Parenting Toddlers

Parenting works out sometimes because I get to get the things that I think are really cool - like crayons and Play-Doh. I love Play-Doh. LOVE IT, and having a kid gives me a perfect excuse to buy some. Thank God for Peanut! She’ll be 16 and I’ll still be buying “her” Play-Doh. Ohhh, and the wooden train set that I want to get for Christmas. For the kids.

Anyway, here is something that I think is really cool and that will benefit Peanut and the Little Guy as soon as he gets over the urge to put everything in his mouth. The Melissa and Doug Alphabet Stamp Set. It’s great. This set has both upper and lower case letters and a stamp pad with four colors. Parents, this is something that drives me nuts - Peanut mixes the colors. She puts the stamp into one color, then the other, so everything turns brown. If that drives you nuts too, you can always buy a single color stamp pad.

With young toddlers, this is a great way to work on the alphabet. Kids love stamps, and it’s a great activity to do together while you sing the alphabet. Plus, they’ll just love it.

When you’re teaching your child, you don’t really have to push it. They absorb so much. The other day, Peanut was in the bath and said, “I can feel my backbone. I’m a vertebrate.” She picked this up; we didn’t drill it into her. Kids will learn the alphabet through singing and just being exposed to the letters. So you don’t have to have a half hour lesson on the letters. Just pick up a stamp and say, “This is a B.” There, you taught. You may have to say it a few times, but just keep it casual. Toddlers are primed to learn and will with repeated exposure. And fun. They love to learn, so I always just let Peanut set the pace. If she gets sick of hearing me talk about letters and decided to start stamping her hand, so what? That’s exactly the perfect way to teach toddlers. And then you can say, “Oh, Peanut, you just stamped a P on your hand!” Or “What did you put on your hand?”

It’s also great for older toddlers and those verging on preschoolers. They can learn the difference between upper and lower cases - which can be confusing with letters like A and a that don’t really look the same. And they can start spelling words. Peanut can write her first name, MOM (YAY!!!), and Bo. You know, all the important words. It’s a great way to work on things together.

While I’m on the subject, other great ways to help your child learn the alphabet is to have magnets on the fridge. When we’re getting a snack, we take a minute sometimes to spell out a word. Usually “Bo” (oh, excuse me! I just assume everyone knows Bo. He’s our dirty, nasty, smelly comfort stuffed toy that Peanut brings everywhere). Again, though, it’s great because you aren’t pushing anything. The letters are there, your child sees them, and you can talk about them as the urge strikes. Alphabet soup, alphabet blocks, writing letters in sidewalk chalk or on marker boards…these are all great ways to expose your child to letters. They will learn in no time.

I just needed that picture of motherhood in my head today. That calm, serene, angelic picture that you get before you actually have kids. And breathe…

My kids are irritating me. They are really both getting on my last nerve. The baby kept ramming into me with his wheely walker chair thing while I was trying to exercise, and Peanut got every bit of extra crap in the living room and built a puppy house, which looks like a huge pile of extra crap from the living room. Earlier, Peanut was quietly watching My Little Pony (I can watch almost any PBS cartoon; I’m used to toddler entertainment. But I cannot deal with My Little Pony). I stepped into the kitchen for a second and came back to find the Little Guy chewing on my laptop, which should have been out of his reach except that he now climbs. Peanut does nothing but talk, and talk, and talk. This is a trait that I have always admired in people because I am a non-talker. But I find myself feeling far less admiration than irritation.

So, moms and dads, you may pretend to the world otherwise, but I know that I’m not the only one. I know your children irritate the living daylight out of you too. Whether you work or stay home, your kids are bound to get on your nerves at times. So what do we do? Especially when we’re at home with them, alone, and we’ve been imposing on the Ultimate Babysitter, Grandma, too much lately? Here’s what works for me:

* Going for walks. This does not quiet Peanut, but at least the Little Guy mellows out. Put him in the stroller with something to chew on, and he’s good. Peanut either walks with me or rides, chattering the whole time. But they’re calmer. And if they’re good, we stop by Grandma’s on our way home (which is conveniently located on our walking route).

* Going to the bathroom. If the kids are occupied and safe (in cribs, car seats, or whatever), just escaping for a minute can be sufficient to get your head together. Close the door, though, because they will follow you.

* Bathe. For my kids, baths are like sedatives. They play, they splash, and they have fun. After, they’re pretty cuddly. While you do have to actively take part, it is a little bit of a break in that they’re typically much less irritating around water. Also, if the toddler is occupied and safe, take a quick shower. Your toddler can even sit in the bathroom and color or look at a book while you take an exceedingly hot shower. Water makes everyone feel better.

