Parenting Toddlers

I was reading the news today, and everything was about rising gas prices and food prices and heating oil prices and everything prices. It makes me anxious, especiallly having a child and one on the way. I’m sure there are a lot of people in the same position. The good thing about kids, though, is that you can do a great job raising them no matter what your money situation is like.

When I was pregnant with Peanut, I was kind of sad that I couldn’t afford to get all the things that I had pictured for her nursery - and in the apartment we lived in then, she wouldn’t have her own room anyway. Then I realized how ridiculous I was. Babies don’t care how their rooms are decorated. They don’t care if they sleep in their parents’ room (which she did even when we moved to a larger apartment and had her own room). They don’t care if their crib sheets match the curtains. All of those things are about the adults anyway. A baby needs love, food, and safety. Period. That’s it.

When babies grow up, their needs change of course. They need more. They need toys that will stimulate them, they need more books, they need art supplies. I grew up with five siblings and our mom was a teacher. We never had a lot of money, but we had things we needed. The rest we either made or pretended we had. We made kites out of plastic store bags and footballs out of milk jugs. I definately think we’re all creative because of this!

You may not be in that extreme a situation, but does your child need every new toy that comes along? Do her toys need to be expensive? My daughter loves these little puppies that come in the machines in front of stores. For fifty cents, she gets a toy and is thrilled. Plus, she has quite a collection for only a few bucks. I bought my daughter a little computer for Christmas, but that’s not the only way your child will learn. Books, which are so easy to find free or cheap, are awesome learning tools. Listening to the radio, talking about what you see at the store or the post office, going to the park, taking a walk…these are all free and things your children will enjoy. Where we live, we have to travel quite a ways to get anywhere. If we want to get dish soap and laundry detergent, it’s like a day trip. I’ve been feeling bad that there isn’t a zoo around to take Peanut to - the nearest one is literally in a different country. But, you know, she’d have just as much fun if I took her to a farm to see cows, horses, and sheep. We have expectations of how we want our children’s childhoods to be, but our kids will grow up strong and healthy and happy if we just spend time with them.

As parents of toddlers, we’re lucky. Our kids still want to spend time with us. That’s really what they need. They will not love you more if you buy them more. Definately not. To tell you the truth, I haven’t bought Peanut more than a few presents for big things like Christmas and birthdays. First, because she gets a lot from her relatives. Second, because she gets overwhelmed with a lot of stuff thrown at her at once. Third, she’ll open her presents and then go back to playing with her old, third-hand stuffed dog that she’s had since she was a few months old. And honestly, it is much better for us to use our money to save, pay bills, buy essentials, than it is to buy her new, expensive toys that she’ll use once or twice.

Plus, there are a lot of toys that are cheap and not so flashy. Crayons, paper, play dough, paint - all of these are affordable and let your child be creative. They’re fun too. Peanut was excited for spring so she could play in the mud puddles…they don’t expect expensive things.

I apologize if this is stuff you already do or know, but seeing the price of everything go up makes me think that raising children is getting harder and harder to do. One thing that you can stress less about, though, is their quality of life and their love for you. That doesn’t have a monetary value, and you can raise the best kid with very little money.

All toddlers love to cook in play kitchens, but did you know that you can also bring them into your real kitchen and make their day by allowing them to cook? I was always hesitant about allowing my children to help me cook. When I’m in the kitchen, its my way and that’s it. I relaxed one day, however, when my boy was constantly underfoot while I was cooking dinner. I was always trying to figure out new ways to get him to eat different foods, so I decided one day that I’d have him help me to make the easiest meal ever…

Pizza!! I do occasionally make homemade crust, but I decided that I would use pre-made crust this time. I picked up some of that “already made” crust in the cooler at the grocery store and I grabbed some toppings. I knew that he wouldn’t eat sauce, so I left that off. The first pizza he made consisted of mozarella cheese and bologna.

Yes, bologna.

But he made it, he helped me to put it in the oven, and he scarfed it down like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t believe how well he ate it! Ever since then I have made it a habit to make pizza with my children every once in awhile. Making pizza not only helped us to get him to eat more things, but it helped me to relax about my kids helping in the kitchen. Now we make everything from dinners to desserts together!

