Parenting Toddlers

For Christmas, we bought Peanut a LeapFrog Clickstart. Whenever I was doing work on the computer, she wanted to “work” too. (She espeically likes YouTube.) I thought a kid computer would be great - she’s a little young according to their age recommendation, but I thought she could struggle with it and learn better. Plus, it’d be around longer. Anyway, I decided on the Clickstart by LeapFrog. It’s a cute little computer. It plugs into your tv (buy an adapter too so you don’t have to use batteries). The keyboard is wireless, so you can sit with your toddler on the couch or the floor while she uses it.

The keyboard itself is really cute…looks like a dog and comes in green and pink. It comes with four games, two of which use the keyboard and two of which use the mouse. That’s my only problem with the computer. The mouse is really hard to use. I don’t mean only for two or three year olds…I had problems with it! The mouse pad is attached to the keyboard and is really small. Little hands that don’t have their coordination down have problems - the mousepad is smaller than a regular one you’d use on your own computer. It is hard to maneuver.

I thought the computer would sit and gather dust because both Peanut and I would get frustrated. She couldn’t handle the mouse well at all. But surprisingly, she kept at it. She sat in my lap at first. I put my hand on the mouse to control it and had her put hers on top of mine. This worked well. Now, a few months later, she can do the mouse games. It’s still tough for her and I wish the mouse pad was bigger, but she can play it on her own.

You can also buy other games to play on the Clickstart…Thomas the Train, Nemo, the Backyardigans, Dora, and others. I would love a Clifford or Curious George one - so hopefully, they’ll make more games.

You can buy Clickstart at Wal-Mart or other box stores or online. They’re easy to find and pretty affordable. They’re about $50, which is great if your toddler can use it for two or three years.
If your child is up for a challenge, I’d definately recommend this. At first, you’re going to have to spend a lot of time playing it with them…I had planned on turning it on for her and letting her play while I checked my email and things like that. That doesn’t really work. You need to be actively involved, especially until they get the mouse action down.

My daughter loves nothing better than sitting down in my lap and reading a book or eighteen. My son, however, did not like to read. He REFUSED to sit down and listen to a story, no matter what I tried! I figured that it was no big deal - that he would listen when he was ready, but when I discussed it with his pediatrician, she told me that I needed to do something immediately.

“Reading to him is extremely important - it doesn’t matter if he won’t sit down, just read! He can be climbing all around the bedroom, but you can sit in the middle and read, right? Or what about reading to him when he’s in the tub? He can’t go anywhere then!”

So I took her advice and started to read to him all of the time. I read to him when we were playing around in the living room - I even read to him when he was having a bath. Soon he began to actually like being read to, and before you knew it he was bringing me books! I still remember the first book he brought me…

I love this book - it has some big words to give your child a true learning experience, beautiful pictures, and a great opportunity to use fun voices.

Oh no, not human baby - that phase is done. On Saturday the hubby and I will be going to Maine (about a six hour round trip) in order to pick up the newest babies to our home. Want to see? Meet our babies!

They don’t have names yet…we’re not quite sure WHAT to name them. They are husky/malamute mix and we are so looking forward to adding them to our family. But it brought a few things to mind: the last time I added a puppy to our home was five years ago, and Babygirl grew up with him, knowing how to treat him and to respect him simply because he was bigger than her for most of her life (he’s 65 lbs, so I guess, technically, he’s STILL bigger than her). So I’ve been thinking and doing some research on how to bring a puppy safely into a home with toddlers.

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This evening the hubby and I have to head to the tax mans in order to pay our dues to the federal government once again. The only problem is that we’re going to a new tax man because I have NO idea how to do my own taxes now that I’m a freelance writer. This means that the kiddos are not coming with us. So where are they going?

Yup, Grandma and Grampa’s house. I’m one of those parents who believes that it is vital that your child interacts with your close friends and family. I don’t, however, believe that it is a good thing for your parents to be parents to your children. After all, they have earned the right to have their own lives. I do think, though, that it is good for your toddler to spend some time with Grammy and Grampa now and again. Usually my mother sees the kids once every couple of weeks and every three or four months or so they spend a night. I’d like it to be more, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

Tonight, though, Grammy is taking them for supper! She loves to feed them, and so it works out perfectly. They get to have a mid-week (or almost mid-week) treat, and we get to know that they’re having fun and getting a bit spoiled with Gram and Grampa while we are getting our taxes done. And I may just slide over to the store while they’re busy and grab a few little Valentine’s treats…more on Valentine’s day tomorrow!

A little mid-week treat for all of us!

I have known many, many parents whose children stop napping when they are very young.

“Oh”, they say, “Jr. just didn’t want to nap anymore, so I figured that he didn’t need a nap anymore.”

Umm - no.

