**You’ve had enough ice cream. If you want a snack, have an apple. But, Mom, ice cream is so cold and yummy. No, Katie, have an apple. It’s much easier with Peanut, believe me. Peanut’s eating habits are exemplary. She eats when she’s hungry and stops when she’s had enough, never out of boredom or emotion. She loves veggies, as do I. At least I have that going for me.

**You don’t say mean things about yourself; say something nice to yourself. I tell her this occasionally, though this kid’s self -esteem is not suffering. I want her to believe in herself and love herself. So far so good - with her, at least.

**It’s always good to try new things. I tell this to Peanut when we have unfamiliar foods or when we are doing something for the first time. We have an informal rule about this: if we’re having brussels sprouts for instance, I tell her that she needs to try it. She doesn’t have to eat it if she doesn’t like it, but she does have to give it a try. This extends to other things in life as well, and Peanut is game for a lot of new experiences. I sometimes avoid new experiences, even if I really think I’ll like them. Gotta stop that.

**When Peanut is looking for Bo (who inevitably gets lost around bedtime) she tends to shut down, flop herself down on the bed, and cry. I tell her all the time, wishing and crying is not going to make Bo appear. She’s got to look. Recently, I’ve really listened to myself on this one. I do the same thing. Metaphorically speaking, when life gets a bit tough, I flop down on the bed and cry, wishing things were different and my desires would fall from the sky. This doesn’t happen! Not with Peanut and not with me. I’ve got to get up and look.

Sometimes you have to take your own advice. Feel free to use your best Mommy voice.

An article in the Associated Press found that many parents are tossing out the disposable pull-up training diapers and replacing them with…nothing! What a concept! We didn’t use them for a few reasons:

* They are diapers. Why not use a diaper? There is absolutely nothing special about a pull-up except that they stretch to pull down. A child can just as easily handle the little tabs on normal diapers when going to the bathroom.

* They are diapers! They’re absorbent. Your child doesn’t feel the urgency to go. She can keep playing because the moisture is wicked away from the body. If kids don’t feel uncomfortable, they are not going to be in a hurry to potty train. Like Jillian Michaels says, if you don’t feel uncomfortable, nothing’s going to change. She was talking about your body, but it does apply to potty training as well!

* They cost a lot. Why add to your costs when you can buy a few cheap packs of underwear? If your kid has an accident, throw them in the wash and put another pair on.

A side effect of the recession is that parents are finding their children get potty trained much more quickly. In the interest of balance though, here is a counter view from the article:

“The big problem isn’t potty training. The problem is the emphasis we place on ‘holding it’,” said Steve Hodges, assistant professor of pediatric urology at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center.

“Kids always say they don’t have to go,” he said, “but they always do.”

I hadn’t really thought of that, but when kids say “I don’t have to go,” it’s always a good idea to make them. Especially before bed and car trips and before you put on their snowsuits, boots, hats, and mittens (I HATE hearing, “I have to go to the bathroom,” after I’ve spent 15 minutes dressing Peanut!).

Anyway, you can find the whole article here.

Anyway, for a few weeks, Peanut was Hermoine. She insisted that she be called by that name. She’d find sticks in the yard and use them for wands. Now she has switched to Harry. She corrects people when they call her the wrong name (that is, her real name). I have had to put my foot down on that one. I told her I’d call her what I named her. Grandma, though, plays along more nicely. Yesterday in the car, she asked when we’d be home. I said, “Soon, baby.” Her reply:

“Why do you call me baby? I’m not a baby! I’m a big girl, I mean, a big boy. I’m Harry.”

My partner sometimes gets concerned that she’s out of touch with reality. But she definitely knows she’s a girl, she definitely knows she’s pretending. And in my mind, there is nothing wrong with that. I think it’s helping build her imagination, and I am really proud of her for being creative and fun. And for her sense of costume. Because Harry needs his glasses and scar. Her father drew a lightening bolt on her forehead, and her aunt got some cheap reading glasses at the drugstore, took out the lenses, and shaped them to look like Harry’s round specs. Very cute. She’s been wearing those glasses for three days. I make her take them off for bed - because that’s what Harry does. She periodically needs a touch-up on her scar too.