* Take them out in public. It is somehow easier to deal with your children when there are other people around. Go to the library or the park or the store. Just get out of the house.

* Make sacred time. Exercise is my sacred time. I do things all day for the kids, in turn, I make them give me 45-60 minutes. This doesn’t always work out, like today with the wheely chair, but I usually time it right with the baby’s nap, and Peanut plays or exercises with me.

* Do something for you that you can do with your kids present. I love to read, but I seldom have a lot of time. My doctor told me to do things I enjoy; she ordered me to buy some books and sit and read. The kids will be fine playing. And you know what? It’s true. I can read a chapter or two while the Little Guy plays and Peanut looks at her books. I think everyone should have some quiet, independent time. I don’t want kids who need constant stimulation. They should learn to entertain themselves for a bit.

*Meditate. If they take naps, grab ten minutes to meditate. Light a candle, focus your thoughts on that point of light, and just try not to worry about anything for those ten minutes. Meditation relaxes and refreshes you. I am a hyper-worrier. You know the cliche about worrying that you have nothing to worry about? It’s the truth. So meditation is hard for me, but luckily it’s the practicing that counts. So give it a try.

*Run them. When Peanut is acting like a freak, we go outside. She runs. And runs. She runs herself tired and is more mellow. It gets her energy out. Last week, it rained the entire week. So, I’d keep the Little Guy on the porch, and send Peanut down the sidewalk of our apartment complex (no roads, so it’s safe). She’d run back and forth to get that pent-up energy out. Then she’s focused for inside playing.
Tire those kids out.

*Take a break away from them if you can. I’m lucky because my partner and I schedule days off. Tomorrow is mine, and I can do whatever I want sans kids. This is really essential because you need time to do things, even errands or chores or work, without worrying about the children. If you are a single parent, maybe you could have a relative or friend watch the kids for a big chunk of a day, if not a whole day. An hour or two is great, but if you can get more, take it. You need it. And it makes you a better parent, less likely to snap at your kids. Do something you love, take a nap, read, watch bad, guilty-pleasure tv, exercise. Do something for you. It’s really really important.

What do you do to relieve some toddler/child stress? I’m going for a walk now!

We get wrapped up in our toddlers lives - I know I do. But we have our own to live as well. If you have been a stay-at-home parent and are at the point where you want/need to go back to work, where do you start? You’ve seen your child through babyhood and now toddlerhood - can you leave him for work? Can you list “can make lunch while getting gum out of hair while feeding a baby” on your resume? It can be very daunting to go back to work, even if you also really are looking forward to it. It’s a scary world out there. So what things can you do to make the transition a bit easier for all of you?

**First, before even thinking about applying and interviewing, think about your financial situation. This may be exactly why you’re going back to work. For others, it may not make financial sense because you have to pay for daycare, transportation, etc. If your income is low enough, you may be able to get daycare assistance from your state so you can work and not spend your whole paycheck on daycare.

**Ok, on to jobs. Many moms and dads who have stayed at home for a few years worry about the gap on their resume. I know that when we applied for a mortgage, I was asked why I hadn’t worked since 2005. Wow, that sounds like a long time. You will be asked about this, and there are a few ways to prepare.

One, organize your resume in a way that doesn’t make the gap glaring. Don’t lie or embellish by any means, but you can organize by position and responsibilities instead of chronologically. This way, the potential employer can focus on what you’ve done.

Two, do not ever be defensive about staying home with your kids. If a prospective employer asks why you haven’t worked in a few years, you need to feel proud of the choice you made. If you get all embarrassed or ashamed, it makes you look like you didn’t make the right choice or that you wished you’d done differently or that you are not proud of the hard work that being a parent is. Do not ever think that being a stay-at-home parent is not work. It is, and you need to present it that way to your interviewer. Be direct, proud, and honest. During the time you were with your child, you have surely gained a ton of experience that can be directly applicable to a job position - don’t downplay your skills just because you did not get paid for them. Will some interviewers see your time with your child as a long vacation? Maybe. But many more will see it as a viable choice, especially now that more college-educated, “career” women are choosing to stay home and of course now that more women are doing the interviewing and hiring. So, yeah, you’ve “taken time off from work” (more accurately, you’ve taken time off from a paycheck, not work), but you have not spent the days watching Jerry Springer and eating Cheetos. You’ve done real, honest, great work. I can’t emphasize enough BE PROUD OF IT!