Playing in a play kitchen is fine, but let your child experiment in the kitchen with you - I guarantee you’ll be surprised at how well they do!

Why is it that parents are always overscheduling their children? I know of a woman who has her son (who is in elementary school) in every afterschool program available, keeping him busy until 5 p.m. every night, and then into Tae Kwon Do two nights a week. Her toddler is in daycare while she works, and then has a gymboree class on the nights that her brother doesn’t have Tae Kwon Do. These guys are constantly running around, and every time I talk to her older child he says how tired he is.

How come parents believe that their children have to have some activity to fill up their every waking moment? Children do not necessarily need something to do every day! They need quality time to spend with their parents, as well as with their siblings. Toddlers especially need a lot of sleep and a lot of cuddle time. If a toddler, or any child for that matter, spends too much time on other activities, they will be tired, cranky, and may have behavioral problems.

Is it alright to put your toddler in an activity or two? Absolutely - but if they have more activities scheduled than they do cuddle and chill-out time, you might want to rethink your schedule a bit.

We headed out on Saturday to drive 3 hours to Maine. We were going to pick up our two newest family members - two Alaskan Malamute puppies we have named Takaani and Kamik. Wha was I worried about? THE DRIVE. I hadn’t taken the kids on a drive that was over an hour and a half one way…well…ever! Like many parents, I shy away a bit from doing things that will thoroughly break up our routine, and I was worried about what would happen when we took our 7 year old and our 3 1/2 year old on a car ride. Turns out that it was a great family adventure for all. Here are a few tips for bringing your toddler on the road with you.

Pack a toy bag - when you’re going on a long trip with your toddler, let them pack a bag full of toys that they can enjoy in the car. Crayons, makers, and coloring books are always a plus, and stuffed animals can have tons of usage in a car, from being something to snuggle with to being makeshift puppets!

Lots of snacks - even if you plan on stopping to eat, make sure you put some snacks and some drinks in the car. You never know when a toddler, or any child, for that matter, will become hungry. Try to bring small snacks that do not cause too much of a mess or are easily cleanable, such as cracker, granola bars, and raisins. And water is always a good thing for a drink, as it will keep them hydrated and it is very easily cleanable.

Video games - our children each have their own Gameboy Advance, and the ONLY time they get to play it is in the vehicle if we have to go for a long car ride. It gives them something to enjoy and is the perfect way to make things quiet for awhile. If your toddler isn’t big enough for video games yet, think about investing in a portable DVD player for those trips that seem to be endless.

Play car games - we played some great car games this weekend, from the rhyming game (one person chooses a word and the other rhymes with it, then you make up a silly sentence), to spot the color. We even did a bit of eye-spy, but we had to choose things that were in the car because it was constantly moving.

Talk about the destination - we discussed the puppies when we were about an hour away. We talked about how puppies act, how they like to play, and how they eat. We told the kids that we would need their help to teach the puppies how to be good in our home, and how to get along with everyone else. By the time we got there, the kids realized that they puppies were theirs to help train. Play up the destination a bit, but only when you are in fairly close proximity with your destination.

Potty time - no joking…we stopped five times total to allow our daughter to go potty. Be prepared to make some stops, and if you see a rest area about an hour or so after you’ve stopped last, you may want to stop and just try to go potty. It also gives everyone a chance to stretch out and to walk around a bit. If you will be going on a long trip where you may not have access to a bathroom (especially if you have a girl), you might want to invest in a portable potty. Make sure you bring along some water and some baby wipes to clean it out a bit when your toddler is done.

Have fun - bringing a toddler on the road can be a bit stressful, but I’ve always found that if you relax and try to enjoy it, your toddler will relax and enjoy it as well! We talked about the trip as an “adventure”. When we got home they were both excited to go to school and preschool so that they could tell their friends about the huge adventure we had on Saturday.

The puppies, however, are another adventure entirely…

Oh no, not human baby - that phase is done. On Saturday the hubby and I will be going to Maine (about a six hour round trip) in order to pick up the newest babies to our home. Want to see? Meet our babies!