Kids go through stages all the time. When my youngest sister was a toddler, she loved to pretend she was a dog. She’d make you pet her and take her for walks. She was really into it. I think adults forget how to let themselves go that much and get really involved with their dreams. But kids, especially toddlers, can live in this world and in the “real” world. As a parent, I try to encourage this - short of calling her Harry all the time. I love that she pretends and experiments and is not bound by reality as much as adults. My other sister made a good point yesterday when I was talking about my little wizard. She said, “At least she’s not pretending to be Hannah Montana.” Thank God for that!

Here’s my little hairy Harry:

My neighbor has a gorgeous little daughter who will be three in November. Peanut loves to play with her, and besides Peanut being super bossy and not liking to share as much as she should, they do a great job together. Anyway, they are in the process of potty training her, and she asked what we did to potty train Peanut. She also asked friends on Facebook. The big consensus was UNDERWEAR! Get em, use em.

When we were potty training Peanut, we tried a variety of things, which is good. You never really know what will work for your child until you try. And as we all know, what works on one day will not necessarily work on another. So we worked on it throughout the year she was two, and sometimes she wanted nothing to do with the potty at all. She could do it but just didn’t want to. I am a believer that when kids are ready mentally, they will do it without much fuss. This was the case with Peanut - but I was in a bit of a hurry because I wanted her potty trained before her brother came along. Diapering two kids is not budget-friendly! Anyway, finally, knowing that she could do it but choose not to, her father and I went to the store and bought packs of underwear. Packs and packs.

We came home, explained to Peanut that she was going to start wearing big girl underwear! YAY! How exciting! And it was when she saw the cute monkeys and stuff on her underwear. She put them on, all happy, and promptly peed in them. We put new underwear on her, and sure enough, a while later, she peed in them. So we put new ones on her (this is why we bought packs and packs!). The next day, she peed three times in her underwear, but we replaced them with clean pairs. After she saw that we wouldn’t give in and put a diaper on her, she stopped peeing. Just like that. Boom. Potty trained. It took about two days. We’d been leading up to it, but those two days were really the trick with her. (She wore a diaper at night for a few weeks beyond this - you’ll know when to start getting away from this when diapers are dry at night for several consecutive nights. Just make sure he/she goes potty before bed time.)

Toddlers will want to go back in diapers. It seems odd to us, but really, diapers are so good now that they wick moisture right away from the child’s skin. This is good for the little ones so they don’t get rashes, but not so good for toddlers. They don’t care if they pee, they can keep right on playing. When they feel wet underwear, however, it’s not so pleasant and they want to change back into the diaper so they can just play and not worry about going to the potty. Don’t do it! Don’t give them that way out. This is why I’m not a huge fan of pull-up diapers. Kids need to feel uncomfortable in order to get out of that habit.

Many people have their kids pick out their own underwear so they’re even more excited to wear them. This is a great idea and gives your toddler ownership of the process. We didn’t only because Peanut was at Grandma Day, which is a holy day here. So we did it for her, and it was fine. Do what you think is right. A surprise of packages of underwear with her favorite character will work just as well. A note: we went to a discount store and bought several packs. I’m not really into paying extra just so Dora can be on my daughter’s underwear. A generic rainbow or monkey or puppy works just as well for Peanut.

There are many different ways to potty train a child, but this is what worked for us and for other people I know.

Pack n Play:
My mother got us a Pack ‘n Play for Peanut, and we still use it today. These things are great. We used it before Peanut went into her crib in her own room, and it was a great way to transition between our room and hers. They’re compact, they’re light, and they’re useful. If you travel, they’re great for toddlers. We brought it to motels, grandparents’, parents’, and on other overnight trips so Peanut would always have a bed and a place to play that she was familiar with. When she was older, we added a pillow and some buddies and it was like her own special room. Perfect if you go places and want a mobile kid. When they’re not in use, they pack up quite compactly, so they don’t take up precious closet space. There are some models with little changing areas, and there is an endless variety of colors, styles, etc. And another great thing about them: you can use them for multiple children or pass them on to family and friends, and they hold up great.