**Use your connections and resources. I was so fortunate to have a friend in the field I wanted to work in and she was able to get me in the door. If you have friends like these, buy them presents and chocolate. If they can help, let them. If not, though, don’t push it because you’ll alienate your friend. Maybe float the idea to them, if they bite, so be it. If not, then they at least know you’re looking and can keep their eyes open for you too. Put yourself out there.

Another good resource is your old college. Many have programs where alums can get career services and assistance. At my college, there was a women who did this. She helped me create an awesome resume that got me a bunch of interviews. This is really crucial. If you don’t have a good resume and cover letter, you’re not going to get interviews.

**Practice interviewing. I went for a job interview as a technical writer. I am convinced I would have done a terrific job. Had I nailed the interview. I even had a second interview so I had another chance to show them how wonderful I was. But I had gone through a period where I hadn’t had to interview in a years. I was literally rusty. I am convinced that my great resume and my skills could have got me the job, but I ruined my shot because I wasn’t a well-oiled interviewing machine. When I was in college, looking for my first teaching position, I practiced. I had my roommate help me. We practiced questions. I practiced walking into the room, making eye contact, and shaking her hand. This is as important as the questions.

They say that the interviewer tends to make a decision in just a few minutes, and your entrance can slant things in your favor. So we practiced this. Over and over. And I did questions on my own. I made a list of possible questions and practiced what I would say. The trick here is that you can’t sound rehearsed. So practice sounding natural too! Be prepared for weird questions. I was once asked how I felt about teaching black students. I think I almost died. What? I was a Northern girl applying for a job in the South, so maybe that’s why he wanted to test me a bit. But I believe that I pulled through by expecting odd things. So practice just random questions. It will come in handy.

Moms and dads going back to work face a huge challenge. There’s so much going on with family that it can be hard to switch your mindset to work. But you can do it. You managed to survive on no sleep when your kids were infants; you managed potty training; you’ve managed temper tantrums; you can handle this. Be confident and prepared. When focusing on this, don’t forget to address your emotions. It can be really hard in that way, so talk to your partner and your kids about returning to work. It will affect everyone. Here are some good resources:

Help with Resumes:
http://www.jobsandmoms.com/backtoworkresume.html

http://www.momsbacktowork.com/

http://careerplanning.about.com/od/stayathomeparents/a/return_to_work.htm

She’s perfect to me, but she doesn’t always act it.

The other day, I had enough of Peanut. She was an angel for the first three years of her life, and now she’s turned into…I don’t even know what. I wonder if she’s going through her terrible two’s late or her teenage years early. She is just out of control sassy. So she was in the bath and I was trying to wash her hair. This is a process every time because she has so much of it. So I was trying to rinse the shampoo out when she began fidgiting. I told her it only made it take longer, let me finish and then she could play in the bath. She kept moving away. Do that one more time and you’re going straight to bed after your bath, I told her. So she did it again. I scooped her up, dried her off, put pjs on her, and off she went to bed. But not so simply as that.

She didn’t understand that she had to stay in bed (it was about an hour before she normally goes to bed). She thought she had to stay in for a few minutes then she could go downstairs again. When she realized that this was not the case, she threw the best tantrum of her life. Screaming, freaking out. I’m surprised she didn’t froth at the mouth. I was standing firm, but what almost got me was this: “But I didn’t get to see Daddy all day. I want to hang out with him some more.” Awww…right in the heart. Her father had just got home from work, and she really hadn’t seen him but a bit. And he’d be at work the next day as well. Poor baby. I almost, almost told her she could come down in a few minutes when she was calm.

Almost. This little fiasco taught me the importance of remaining firm and not giving in to a three year old. It was really really hard to listen to hear cry - she sounded so sad. But if I had, it’s like saying, “You don’t really need to listen to me. You can do whatever you want, get a little slap on the wrist (so to speak), and then go about your day.” For a smart kid, this is just the price of business. They’ll wait it out and then continue to misbehave. That’s what we’ve discovered with Peanut. So, her consequence this time was to take away something she really wanted, hanging out with us downstairs. And not for a few minutes. I think it was really the first time she had to deal with her behavior by missing out on something - time outs are great, but again, patient kids can just wait it out. This was different for her, and for me. It was really hard! You wouldn’t think putting your kid to bed early would be so traumatic!

But hopefully the point was learned by her. She needs to listen the first time. If not, she gets her warning. If she does it again, she gets the consequence that fits the crime. The point for us is to really make sure it is a deterrent. Sending her to bed was. Her behavior since has been much better - we’ll see how long that lasts. But now at least she sees that we’re serious and that when she does something she’s told not to, she is going to have to take the consequences. I learned my lesson - or rather had it reinforced - that I need to be firm. Caving and letting her see her dad would have negated any point I was trying to make. Instead, I had her calm down and sent him up to give her a kiss and hug for bed. Then he left. She eventually was able to calm down enough and we discussed why I was sending her to bed. This is really important because toddlers may get so worked up that they really don’t remember or understand what they did. So we talked about it, and she seemed to get it. She didn’t like it, but she did seem to understand.