They don’t have names yet…we’re not quite sure WHAT to name them. They are husky/malamute mix and we are so looking forward to adding them to our family. But it brought a few things to mind: the last time I added a puppy to our home was five years ago, and Babygirl grew up with him, knowing how to treat him and to respect him simply because he was bigger than her for most of her life (he’s 65 lbs, so I guess, technically, he’s STILL bigger than her). So I’ve been thinking and doing some research on how to bring a puppy safely into a home with toddlers.

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I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s day and I have a little tip: take some time! Take some time together with you and your loved one, or with you and your friends, or JUST FOR YOU. If you can balance taking time for yourself, you will be a better parent. Sorry today is so short - I’m running around doing little Valentine’s day treats for the kiddos. I’m also working on a great article about how to bring a new puppy into a home with a toddler…trust me, it’s a good one!

This evening the hubby and I have to head to the tax mans in order to pay our dues to the federal government once again. The only problem is that we’re going to a new tax man because I have NO idea how to do my own taxes now that I’m a freelance writer. This means that the kiddos are not coming with us. So where are they going?

Yup, Grandma and Grampa’s house. I’m one of those parents who believes that it is vital that your child interacts with your close friends and family. I don’t, however, believe that it is a good thing for your parents to be parents to your children. After all, they have earned the right to have their own lives. I do think, though, that it is good for your toddler to spend some time with Grammy and Grampa now and again. Usually my mother sees the kids once every couple of weeks and every three or four months or so they spend a night. I’d like it to be more, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

Tonight, though, Grammy is taking them for supper! She loves to feed them, and so it works out perfectly. They get to have a mid-week (or almost mid-week) treat, and we get to know that they’re having fun and getting a bit spoiled with Gram and Grampa while we are getting our taxes done. And I may just slide over to the store while they’re busy and grab a few little Valentine’s treats…more on Valentine’s day tomorrow!

A little mid-week treat for all of us!

I have known many, many parents whose children stop napping when they are very young.

“Oh”, they say, “Jr. just didn’t want to nap anymore, so I figured that he didn’t need a nap anymore.”

Umm - no.

Children need much more sleep than adults do. Children who are between the ages of 2 and 5 need to have at least 12 hours of sleep. But like most parents, some kids need more sleep, but none should have less than 12 hours.

So what do you do if your child says that they don’t want to nap? Well, you make them. You can’t MAKE your child nap, but you can make sure that you are strict about their napping time. For instance, instead of just saying, “oh, Jr. doesn’t want to nap”, explain to your child why he has to nap. Tell him that even if he doesn’t sleep, he has to stay in bed. If he gets up, put him back in bed.

My daughter, Babygirl, will be 4 in a few months. When my son was her age, he still needed sleep for naptime. My daughter, however, has stopped napping. She now, however, has rest time. She gets to choose two or three books and a stuffed animal or two and takes them into my bed. I turn the television on low and - guess what? Half of the time, she sleeps!

Instead of just automatically saying that your child doesn’t need naps, re-evaluate the situation. How much sleep is he getting during bedtime? How often does he seem tired and irritable? I always say that you should fight only the battles that are important, and this is definitely one that is, as children who are extremely tired can have huge outbursts.

Sorry I wasn’t here for a few days! I took a little time off this weekend to enjoy the kids. It always amazes me how quickly we can forget to enjoy our kids! It gave me a good topic, though! The hubby and I realized the other day that there were tons of things that we haven’t exposed the kids to. Now we live in a very small area, but there are still things that we’ve avoided, such as the local museum. About a half an hour away from my home there is a museum. The main focus of the museum is on nature, so there are TONS of stuffed wild animals. It gives you a good idea of the kinds of animals you’d find right in our area, as well as the animals that exist around the world. We had avoided the museum for a long time - first because we forgot all about it, and then becuase we thought Babygirl would have a problem with the animals. Last weekend we chose to give it a shot.

Boy, was I wrong.

Babygirl LOVED the museum! She kept pointing at all the birds and she wasn’t even scared of the large animals, like the bears and the huge moose. She still says that the peacock is her favorite, and she was even able to connect the Peacock to the character in Barbie as the Island Princess. Toad, at seven, enjoyed it as well, and now, thanks to the upper level of the museum, he wants to own a sabre.