Stroller:
Must have, must have. When Peanut was born, I struggled with postpartum depression, and walking helped tremendously. I can’t say enough about walking - plus it, eventually, helped me lose weight. When we had the baby, I got a double stroller because I didn’t want to miss any walks, and they both love it. Now that Peanut’s older, she gets out sometimes and walks too. But it’s great for making quick trips to the post office or store when I don’t want to drive, and it restores my sanity.

Baby Wipes:
I asked my partner which products we couldn’t have lived without for Peanut, and he said “Baby wipes,” without hesitation. Yes, they are extremely useful. And not just for diapers. We always carry them for the Little Guy but just as often need them for Peanut. Dirty faces, sticky hands - they come in handy all the time.

Bath seat:
We didn’t need this for Peanut, but will for the Little Guy. Peanut always loved baths. She’d get in, play with her toys, splash, and have a ball. The Little Guy screams continually. He’s too big for his baby bathtub, so I’ve had to get in with him and hold him in my lap. Where he screams continually. So, I think this may help him feel more secure in the water. I hope. Otherwise, he will hate me, and we will both hate bathtime.

Bo:

We got Bo second-hand in a box of clothes from a friend. This turned out to be the best present Peanut has ever received. He has been a constant in our family for years. These days, Peanut sometimes leaves him home when she goes places, but she always, always needs him to go to sleep. I’m not ready for her to outgrow Bo completely.

What are you toddler essentials?

I feel bad. I feel horrible. I feel like I’m choosing the baby instead of her. When her father’s home, he’s the one who ends up doing more activities with her, like gardening or fishing. Why don’t we do more together? Good question. I don’t know. I could just take off with her some evening and play at the park or something, but when her father gets home from work, I like to all spend time together. I sound whiny, but I feel like I’m neglecting Peanut. And oddly, I feel like I’m neglecting the baby half the time too. At this point, it’s impossible to take him to the beach or playground because he shoves rocks or other nasty debris into his mouth. Instead of playing with Peanut I either have to chase the baby around constantly or put him in his stroller, which he doesn’t like when he sees his sister playing in the dirt.

I feel especially guilty because Peanut spent the night with her grandparents and is still there, and the only thing I really feel is relieved. I’m glad she’s not here because then I don’t have to feel bad about telling her I can’t play with her right now. I feel bad because I hope they keep her for the morning so I can get some things done while the baby naps.

I know when the baby is a bit older and gets over his need to chew on rocks, I can take them both out to play and not have to worry about him choking. I can take them to the beach. I can do all sorts of fun things - but what about now? Now, I just feel crappy. I feel like I’m shortchanging both of them. I don’t know how people handle three, or four, or five kids.

I guess what I can do is to make the time. Leave the baby with his father and take Peanut to the park for an hour when it’s possible. I can stay up a little later at night working so I can use baby nap time to paint with Peanut or watch her ride her bike. She’s been such a huge help since the baby has been born, helping to clean, fetch diapers, even share her toys. She is very good with the fact that since the baby can’t do anything really for himself, he needs more of us. She knows this, and that makes it worse for me that there is less for her. Not less love, but just less of me.

I love both of my children - they are the sun and moon to me. They’re both so precious - but it can be hard juggling them and paying attention to all their needs. Especially at the same time!

We recently took a trip to Cape Cod, which is several hours away by car. Why take a trip with a three year old and a nine month old? I will blame my partner. He wanted to go so his grandparents could meet the baby. Ok, good reason. But traveling with children can be difficult. We were extremely lucky that both were unbelievably good. For those traveling this summer, here are some good tips for maintaining the peace during trips:

* Toddlers thrive on consistency. On trips, everything is different, but try to make meal times, nap times, and bedtimes are normal as possible. Bring something from home, like a favorite buddy, pillow, or blanket to soothe your child. Peanut had Bo, of course, and her night light.