I made sure to keep my voice calm and level, and when I left, I said “I love you.” She said “I love you too, Mommy.” That made it a tiny bit harder too! She is a sweet kid and I hate to take things she likes away. But her behavior has to be more acceptable. It makes it more enjoyable to hang out for everyone.

Well, that’s an awfully dramatic title, isn’t it? Alas, I think my little Peanut is a preschooler now. Well, a preschool-age child, anyway. She has been talking about preschool for months. I’m not exactly sure what she thinks preschool is, but she really really wants to go. She wants to play with other kids and be a “grown up kid.” So for months, I’ve been saying to her, myself, and others that I just had to call and set up an appointment. Soon, I’ll do that soon. So today, we were taking a walk and she mentioned it again. I went home and called the local school. My phrasing while on the phone with them may indicate my attitude towards preschool “Hi, is it too late to register my daughter for preschool?” Darn, might have to wait until next year! But no, it was not too late at all. In fact, it was good that I called because they were having screenings on June 8. So we’re set up to get get screened for preschool.

I guess I didn’t really know what that meant. My best friend, who also used to write for this site, said they see how well they can cut, color, name their colors, etc. Good Lord. That’s my baby. Being screened. So if we get into preschool (which I think we have to, right? It’s a public school but preschool isn’t mandatory in our state), she will go in the fall. I will march her up to the door and LEAVE HER THERE. There are only a handful of people I have ever left Peanut with. I’m a bit freaked out. What if she gets scared? What if she has a total mental breakdown? What if her teacher is mean to her? (I’ve never met a mean preschool teacher, but hey, a mom imagines the worst.) What if some kid is mean to her? What if I just miss her? And that school is huge. It’s bigger than my high school. Yes, I know they keep the preschoolers away from those big huge eighth graders, but still. The building itself is enormous.

Peanut seems to have a very mature attitude about this. I don’t know their policy on stuffed animals. She and Bo go everywhere together. So I asked what if her teacher did not want her to bring Bo. She calmly replied that she’d keep him in her backpack during school. Ok. What if you get scared? “I’ll be fine.” And her added reassurance to me, “I’ll come back.”

You know what will happen? I’ll be “excited” when it’s the first day of school. On the night before, we’ll pick out an outfit to wear and get her backpack all set. Then we’ll go to the school, and she won’t be able to wait to go. She may be a little scared when I leave, but once I’m out the door, she’ll be fine. And then I’ll go home with the Little Guy and vow to never let that one get away.

Some days, I think Peanut just popped right out of the womb talking. This kid goes on and on and on. She is also very sassy. She’s getting a bit too sassy for my liking - I don’t want an automaton for a child, but she is sometimes too willful. She also has taken a liking to hitting or pushing her brother. The Little Guy is almost eight months old, and he can do all sorts of things now. He’s crawling, pulling himself up and using furniture to “walk,” grabbing toys, and playing. He also loves to grab fistfuls of Peanut’s hair and yank. It really hurts. But she retaliates by hitting him. She sometimes pushes him for no apparent reason.

Putting Peanut in timeout does not really work for us. She can wait it out. I have no problem believing that she could sit there for hours, patiently plotting her revenge. So we started taking away one buddy each time she hit, pushed, or in anyway hurt her brother. This worked at first - these incidences decreased by quite a bit. But they picked back up when she realized that she could just wait it out and get the buddies back in a few days.

I think part of her problem is that she’s over the honeymoon stage with her brother. Since he’s more active, he’s more like a person with whom she has to share us. He takes up more time and is not just a fun doll. So part of the solution to this hitting/pushing problem for us is to make sure Peanut gets her share of attention. This can be difficult on days when you have to get projects done, clean, cook, care for the baby, and do errands. But I’ve carved out a rough schedule so I can get everything in. It’s important to remember to spend time with the older child. It’s easy to forget because at this point, Peanut is much more self-reliant. She can get herself a snack, play, go to the bathroom, get books, and entertain herself. I think maybe I take this for granted and think she doesn’t need as much from me. But she does. It’s hard for me to do things with just her during the day when her father is at work, but I can turn the focus on her even when the three of us are together. On walks, the Little Guy sits and plays in the stroller, leaving Peanut and me to talk. We chat about this and that, and she gets up and walks some of the way with me. This way, no one is neglected! It is the same when we read. The Little Guy loves books - chewing on them mostly - so he listens, and I can talk to Peanut about the story.