The lesson? Don’t avoid things in your area because you’re worried how your children will react. Also, don’t look for places that are made JUST for kids. This museum is NOT a children’s museum, but the kids loved it! We didn’t try the planatarium that was attached to the museum yet (it get really, REALLY dark in there and we didn’t want to press our luck), but it’s definitely on our list! So look around your local area - I’ll guarantee that there is something you haven’t tried yet that your kids will love!

There are three kinds of parents in regards to pacifiers:

1. Those that use them religiously.
2. Those that use them sparingly.
3. Those that refuse to use them (and then wind up using them and becoming a #1 type parent).

I was more like a #2 type parent. My children had a pacifier whenever they went to bed (including naps) and if something happened where they wound up being inconsolable. The older they got, the more we withheld the pacifier. It was only to be used for naps and bedtime and would be left in the crib (or bed) after they got up from their nap. When they got hurt or upset, we soothed them without it. For instance, if they had a scratch or a bump, we’d break out a cold washcloth or a cold pack. Before my children were 2, the pacifiers were gone.

I guess that’s why it bugs me a bit when I see people letting their four year olds walk around a store with pacifiers in their mouths. In reality, a pacifier isn’t necessary after a certain age. It actually can cause a lot of mouth problems and even problems swallowing. It’s not that difficult to get rid of hte pacifier, and, like many things with parenting, it seems like it will be a bigger ordeal than it really is. In order to get rid of the passy, start limiting it. Allow it only for nap times and bed times and let your little one know that the passy has to stay in the bed.

As for getting rid of it entirely, there are plenty of ways to do this. When my won was little I was a bit of a moron and left the safety scissors out one day when I went to take a shower. He walked into the bathroom with the passy clamped between the blades of the scissors. I used this golden opportunity and showed my son that the passy was broken. I had him throw it in the garbage and then quickly hid the other passys so that he wouldn’t see them. We had one difficult naptime and then that was it! When it came time to wean my daughter off of hers, I had been watching and had seen how Supernanny used the “passy-fairy” technique. We decided to do the same thing. Babygirl left her passy in a little bag on the bureau and when she woke up in the morning, a My Little Pony was in there! She felt great knowing that some other baby who needed the passy would get it, and we felt great because she got something in exchange for being a big girl.

I was ecstatic two weeks ago when I realized that Supernanny was once again on television! I found Supernanny Jo Frost a few years ago when she was an unknown nanny up against a couple of shows that were similar. I started watching and found myself enthralled. Here were these little, snot-nosed brats destroying their homes and hitting their parents and siblings and the parents just stood there and took it! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was an only child, and I never, EVER would have dreamed of hitting my mother. What kind of parents were these?

From what I’ve seen, most of the parents on Supernanny truly do care about their children, they just don’t know what to do. It’s like they expected each child to come with a detailed instruction manual. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. They give in to their children in order to stop the crying/fussing/hitting/tantrums, and then wind up regretting it later. If there’s one thing I know about kids, it’s that if you give them an inch when they’re whining, they’ll take a continent.

I have to admit that I’m a little in love with Jo Frost. All of her techniques are, in my opinion, common sense, but that’s what makes them so wonderful! They teach parents how to have bounderies without being mean and unreasonable, and to enjoy playing with your child as well. I remember one episode where she made the parents play with a bunch of toys while the kids watched with her from outside - the kids had never before seen their parents play.

Do I think that Supernanny is the answer to everyone’s prayers? Of course not! Unless, of course, you can have Jo in your home helping you out. What Jo provides is basic answers for the most frequent, and sometimes the most extreme, problems. Just like with Dr. Phil, it’s up to you to recognize if your child needs more discipline and structure, like the kind that Jo stresses. Here’s a tip: if your toddler is biting, kicking, hitting, pushing, destroying toys or other objects, refusing to go to bed, or throwing huge temper tantrums in the floor, you might want to think about getting one of Jo’s books or tuning into her program…

A good friend of mine recently e-mailed me and told me that she was expecting her second child. Her daughter is a little over 2 years old, and she’s in her first trimester. This means that her daughter will be almost 3 when her second child is born. Everyone wonders when it is the right time to have your second child. Should it be soon after the first one, so that they grow up around the same age, or should it be later? Toad and Babygirl are 3 1/2 years apart. I found, for me, that it was the prefect amount of time. He was old enough to understand that I needed to take care of the baby sometimes, and it was easier to get him involved and helping out. Now they love each other unconditionally - sure, they fight occasionally, but most of the time they play really great together, because it’s very clear who’s older and who’s younger.