* Make your toddler go to the bathroom before starting your trip and at each rest area you stop at. If they say they don’t have to go, make them. Because, there is a great chance that they do have to go, and sometimes it is not possible to pull over. Limit drinks in the car also.

* Plan to take longer. There’s really no way around it: toddlers will have to stop to go to the bathroom or get out and stretch their legs so they don’t go nuts. Build this time into your trip.

* Give them something to do. Peanut’s grandparents have taken her for long trips before, and she loves it. They have a dvd player and an ipod with short movies and videos for her. We are more low-tech. With us, she had Harry Potter (her new favorite. Someone let her watch the movies!) coloring books, crayons, and notebooks. She looked at those books and drew all the characters. This kept her amply entertained for a long time.

* See if you can plan around sleep times. When Peanut was a baby, we would leave on trips ridiculously early. Three or four in the morning. This time, we had to wait until later, but we timed it to coincide with the Little Guy’s nap time.

* Bring healthy snacks.

* Listen to toddler music. It may drive you nuts, but toddlers do love them. Sing along. They love when you act silly.

* Come up with games. Peanut was getting testy, so I said, “Yellow car, I win.” This is a game she has created which only she seems to know the rules to. She always wins. Anyway, we just all spotted stuff and said, “Green trees, I win,” or “Feet on the dashboard, I win.” Really no point whatsoever, but it entertained her and us.

* Get a sunshade - wherever you are, the glaring sun is sure to hit your child’s eyes the whole way. It’s just parent luck. Also, make sure the temperature is right. This helps them sleep more as well.

* If possible, play a lot before leaving on your trip. Run them down!

* Don’t expect perfection. You will not get it from toddlers riding for hours in the car. Be understanding that this is really hard for some kids. Stop, take rests, sing - but try not to lose your temper. It is really easy to do this when your child is being a beast in heavy traffic while your car is overheating (for instance!), but it’s not their fault.

* Once at your destination, provide some play time before doing anything else. Again, plan this into your agenda.

Here are some great sites for game/entertainment ideas:

Mom’s Minivan
Family Travel Forum
Baby Center

Anyway, enough! Let’s talk fun, creative, and beautiful birthday cakes! Both Peanut and the Little Guy have birthdays coming up, and they’re within days of each other. Last year, Peanut kind of had a sucky birthday because we were coming home from the hospital that day. So this year, I want to make it a great time. Peanut says she wants a zebra cake, and I have grand schemes for the Little Guy’s. We’ll see if I can actually do what I see in my mind. I like to bake, but I’ve never made really nice cakes before. So I turned to my source for all things kid, Family.Fun.com.

They have a lot of great ideas for cakes, including Cinderalla’s Castle, a pirate hat or pirate ship cake, sports cakes, animal cakes, jungle cakes, you name it. And the ingredients aren’t absurd or that hard to do. Mostly, you just have to gather different kinds of candies and then arrange them, so you don’t have to be handy with an icing bag - which I am certainly not. A lot of them start with a frosted cake base - just a plain old rectangular cake that even I can make. From there, the options are unlimited. Check this one out:

Looks great, looks professional, and looks like any toddler will love it. Toddlers love monkeys. Here’s all you need to get:

Frosted 9- by 13-inch cake
Caramel Cow Tail
2 (1 1/2-inch) Tootsie Rolls
Green Fruit Roll-Ups
Green Fruit Streamers (I’m not sure what these are, but you can use green fruit roll ups or green air heads - green is the key here, and you can definitely improvise)
Banana Runts
Milk Duds
Midgees Tootsie Rolls
Yellow hard candy

And here is what you do:

1. Tree trunks: Stretch a caramel Cow Tail so that it is 11 inches long and set it on the left side of the cake for the coconut tree. Place two 1 1/2-inch Tootsie Rolls end to end on the right side for the banana tree.

2. Leaves and fruit: Cut 3 green Fruit Roll-Ups into 1- by 4-inch pieces. Round the ends of 4 pieces to resemble banana leaves, and press a green Fruit Streamers strand atop each. Cut fringes into 6 more pieces for the coconut palm. Use the remaining Fruit Roll-Ups lengths to add a bush at the foot of the coconut tree. “Hang” a cluster of Banana Runts from the banana tree and a few Milk Duds coconuts from the palm.