Another part of the hitting issue is that she’s a toddler! (Although, I think technically, I’ll have to start calling her a preschooler. This is frightening to me.) She is testing her boundaries and our reactions. This is where it is doubly important to be consistent. We tried the buddy thing for a while. It didn’t work for us. When this happens, feel free to change things up. There’s no sense doing the same thing over and over again. So we’re going to try cuing her once or giving her one warning when she hits. If she does it again, she goes up to her room. We did this last night, and it seemed to work well.

If it progresses, then we’ll make a chart. Each time she pushes or hits her brother, we’ll put a frowny face or an X or something for that day. If she gets ten or so a week, she loses Grandma Day. I’m betting it’ll only take one lost Grandma Day to fix the problem. If you do something similar, make sure to follow up! If you say that she lost a privilege, take it away. Don’t relent. If you do, this tells the kid they can behave as badly as they want all week and then make a nice, sweet face and you’ll do what they want. Don’t give in. The chart gives you something concrete to point at, and for kids, it is a symbol of authority. The chart says you lost Grandma Day. You can point to it and have a visual reminder of behavior. For instance, the other day, I told Peanut that she could have ice cream if she helped weed in the garden. She pulled a weed, then went off to play. Then she expected ice cream. I told her no. “You didn’t do the work, so you don’t get the treat.” (Which means Mommy didn’t get the treat either.) If I had said, “Ok, we’ll get ice cream,” it would have completely undermined my authority. Next time, she’d be even less likely to work.

One other good idea that my partner’s mom had. The other night, Peanut had a snack in the living room. The Little Guy reached up on the couch and took a piece of food off her plate. Her father took it from him and warned Peanut to keep her food out of reach. It happened again, so Peanut got in trouble for leaving her food where the baby could get it. Here’s the suggestion the famous Grandma gave us: Instead of just disciplining Peanut, make sure you discipline the baby where Peanut can see. We have started telling the Little Guy NO in a stern voice when he does something like play with the plants or electrical cords (in a room full of toys, these are what he goes for.) So, we could say NO, very sternly to the baby. And then deal with Peanut. It shows her we are being fair and that we don’t favor the baby. I think this will go a long way in helping her over this pushing stage.

The other night, Peanut hopped up on my bed and lay down beside me. She leaned on my butt and said, “Mom, you have the biggest butt in the whole world! I’m going to sleep on it!” She thought it’d be comfy. I’d like to just add at this point that my butt is not the biggest one in the world. I said, “Oh yeah? Bigger than Dad’s?” (Which I know it is NOT!). “Yup, bigger than everyone’s.” So.

I told my friend about this and she said, “It sounds like she’s got body issues already. Three is way to young for that.” I agree that three is too young to be comparing my butt to everyone else’s in the world. I don’t think Peanut has body image problems though. She thinks she’s the best thing ever - she thinks she’s the smartest, prettiest little girl. I think her self-esteem is fine. What she is doing, however, is mimicking mom. I realize that my little parrot has no idea what “big butt” or “fat” really means. I asked her once and she really doesn’t know. She doesn’t ever call people fat or anything. She’s repeating me. I know this for sure because she stood in front the mirror, turned to the side, and said, “Do I look fat?” Could’ve sworn that my voice came from her mouth!

I want Peanut and her brother to be healthy and happy. I have always struggled with my weight, and having a baby didn’t help one bit! I try to set a good example by going for walks with the kids - Peanut walks some of the way, and by working out. Peanut joins me now and then. Plus, she runs around outside, rides her trike, etc. She’s very active. She also happens to be petite. All of my sisters - in fact, all of the women on my side of the family - are small. I don’t know where I came from. Her brother, on the other hand, is a big guy. He, too, is very active. He crawls around, picks himself up, moves along the couch, and does other baby-exercise things. But the fact is that he will probably be a large person. I don’t want Peanut or him to feel badly about their bodies. So that means that I have to come to some sort of acceptance with my own.

I model good exercise habits and have apples and carrots for snacks. What I really need to work on is not saying mean things to myself. First, it doesn’t do me any good. And second, I think it’ll damage my children. They’ll grow up thinking that their weight is the only thing about them. It’s bad enough that I do this, I don’t want them to. What I’d like them to think is that they are great people regardless of their appearance - or no, that they’re great people and beautiful even if their beauty is not stick-thin. I also want them to know that their bodies should be healthy so they can do the things they want to. I read an article today about a study on body image. A great majority of women do not like their bodies. But the reason is how they look, not how they feel or their health. So they’d rather be skinny and not necessarily healthy than a bit thicker and more healthy. I believe that you can be a bigger person and be healthy. I exercise, try to watch what I eat, have great blood pressure, a healthy heart…but I carry more pounds. I’m trying to take them off, but focusing on health is a well, healthier, way to think.