So what is the right age to have your second child? Whatever seems right for you. I do think that at least two years is a good seperation, as then it’s a bit easier for everyone. When you have two children who are a year apart or less, you will spend a LOT of time and money on diapers and your stress level will be much higher. There are certainly some parents who are great at having children who are really close in age, but I think that the majority of people do better to have a break between baby #1 and baby #2.

I also think it’s better for the first born. It’s hard to have a new baby come into the house, and the older child is often easily forgotten about in the wake of the new cuddly, sweet-smelling baby. One good trick? Have your child go out and buy the baby a gift and have the baby buy your firstborn a gift as well. When Babygirl was born, Toad bought her a little puppy, and Babygirl “bought” him a bath toy that he’d been wanting. It started things off on the right foot and helped him to realize that she was going to be his baby as much as she was ours. He did a lot of running to get me a diaper and helping to hold the bottle when it was time to feed her.

So what do you think about how far apart children should be?

Time to talk about discipline. How do you discipline your toddler? Now a days, most people use the time out chair. I believe that the time out chair works, IF the parent is able to stick to it. So how does it work? Basically, you simply give a warning to your child. You explain, “this is your warning. If I have to speak with you again, you will be going in the time out chair.”

The next time they act up, you have to put them in the chair. Giving them another warning or ignoring what they’re doing will show them that they can do whatever they want because you’re not punishing them. Place them in the time out chair and explain that they will have to sit there for x number of minutes (one minute per age of child). Now, HERE’S where the tricky part comes in. No matter what your child does, even if they yell or bawl, DO NOT TALK TO THEM. You have to pretend that they’re not there. If they get out of the chair, don’t say anything, just snag them up and plunk them back down in the chair and stat the time over again.

WARNING: this may take a long time the first few times. You may find that they will spend 20 or 30 minutes in the chair due, mainly, to the fact that they won’t sit down. THIS IS OKAY. They didn’t learn how to sleep through the night in one evening, they’re not going to learn that you mean business in one day either. I guarantee, though, that if you stick with this, within a few days or a week your toddler will know that they need to listen to you or that there will be consequences.

Hi! My name is Randi and I’ll be your guide through the formative, yet crazy world that is Toddlerville! So, let’s see, what makes me qualified to run Parenting Toddlers? Well, I’m 28 and have two beautiful children (I count three children on the days that my husband’s being whiney). Toad is now 7 and Babygirl is 3. So, technically, I guess my daughter is on the outside edge of toddler-hood. I love talking about toddlers, however, and being a licensed foster parent means that I never know when I’ll have another one in my home.

We live in Vermont (read: Hickville), and my husband works in a furniture factory. I’m a stay-at-home-mom and full-time freelance writer. My mother works at a special school for children who have “issues” (both emotional and developmental), and I help them out by taking children who are considered to be OCS - I’m still not sure what the letters mean, but basically these are kids that have acted up and have to be out of the school for the day.

So what can you expect from this blog? While it’s under my reign, you can expect my thoughts on discipline, food (I have one of the fussiest kids…), naps, toys, and everything that has to do with raising a toddler and a family, because any toddler is highly impacted by the type of family life they have.

So welcome to Parenting Toddlers, and I hope that you’ll know if you have any questions that I’d love to answer them! Just leave a message in the comments…

Bryan brought up a great point that has been on my list to write about when he said, “I tried to balance his motor skills with whatever electronic game he might be playing. I really hope to be more determined about motor skill activities with our next little one.” Bryan, if you were aware enough to make the effort to balance your son’s game playing with other developmental skills, you were doing an excellent job of helping your son develop his fine motor skills. (more…)