Parenting Toddlers

I grew up in a family with five siblings - my daughter is an only child for the moment, and the difference is enormous. She is also the first grandchild on both sides of our family, so she is the center of a lot of people’s attention. She has seven people who only have one neice and four grandparents with only one grandchild. She is spoiled (not by me, of course!). But, in a few months, she will be joined by a little sister. For now, she seems to like the idea. She even says she will share her stuffed dogs with the baby (for Peanut, that is like sharing a vital organ).

She pats my belly and sometimes asks if the baby is still in there. We talk about things we will do when the baby is born and how I will sometimes have to pay a bit more attention to the little one because she needs me for things like eating that Peanut can do herself. She seems to understand. But I think a lot of her excitement about the baby is due to the attention she is getting now. We talk about Peanut’s little sister and how she’ll be a great big sister to her. I don’t think she understands that the baby is going to stay here forever and that her life will change quite a bit. I’m kind of anticipating some hard feelings on her part.

There are a lot of parents of toddlers who are in this situation. What are some things you can do to smooth over the transition and try to keep sibling rivalry to minimum?

**My good friend had a three year old son when she was pregnant with her daughter. She had him pick out a present for his little sister and bring it to the hosptial when she was born. The baby also had a present (picked out by mom) to give to her brother. I thought this was a great idea.

**I’m going to work with Peanut to make a family photobook for the new baby. We’re going to take pictures of everyone together and then make a great book. She can glue, cut (sort of) and decorate it. Then, when the baby is born, we can read it to her together. Attention for both of them. I am also making two blankets with the same fabric - one little, one big. Peanut wants to give the blanket to her sister, so I thought it’d be cute if her sister gave one to her too.

Things get more fun when the kids get bigger and can fight about toys and attention and how things aren’t fair.

**Whenever possible, stay out of things. Let them try to work it out.

**If they start hitting each other or screaming beyond your threshhold, seperate them until they’re calm.

**Don’t blame one child or the other.

**Try to work out a compromise. If they want the same toy, you could have them play together. If they refuse and still fight, you can take the toy and put it away so they can’t see it. They’ll move on, hopefully to seperate toys.

**Make sure each child has his share of one-on-one attention. Do things with them that are special and allow you to spend some quality time together. This is hard if you are a single parent, but maybe you could do it during nap time or have a friend or relative babysit one or the other. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, even ten minutes a day or so is great for your child - and you.

**Do things as a whole group. Have fun together.

**Don’t compare your children.

**Teach them that fair isn’t always equal. One will need things the other doesn’t at certain points.

There are some other great tips at the University of Michigan child topics page. Click here to see more.

As always, there are things that work for your children that may not work for others. Or things that work sometimes and not others. You just have to find the right thing for your children. If you have any strategies or tips to share with other parents of toddlers who also have infants, please share them. I could use some expert advice too. Also, if you want to check out some other great parenting sites, try 451 Press.