I talked to Peanut about this, and we’re working on saying nice things to ourselves, about ourselves, and to each other. This is one of those areas where I sort of slide. I make sure they eat healthy food, brush their teeth, stay safe, and all the big things, but this is something that also can have a big impact on their lives. So, a reminder to myself to be nicer to me so my kids will be nicer to themselves.

To all the moms out there, have a great day. Enjoy your children!

We always used to make our grandmother cards for Mother’s Day, and Peanut does the same for her two wonderful grandmas. So don’t forget Grandmas! I know that my mother and my partner’s mother are huge parts of Peanut’s life, and they deserve a ton of recognition.

This year, we are trying to buy a house so that means our budget has been tightened. Cheap, cheap, cheap. If you’ve read this blog before, you know that’s my favorite word! So for Mother’s Day, I think I’m getting a relaxing day with minimal work - like I can play with the children, but if they require something, their father can do it. That’s the best! For our mothers, I just had a picture printed of Peanut and the Little Guy together, put them in frames I had stocked away for just such an occasion. So I spent a whopping $4 on Mother’s Day - and who doesn’t want a nice picture of their grandchildren? And I stopped over at my very favorite kid craft site ever, FamilyFun.com, which is associated with Disney. I printed out a Best Grandma in the World certificate for one grandma - it has the fairies from Sleeping Beauty. Peanut signed her name. My mother is not a huge Disney fan, so I found a printable card that said, “Happy Mother’s Day,” for Peanut to color.

Voila. Done! Thoughtful and frugal - and quick! For some last minute craft ideas or printable cards, click here.

Today, MSNBC has a great article on today’s children being “secure,” “self-confident,” and rude as all get out. The thrust of the article is that today’s parents focus on building their children’s self-esteem. This is great - I definitely want Peanut to be confident and know she’s a valuable, worthy person. But too often, says the article, we are pushing them beyond confidence into rudeness. Many experts say today’s children are the rudest ever even though the parents are considered the most attentive ever. An excerpt:

It may be that today’s parents are so fixated on their children’s emotional well-being that they’re teaching them that the well-being of others is comparatively unimportant, says Dr. Philippa Gordon, a long-time pediatrician in Park Slope, Brooklyn, an urban New York neighborhood famous for its dense Gen-X parent population.

“I see parents ferociously advocating for their children, responding with hostility to anyone they perceive as getting in the child’s way — from a person whose dog snuffles inquiringly at a baby in a carriage, to a teacher or coach whom they perceive is slighting their child, to a poor, hapless doctor who cannot cure the common cold,” says Gordon. “There is a feeling that anything interfering with their kid’s homeostasis, as they see it, is an inappropriate behavior to be fended off sharply.”

The article talks about Generation Y, those born between 1980 and 1996 (just missed the cutoff on that one). I thought this was funny:

“They’ve grown up questioning their parents, and now they’re questioning their employers. They don’t know how to shut up, which is great, but that’s aggravating to the 50-year-old manager who says, ‘Do it and do it now,’ ” says Jordan Kaplan, an associate managerial science professor at Long Island University-Brooklyn in New York, in a USA Today article.

As for today’s little kids? “No one will want to hire them,” says Brody. That’s not an encouraging thought, especially in these economic times.

So what do we do? Take our kids’ spirits and break them! No, I believe in building them up, but not so “up” that they forget that other people have feelings and needs. Like anything else, we need balance. I tell Peanut she’s the most beautiful, smart girl in the world because she is! But I also tell her to consider other people’s feelings, not say rude things, etc. You have to let them know how special they are to you but that they live in a world of other people. It’s a hard concept for little kids, who are naturally egocentric, but we have to help them along. They may be perfect to us, but kids are not perfect. We shouldn’t expect them to be, but we should definitely expect them to be courteous and respectful to those around them. How do we do this?

*Talk, talk, talk. Tell them that you expect this behavior from them. Read books about being polite. Tell them that they can be strong and confident without being rude or mean. Make sure you are clear on the balance so you can help them.

* Don’t accept bad behavior. If your child is rude to another child or to you, call them on it. They need to be informed that this is not acceptable. Peanut has told me before to shut my mouth. I do not think so. I immediately call her on it and give her the appropriate consequence. If we’re in a store, she usually is able to get a treat if she’s good. If she’s rude, she gets a talking-to and no treat. Follow up. It’s no good to just blabber on about being rude and not enforce the consequence of bad behavior.