3. Monkeys: For each one, flatten a Midgees Tootsie Roll for the torso. Roll pieces of 2 or 3 more Midgees into small balls for the head and ears, and into thin ropes for a tail, arms, and legs. Place a Banana Runt in its hand.

4. The sun: Place a yellow hard candy in the upper right corner.

Very simple for such a cool looking cake. Some reviewers even said that their children helped make the monkeys.

The cake can be a huge part of any toddler party or celebration, but they can also be a huge expense. I know that I’d rather spend money on a cool gift or a birthday treat rather than a really expensive cake - especially if I could make a cool-looking one myself at minimal cost. Buy a cake mix, some frosting, and some candy. Poof, you’re done, and you’re done relatively cheaply. You can expand and use your creative genius to create any type of cake you want. Seeing this site was really helpful because I was wondering how on earth I would do some of the things I wanted to. Now I know that I can just use my eyes and imagination and pick up some candy to make what I want.

Even the more complex ones are easy. I have a sister who we call “B,” and there is an awesome beehive cake that I can make for her. Everyone will be impressed because it looks hard but is definitely not. Here is that one:

RECIPE INGREDIENTS:
8-inch round cake
6-inch round cake
Half-sphere cake baked in a 2-cup ovenproof bowl
3 1/2 cups yellow frosting
13 round cookies (we used Keebler Sandies Pecan Shortbread)
1 1/2 cups light-blue frosting
12 Twix Minis
12 marshmallows
Chocolate frosting
Large yellow gumdrop
Sweet Behive Cake - Step 1 1. Use a long serrated knife to trim the tops of the round cakes flat, if needed. To get the smooth look of our cake, first stack the three cakes on a wire rack over a cookie sheet. Heat 3 cups of the yellow frosting in the microwave until it liquefies, about 20 seconds. Stir the frosting, then slowly pour it over the top of the cakes, as shown, covering them completely. Refriger­ate the stack for about 30 minutes to harden the frosting.

2. Meanwhile, frost 12 of the cookies light blue and place a Twix in the center of each. Use scissors to cut the ends from the marshmallows and press on these ends, sticky side down, for wings.

3. Carefully transfer the cake to a platter. To add a door, trim one edge of the remaining cookie, as shown, cover both sides with chocolate frosting, then press it onto the hive. Spoon the rest of the yellow frosting into a resealable sandwich bag, snip off a corner, and pipe markings onto the bees and hive. Top the hive with the gumdrop and arrange the bees around it. Serves 12.

How cute is that?

I’m full of ideas for my own children’s cakes, and I can’t wait to try. And then they’ll demolish it. Hopefully they look at it for a second before diving in! If you want to check out the great recipes for cakes, click here. There is also a lot of craft and activity ideas too.

Reward charts are a good way for children to see the effects of their behavior. Toddlers are concrete thinkers for the most part, and the visual reinforcement of a reward chart is a great tool. They will also love coloring in the different parts if you have a chart like the one from Super Nanny above. This chart can be downloaded here. There are also pirate and space charts.

There are a lot of ways to use these charts, which are geared for children age three to five, so it’s at the older end of the toddler spectrum. Super Nanny gives some tips on how to use them:

1) Think about the behaviour you would like to address with your child. The younger the child, the more focused you should be: a preschooler reward chart will work best when you just centre on one or two things you’d like to work on. Older children could handle a longer list, alongside a number of privileges which they gain or lose accordingly.

2) Find a quiet time to sit down with your child and explain the reward chart. Stress that this is not a punishment, but an opportunity for mum and dad to say ‘well done’! Explain that when she achieves the goals you’ve set out for her, she will move up the chart, but she can also move down the chart. Let her choose her final reward from a range of approved options.

3) Your motivation will be the key to making her reward chart a success: keep your tone light and positive when you praise her and have a ‘halfway mark’ which you celebrate with a small treat, so she feels she’s really getting somewhere.