Children need much more sleep than adults do. Children who are between the ages of 2 and 5 need to have at least 12 hours of sleep. But like most parents, some kids need more sleep, but none should have less than 12 hours.

So what do you do if your child says that they don’t want to nap? Well, you make them. You can’t MAKE your child nap, but you can make sure that you are strict about their napping time. For instance, instead of just saying, “oh, Jr. doesn’t want to nap”, explain to your child why he has to nap. Tell him that even if he doesn’t sleep, he has to stay in bed. If he gets up, put him back in bed.

My daughter, Babygirl, will be 4 in a few months. When my son was her age, he still needed sleep for naptime. My daughter, however, has stopped napping. She now, however, has rest time. She gets to choose two or three books and a stuffed animal or two and takes them into my bed. I turn the television on low and - guess what? Half of the time, she sleeps!

Instead of just automatically saying that your child doesn’t need naps, re-evaluate the situation. How much sleep is he getting during bedtime? How often does he seem tired and irritable? I always say that you should fight only the battles that are important, and this is definitely one that is, as children who are extremely tired can have huge outbursts.

There are three kinds of parents in regards to pacifiers:

1. Those that use them religiously.
2. Those that use them sparingly.
3. Those that refuse to use them (and then wind up using them and becoming a #1 type parent).

I was more like a #2 type parent. My children had a pacifier whenever they went to bed (including naps) and if something happened where they wound up being inconsolable. The older they got, the more we withheld the pacifier. It was only to be used for naps and bedtime and would be left in the crib (or bed) after they got up from their nap. When they got hurt or upset, we soothed them without it. For instance, if they had a scratch or a bump, we’d break out a cold washcloth or a cold pack. Before my children were 2, the pacifiers were gone.

I guess that’s why it bugs me a bit when I see people letting their four year olds walk around a store with pacifiers in their mouths. In reality, a pacifier isn’t necessary after a certain age. It actually can cause a lot of mouth problems and even problems swallowing. It’s not that difficult to get rid of hte pacifier, and, like many things with parenting, it seems like it will be a bigger ordeal than it really is. In order to get rid of the passy, start limiting it. Allow it only for nap times and bed times and let your little one know that the passy has to stay in the bed.

As for getting rid of it entirely, there are plenty of ways to do this. When my won was little I was a bit of a moron and left the safety scissors out one day when I went to take a shower. He walked into the bathroom with the passy clamped between the blades of the scissors. I used this golden opportunity and showed my son that the passy was broken. I had him throw it in the garbage and then quickly hid the other passys so that he wouldn’t see them. We had one difficult naptime and then that was it! When it came time to wean my daughter off of hers, I had been watching and had seen how Supernanny used the “passy-fairy” technique. We decided to do the same thing. Babygirl left her passy in a little bag on the bureau and when she woke up in the morning, a My Little Pony was in there! She felt great knowing that some other baby who needed the passy would get it, and we felt great because she got something in exchange for being a big girl.

I was ecstatic two weeks ago when I realized that Supernanny was once again on television! I found Supernanny Jo Frost a few years ago when she was an unknown nanny up against a couple of shows that were similar. I started watching and found myself enthralled. Here were these little, snot-nosed brats destroying their homes and hitting their parents and siblings and the parents just stood there and took it! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was an only child, and I never, EVER would have dreamed of hitting my mother. What kind of parents were these?

From what I’ve seen, most of the parents on Supernanny truly do care about their children, they just don’t know what to do. It’s like they expected each child to come with a detailed instruction manual. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. They give in to their children in order to stop the crying/fussing/hitting/tantrums, and then wind up regretting it later. If there’s one thing I know about kids, it’s that if you give them an inch when they’re whining, they’ll take a continent.

I have to admit that I’m a little in love with Jo Frost. All of her techniques are, in my opinion, common sense, but that’s what makes them so wonderful! They teach parents how to have bounderies without being mean and unreasonable, and to enjoy playing with your child as well. I remember one episode where she made the parents play with a bunch of toys while the kids watched with her from outside - the kids had never before seen their parents play.

Do I think that Supernanny is the answer to everyone’s prayers? Of course not! Unless, of course, you can have Jo in your home helping you out. What Jo provides is basic answers for the most frequent, and sometimes the most extreme, problems. Just like with Dr. Phil, it’s up to you to recognize if your child needs more discipline and structure, like the kind that Jo stresses. Here’s a tip: if your toddler is biting, kicking, hitting, pushing, destroying toys or other objects, refusing to go to bed, or throwing huge temper tantrums in the floor, you might want to think about getting one of Jo’s books or tuning into her program…

A good friend of mine recently e-mailed me and told me that she was expecting her second child. Her daughter is a little over 2 years old, and she’s in her first trimester. This means that her daughter will be almost 3 when her second child is born. Everyone wonders when it is the right time to have your second child. Should it be soon after the first one, so that they grow up around the same age, or should it be later? Toad and Babygirl are 3 1/2 years apart. I found, for me, that it was the prefect amount of time. He was old enough to understand that I needed to take care of the baby sometimes, and it was easier to get him involved and helping out. Now they love each other unconditionally - sure, they fight occasionally, but most of the time they play really great together, because it’s very clear who’s older and who’s younger.