Where we live, there is a community playground. It’s great because we can just step out of our door and play without having to drive anywhere, and there are often other children for Peanut to play with. But there used to be a couple who lived in one of the apartments who would just let their children out to play by themselves. It’s not like they were 10 or something; one girl was Peanut’s age - at that time about 2. The other girl was even younger. They’d just go out the door, onto the playground, and play alone. Where were mom and dad? Who knows. It was the usual to go out there and have to watch a few extra kids to make sure they didn’t kill each other, fall off the monkey bars, get run over crossing the parking lot, or any number of the other nightmares that normal parents have.

I have also seen other parents on the playground not paying any attention to things their children do. I’ve had to discipline other people’s children while they were right there. I hate to do that. I cannot stand the idea of someone disciplining Peanut (other than her grandmother or aunts who watch her). How dare someone step in? But I feel like I have to because they simply won’t.

Here’s an example of a situation that turned out well: a little boy was playing with Peanut. When we went to go inside, she got on her trike and started pedaling. He randomly just spit on her seat. No idea why. I just said, “Yuck,” to him. Luckily his father was right there and instantly disciplined the boy. I didn’t have to do a thing. The way it should be, right?

I have been in similar situations where a child did something like that - it could be taking a toy forcibly, throwing sand, pushing, etc. - where the parent did not say a word. What could they be thinking? There is a woman who brings her children to visit someone in one of the other apartments. Her boys are rough. I hate to say it, but they are future a$$holes. I can see where this is headed. They get absolutely no structure or discipline. Anyway, Peanut was coloring with sidewalk chalk and the two boys came over and crowded her out, took her chalk, and started to play with it. Their mother didn’t do a thing. Peanut can stand up for herself, and she has, but these boys are much older. So I went over there and told them to leave her alone. Peanut was scared and angry - and I was angry too. Not so much at the boys, though they’re old enough to know better, but at their mother who didn’t take the time to say, “Hey, stop bugging that little girl.”

When do you step in to situations like these? I really hate to butt into other people’s business. I would rather they took care of their children in whatever manner they see fit. But some people do not do this. I have never been in the situation where I disciplined another person’s child and they got angry - mostly, they just seem glad someone else is dealing with their kids. But again, they don’t know me. I could be a maniac. Why would you let someone else handle your kids? I do not see the reasoning behind this.

I try to stay out of things unless a child is going to or has harmed Peanut or the Little Guy. If Peanut can handle it, I stay out of it. For instance, a little boy at the mall came over to her (again, where is mom or dad??) and tried to take her candy. She put her hand out and said “Stop. Leave me alone!” Good girl. I was glad she stood up for herself, but who is teaching this kid that it’s not all right to approach a stranger and try to take food? Who is watching this child to make sure he doesn’t get lost? If she hadn’t been so forceful, I would have stepped in.

I don’t like to judge other people’s parenting styles. We can all parent in different ways - my children need different things than other families. I have different ideas regarding scheduling and routine, for instance. But I don’t let my kids hurt or bother other children or do dangerous things. That should be a basic that everyone adheres to, but it doesn’t always seem to be.

Boys are foreign to me. I grew up in a household with four sisters. We had one lone brother. I had a girl, and I was totally comfortable potty training her. But now on to the Little Guy - not that we’re ready for potty training yet! How on earth do you teach a boy to go? I know grown men who have difficulty aiming at the big white target. How is a little toddler supposed to? So this week’s tip is for little boys. Teach them to pee sitting down. It will get them acclimated to the toilet and to the concept of going to the bathroom instead of going in diapers.

As he gets the hang of that, teach him to stand up. Apparently, this takes very little time once he’s got the whole potty concept down. An expert on BabyCenter says about a day should do it. This is where Dad comes in handy. I found some tips on this. Here’s what a site called Potty Training Concepts has to say on this:

*Make a game. Ok, they suggest that you use targets and let him “sink the battleship.” So you can things that are flushable, like colored ice cubes and have your son aim his pee at them.

*Use food coloring or toilet cleaner to change the color of the water. When your son pees in it, he’ll see it turn green. Fun! Do people do this? Does it work?

*This is my favorite - let him pee outside (in the woods or somewhere private!). He can practice aiming at something like a spot on a tree.

*Let him learn from Dad. Just by watching, he will pick it up.