4) She’s there! Make a big deal about her getting to the top of the chart, and, whether it’s a day out or a new book, make sure she gets her reward promptly: she’s earned it.

An example: I think I’ll use the chart because Peanut and I are starting to do some preschool workbook activities. She wasn’t able to get into preschool because the slots were all full up. (We’re on a waiting list, so there is a bit of hope). Anyway, we could use the chart to reward her doing one activity in the book per day. When she has done five, she can get a little treat. Ten can see like a lot for a toddler, so breaking it up into halves is a great way to reinforce behavior. At ten, she can get a bigger treat. I’m not into spending a lot of money - frugality is one of my main concerns when it comes to my family. So a halfway treat could be a trip to the fun playground. We don’t usually go there because it’s a huge process with the baby, but I could sneak out with Peanut for an hour or so when her father’s home to watch the Little Guy. For a big treat, we could have a fun day, go to the beach, or whatever she’d like. It’s a good way to get in some quality time as well.

You can use it for whatever behavior(s) you’d like to focus on, even potty training. The key is to make it fun for your child and something that he/she will want to work for. You can use Super Nanny’s templates and print them or you can make your own using paper, a chalkboard, or a white board. Try what you think will work for your child.

Does anyone use reward charts? Have you found them to be effective? Tell us about your experience!

I found this by chance the other day and had to share it. It kind of speaks for itself so here it is:

I am so sick of moms who seem to stop caring about how they look just because they have kids. Seriously, how hard is it to blow dry your hair and put a swipe of lipstick on before you leave the house? I had to spend extra time assuring my husband that I wouldn’t let myself go when we had kids because he’s seen it happen so many times. Wouldn’t you agree that they are giving us moms who still have some self-respect a bad name? — Get Your Roots Done Already!

This was on the site Babble. And the response (which you can read here) was all about moms not having time, support, or resources. Or simply not caring about putting on lipstick before going to the playground. Some people are those put-together types that always look great, have spotless homes, and spotless children. How they accomplish that is beyond me. I can manage one of those at a time, sort of. Maybe half of one of those things at a time. Who has time? And I’m a stay at home mom. I theoretically do have the time to shower, shave my legs, pretty up my face, and actually put some product in my hair. Sure. And then, I can look stunning while I play in the dirt with the kids? Or while I feed my son whose favorite thing to do is sneeze when he has a mouthful of oatmeal?

Why do new moms let themselves go? Maybe some of us don’t have the genetic makeup of Angelina Jolie or the luxury of having a trainer and/or chef. Maybe it takes someone over a year to lose weight from the baby so she feels kind of frumpy and doesn’t want to buy clothes that (hopefully) won’t fit in a few months. And sleep. Forget it. When babies are young, it is a treat to get two hours of sleep in a row. When your baby is napping during the day, you don’t want to put on some makeup, you want to rest. Why should I put on my pearls and heels to vacuum or go to the grocery store? It’s ridiculous. I find the person who wrote this to be absolutely ridiculous. Even worse? Her husband. Making her promise not to let herself go after she had kids? No pressure to lose baby weight there, huh? I put enough on myself, I would freak out if my partner insisted I lose weight inhumanly fast.

Even worse than that? Her agreeing and seeming to take pride in that. What? Are you kidding? Why take pride in having an a$$ for a husband? When you’ve just given birth, you’re a queen. I don’t care if you haven’t brushed your hair or got out of your pajamas. You have done the single most difficult thing bodies can do. And you are continuing to do the most difficult thing - raising a loved, healthy, happy child. That’s what matters. It’s important to feel confident and take pride in yourself, but it’s absurd how some people place so much value on appearances. Kids are not accessories. Kids are dirty, messy, and exhausting. I’m all for having mom’s day at the spa or taking care of yourself, but if happiness means wearing your sweats while running errands, go ahead. I have a lot of self-respect, but it does not coming from wearing lipstick or having perfectly coiffed hair. It comes from being a good person and good mom. Maybe this oh-so-perfect mom can set a good example for her children and be a nice human being and give others a break.