So what is the right age to have your second child? Whatever seems right for you. I do think that at least two years is a good seperation, as then it’s a bit easier for everyone. When you have two children who are a year apart or less, you will spend a LOT of time and money on diapers and your stress level will be much higher. There are certainly some parents who are great at having children who are really close in age, but I think that the majority of people do better to have a break between baby #1 and baby #2.

I also think it’s better for the first born. It’s hard to have a new baby come into the house, and the older child is often easily forgotten about in the wake of the new cuddly, sweet-smelling baby. One good trick? Have your child go out and buy the baby a gift and have the baby buy your firstborn a gift as well. When Babygirl was born, Toad bought her a little puppy, and Babygirl “bought” him a bath toy that he’d been wanting. It started things off on the right foot and helped him to realize that she was going to be his baby as much as she was ours. He did a lot of running to get me a diaper and helping to hold the bottle when it was time to feed her.

So what do you think about how far apart children should be?

Time to talk about discipline. How do you discipline your toddler? Now a days, most people use the time out chair. I believe that the time out chair works, IF the parent is able to stick to it. So how does it work? Basically, you simply give a warning to your child. You explain, “this is your warning. If I have to speak with you again, you will be going in the time out chair.”

The next time they act up, you have to put them in the chair. Giving them another warning or ignoring what they’re doing will show them that they can do whatever they want because you’re not punishing them. Place them in the time out chair and explain that they will have to sit there for x number of minutes (one minute per age of child). Now, HERE’S where the tricky part comes in. No matter what your child does, even if they yell or bawl, DO NOT TALK TO THEM. You have to pretend that they’re not there. If they get out of the chair, don’t say anything, just snag them up and plunk them back down in the chair and stat the time over again.

WARNING: this may take a long time the first few times. You may find that they will spend 20 or 30 minutes in the chair due, mainly, to the fact that they won’t sit down. THIS IS OKAY. They didn’t learn how to sleep through the night in one evening, they’re not going to learn that you mean business in one day either. I guarantee, though, that if you stick with this, within a few days or a week your toddler will know that they need to listen to you or that there will be consequences.

When Zoey (9) was about 5 months old, I discovered Baby Signs by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn. I took their advice and began signing with Zoey, but I wanted to be sure she was learning American Sign Language (ASL) rather than made up signs.

Shortly after graduating from high school, I worked as a teacher’s aide for a group that taught swimming lessons to children with special needs. I learned that there are a variety of reasons a person may require sign language to communicate, and it is not always because they are deaf or hard of hearing. I wanted my child to be able to communicate with them and that could only happen if they spoke the same language. (more…)

Thus far in this series on toddler development, I have covered imaginative play, fine motor skills, and gross motor skills. Today is toddler language development.

The chasm is wide for typical or normal language development in toddlers. Each stage from 12 months to 23 months has its own set of milestones. The range of typical development becomes more restrictive at 24 months, but not by much if a toddler is developing well. It’s more to raise red flags for children at risk for language delays and disorders so they can receive the help they need at the early in their development. (more…)

If your toddler is beginning to walk, she is already working on her gross motor skills or large muscle movement. She may even be climbing and will soon add jumping and dancing to her repertoire. Before you know it, your toddler will be running through the house. Large motor skills are important for balance, endurance, strengthening muscles and bones, and helping your toddler be active and healthy. (more…)

Recently I had some interesting conversations with my older children’s Kindergarten teacher and with Drew’s preschool teacher. Both of them commented to me that they have a higher number of children in their classrooms who have little or no experience using scissors. Some are even unaware of what to do with Play-Doh. At first I was surprised, but then I realized that in this digital age, young children know more about Pokemon, video games and computers than they do about coloring, cutting and forming shapes in Play-Doh. (more…)

Toddlerhood is the time when imaginative play skills begin to emerge. Cars and trucks begin to travel toward a destination, possibly with noise accompaniment. Dolls are fed and put to bed. Toy phones and other objects are used to make phone calls. By 24 to 30 months old, your toddler will likely be using imaginative play, usually in multiple steps such as feeding a doll then putting it to bed or driving a car to it’s destination then parking it. (more…)

My third toddler moved from toddler to preschooler the day before yesterday. Drew is quite proud to tell everyone she is now 4 years old and she goes to preschool. She wants to do almost everything herself because, she says, “I a big girl now!” (more…)