There is also a product that is called Peter Potty, which is a kid-sized flushable urinal. This reduces mess, teaches him out to use the urinal, and is said to reduce potty training time by as much as six months. It’s $40 - which could be well worth it if it saves you six months worth of diapers or if you have more than one son or can hand it on to a family member or friend. For regular potty chairs and seats, there are boy splash guards too to cut down on messes.

Potty training will be an adventure this time around - if you have a boy and need some advice, check out BabyCenter, which offers answers from real parents. Click here for that. Do you have any of your own boy potty training advice to share with us?

Mother’s Day is one of my favorite days - I feel so proud that I went through the labor/delivery process twice. Both times was like running a marathon and the hardest thing I have ever done. I’m proud to be a mother. I’m proud of my kids. For all the other proud mamas, this is our day! So of course we need a craft to commemorate the occasion. Toddlers are too young to make our Mother’s Day presents on their own - so maybe Dad, Auntie, Uncle, Grandma, or Grandpa can help. Here’s a fun craft you can do with your toddlers for the other mamas in their lives, like Grandma. It’s super cute and easy - and mamas can always use soap. Here’s what you need:

Bar of soap (colored soap is always pretty)
Acrylic paints
Paintbrushes
Aluminum
Coffee can
Large pot
Canning wax or a white candle

Have your children paint designs on the soap with the acrylics, while you create a double boiler. Put the coffee can in a pot half-filled with water. Drop in wax and melt it over low heat. Then use a disposable paintbrush to cover the design on top of the soap. Let the wax dry. The protective coating will allow the soap to be used without washing away the picture.

How cute is that? And easy for toddlers. As always, be prepared for a little mess. But the rewards are so fun and cute. Try it!! I’m going to do this with Peanut for her grandmothers. I’ll post pics on how it turns out.

I have been thinking about consistency a lot lately. We are hoping to buy a house sometime soon, and moving is one of the biggest stressors in life. I know I hate the unsettled feeling that comes with moving. Whenever I move into a new place, I hurry to unpack everything. I can’t stand to live unsettled - I hate having my things in boxes. Anyway, if it is unsettling for me, I’m sure it’s as unsettling for children. I’m not only talking about moving, but any number of things that can unsettle (my word of the day!) you and your family. It could be losing a job, divorce, having a new baby, getting remarried, whatever. When you are going through these kinds of events in your life, it is as important as ever to provide a measure of consistency to your toddlers.

Consistency does not mean everything stays the same. Well, I guess it does! But really what consistency is is that your children know that they will be taken care of, that you love them, and that you are providing for them and will continue to do so. It doesn’t have to mean that you have the same routine everyday. For instance, I have friends who get up at a certain time, do the school thing, come back home, have dinner at a certain time, go to bed at the same time. It’s very structured.

This is great because it lets children know what to expect and they are comfortable and secure. In my family, we don’t do this! We get up whenever - this is decided by the Little Guy. We do our errands and chores and work, which are different on different days. We eat dinner when it’s ready, and we go to bed a half hour before Peanut starts getting cranky. It works for us, but I know some children who would go nuts with the lack of structure. But do not think there is no consistency. There is. We always have breakfast, we always do a bit of chores, we always talk to each other, we always have nap time, we always eat dinner together. Before bed, we always brush our teeth, read, and talk a bit. This is the consistency Peanut needs - not the consistency of time, but the consistency of attention and love.

So when you’re moving, everything’s unsettled. Your books may be packed up in a box. You may be spending all day packing or unpacking or figuring out the new house/apartment/job/child/spouse or whatever. But you can always build in some consistency no matter where you are or what your life is like. Make sure to tell your child you love him consistently; make sure to make a few minutes several times a day to talk to him. Little kids really can understand a great deal when we take the time to explain it to them. You may need to say “Mommy’s getting a new job and is feeling stressed (they may not understand “stressed” so you could try “tired,” “frustrated,” “a little grouchy” or whatever works for you). They’ll understand this. It’s ok to share a little about your feelings (don’t treat them like peers though, they don’t need to know everything). Just acknowledge that things are different and a bit strange at the moment. But a few things will always stay the same. I will always love you; I will always take care of you; we will always read “Good Night, Moon,” before bed. Whatever it is that your child needs, make the time to do that. It doesn’t have to be a strict routine, or it could be.

You know what your child needs. When (if?? when??) we do get a house, I know that I’ll have to make sure to inform Peanut of every step because that is what she needs. I know that we’ll provide her and the Little Guy with consistency as we go through that process by reassuring them, taking care of them, and doing the little things that mean a lot to them. Reading, going for walks, talking, saying I love you, eating together…all of this, no matter what time of day you do it, builds consistency.