marriage made it necessary that they think before they react.

This seems to be the favorite argument for people who want unwed people to get married - that your partner can leave you at any time, that a marriage license sort of binds them to you. Well, sure. I’ve been told that, but I think that our two children, intertwined finances, and co-owned property do a good job of this. It would not be simple for me to extricate myself from my partner, nor him from me. Always, though, people are concerned with the man leaving the woman. And if that is true anyway, why do half of marriages end in divorce? Marriage is not a guarantee for forever for many people. All this talk of marriage actually makes me want to get married even less.

So what do you think, both married and unmarried parents?

When you are a parent, sleep is essential. We all need a good night’s rest so we can function optimally and cut down on tantrums (I’ve been known to throw a tantrum when tired!). My good friend’s daughter-in law believes firmly in co-sleeping, also called sleep sharing. She and her husband have a family bed, in which their two sons sleep as well. I asked if she was able to sleep well, and she said she couldn’t sleep without them. I’m the opposite! I can’t sleep with my children. Peanut is a bit better. When I was pregnant with the Little Guy, she’d camp out in my bed when her father was working overnight. She is a big bed hog. It’s weird how a three foot tall person can take up the whole bed. Anyway, I am a tosser and it’s hard to do with a child. Anyway, to each his own. Lots of people love co-sleeping. If you’re one of them, here are some tips to make it safe and enjoyable for everyone.

When Peanut was a baby, my friend gave me a co-sleeper for her. It is essentially a little box/bed that you put in your own bed for infants. This provides them with their own space while keeping them close. It’s handy for breastfeeding too because you just have to reach over and pick them up. My friend’s son loved this and they were both sad when he outgrew it. This is a safe way to co-sleep if you are a tosser and a turner like me. Another safe way to co-sleep is to place a bassinet or crib very close to the bed, as shown in the picture. This worked well for me with both of my children. The Little Guy is still in a crib by our bed. I like knowing that he’s near, and I can wake up and hear him breathing. It also works well for me because, as I may have mentioned, I’m toss and turn!

A huge concern with co-sleeping is safety. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission and the American Academy of Pediatrics says no, it is not safe when babies sleep in adult beds. There is a risk of suffocation and strangulation. According to the CPSC, 515 infant and toddler deaths (under two years) were linked to co-sleeping from 1990 to 1997. 121 of the deaths were caused when a parent or sibling rolled on top of a sleeping baby. Three-quarters of the deaths were infants under three months old. This is so sad - I don’t let myself really fall asleep with the baby in the bed. At most, I doze, so co-sleeping wouldn’t work for me. If you are committed to the benefits it can provide though - such as facilitating breastfeeding, shortening waking periods, and helping create bonds, especially when the parent is away during the day - you can take steps to make it safer. The co-sleeper and placing a bassinet by the bed are two options. Here are some other things you can do (from KidsHealth.org):

*Place your baby on his back. (I have two friends whose children had medical issues that necessitated them sleeping on their back. If there is no medical issue, however, always go back to sleep.

*Be careful about blankets. Babies heads should always be uncovered. So be careful when you pull up the blankets.

*Look at your bed frame. Are there gaps or openings that your child’s head could get stuck in? Could your baby get trapped between the frame and the mattress? Consider placing the mattress directly on the floor?

*Don’t leave your baby unattended in the bed.

*Don’t use big fluffy pillows, quilts, or comforters. Don’t have any stuffed animals on the bed.

*Don’t take medicine or drink. These things can prevent you from waking up or cause you to roll over onto the baby. If you’re sick and need some TheraFlu, put the baby in another bed or crib. Or sleep on the couch and let your partner handle the baby.

If you’re considering co-sleeping, check out this link on Dr. Sears’s website. Dr. Sears and his wife have eight children and write a host of books to help parents. Their approach is holistic, taking into account what is best for the whole family. Co-sleeping can be a wonderful thing for your family, if you take care to make it as safe as you can.

Are there any co-sleepers out there? Any tips for others who want to try? If you have co-slept with your toddler since he was a baby, how long do you plan on continuing? Or how have you transitioned him to a big boy (or girl!) bed?