Parenting Toddlers

Yesterday I went to lunch with Peanut and reminded myself to write a post about table manners. Peanut is a sweet girl, but sometimes her public manners need a little work. She tends to stand up on the chairs or wiggle around a lot when she eats. She has so much energy that it’s hard for her to sit still long enough to eat - is that a great excuse or what? I’m sure millions of moms say the same thing, but it’s not going to a good enough excuse when she’s in school and can’t sit down and listen to the teacher. So, first step sitting down at the table. We’ll worry about school later!

The thing that is important to me to emphasize is that meal times are about the whole family…it’s not the Peanut Show every minute of every day. We’re pretty kid-centric here but enough is enough. So when Peanut is jumping up and singing “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid at the top of her lungs, it is keeping her father and I, and everyone else if we are out at a restaurant, from enjoying their dinner.

Another thing is to focus on acceptable behavior and model it. Say Please and Thank You and give your child praise when he follows the rules. Don’t overpraise though. A simple smile and nod is more than adequate. First because you don’t want to make the focus all about them, and second, this is something they should be doing. You may have to cue them to say Please and Thank You but eventually they’ll get it.

FamilyFun.com has an article on table manners and includes a list of “Nevers.” Here’s the list:
Never…
* Begin eating until everyone has been served.
* Lick the knife! Sharp objects should never be put in the mouth, not to mention that Band-Aids don’t do well on the tongue.
* Lean back on a chair’s hind legs.
* Speak with food in his mouth.
* Chew with her mouth open. In addition, don’t chew noisily.
* Put more in his mouth than he can chew. Small bites should be encouraged. In addition, food should never be shoveled.
* Interrupt others when they are talking.
* Point utensils at others.
* Leave the chair out when he gets up. It should always be pushed in when he steps away from the table.
* Take the last bit of food without first offering it to others at the table.
* Talk about gross or gossipy subjects.
* Get up until everyone else is finished eating.
* Put elbows on the table. After all, Mae West once said, “Keep all uncooked joints off the table.”

Safety things are a must - like licking the knife. That’s a nightmare in the making. Other things like not eating until everyone is served or remembering to push in the chair when you’re done are nice to know, but I think we prioritize our list. If Peanut digs into her food before me, fine. She can refine her social graces as she gets older. For toddlers, I think it’s more important that they don’t yell, scream, or bug other people. Peanut also likes to look at other people’s food (strangers, that is) and comment. Rude! So, before we learn which fork is the salad fork and which is the entree fork, we should learn more basic things. The rest will come later. And again, teaching these things to your child is a lot about modeling the behavior. Peanut sees her grandmother put a napkin on her lap when she eats, so Peanut does it sometimes too.

And if they engage in behavior that is inappropriate or downright embarrassing? I have to tell you something: it’s kind of gross. Peanut, lately, has been saying, “Do you wanna hear something?” She’ll then turn her little rear towards you and fart. Yes, she’s a ten year old boy stuck in a three year old girl’s body. You’d never believe this adorable little girl is so foul. So when she did that yesterday at lunch, that was my 450th sign that we needed to work on table manners. I ignored her. When I do this, she’ll usually say “Excuse me,” and move on. Other little tricks: some toddlers spit out their food. Can you believe it? If your little darling does this, try wiping his face every time he spits. Little kids do not like that! They’ll stop spitting soon. Or if they’re using their utensils inappropriately, take them away for a while as warning #1. They don’t get warning #2 - you just take them away for good.

Dr. Sears, who is my favorite parenting expert, has some great advice for toddlers and table manners. Here’s a sample:
Use utensils to distract. Our daughter, Erin, used to windmill her arms during feeding, causing food to fly everywhere. Our solution? We put a plastic spoon into each of her hands to occupy her while we fed her with a third spoon. You can also try placing toys with suction cups on the highchair tray and letting the child play with them while she’s fed. And of course, there is the tried-and-true spoon-airplane trick — food will land safely into baby’s eager mouth while keeping her entertained.

I do this with the Little Guy! You can read the rest of Dr. Sears’s advice at the above link.

What are strategies you use to control your little one at the table? Do you enjoy mealtimes together?

Oh, also, there’s a story on a subject for parents with babies as well as toddlers. BPA, a chemical found in many plastic products, can have health consequences. I searched high and low for good BPA-free bottles for the Little Guy, and it is always good to use BPA-free plastics for toddlers and yourself of course. You can read more about steps being taken to eliminate BPA in products we use for out little ones at ReviewingBabyGear.com.