Parenting Toddlers

Randi, who wrote this blog before me, has the two most well-behaved children in the history of the world.
My fiance had lunch with Randi, her husband, and her children at a busy restaurant. We had to wait awhile for the food, and my daughter would have required a LOT of distraction so she wouldn’t go nuts. These kids sat pleasantly and colored or talked. My favorite part: they started a mini-argument about who got to play a video game first when they got home. Randi and her husband stayed out of it, and the older child said, “Ok. You can play it first because I played it first yesterday.” I was amazed. I grew up with five siblings, and we probably would have been hitting each other at this point. The younger child said, “Thank you.” And that was that.
I don’t know what she does to them! When Peanut gets upset - really really upset - she immediately assumes the tantrum position. She arches her back and falls to the floor. Her face gets all red and she looks like a crazy woman. There’s no talking to her at this point. She doesn’t hear me - or doesn’t listen anyway.
I have to just ignore her until she winds down to whimpers. The funny thing is that it is hard to know what will set her off. Usually, she’s the most mellow kid ever. She picks up when I ask her to. She cleans up after herself when I tell her to. She goes to bed when I tell her to. She’s great. Then, I’ll ask her to pick her Cheerios off the floor and throw them away. She’ll just come apart. She can go for a LONG time too! So, what should I do in this situation? Here are some expert tips for dealing with a temper tantrum:

Ignore your child. This is really hard to do because tantrums get under your skin like nothing else. Just stay calm…yelling at your child will definately not help here, neither will spanking. It will make them cry harder, you’ll get madder, and nothing good happens.
Just sit there and go about your business. If you’re at home, go into another room. Tantrums are about attention. That’s why they’re so theatrical and dramatic. Don’t try to talk, soothe, discipline. Just stop and wait for it to end.

Be consistent. Sometimes tantrums occur in stores when your toddler wants a treat. If you give in sometimes but not others, you’re giving your child mixed messages. Make sure they know what to expect. Before you go into the store, say, “If you’re good, you can pick out a treat.” My daughter likes little 25 cent crackers. If she’s not good, she doesn’t get them. End of story. No exceptions. That way she knows she has to listen. If you don’t choose to get your child a snack (because they should behave without bribery or dinner is soon), make sure they know it before you go into the store. Be clear - they’ll usually listen if you tell them the reason simply and firmly.
Also, don’t take your child into the store when he’s tired or cranky or hungry if you can help it. This is great fodder for a tantrum.

Your toddler picks up on your moods. When you’re grouchy or impatient, they seem to take longer to do everything. Don’t snap at them. Make yourself calm down. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Let them take their time if you can.

Have a regular routine. This way your toddler knows what to expect.

Don’t give in during a tantrum…if you do, your child will know that it is a great way to get what she wants. That means even more lovely episodes in the future.

Send your child to his room. Close the door or put up a gate so they don’t get out. They’ll wind down without having an audience.

If your child is kicking and punching and thrashing around, restrain him gently so he doesn’t hurt himself. Also, if he is hitting you, DO NOT put up with it. Hold his arms, or better yet, put him in his room. Don’t let your child think it is ever ok to hit you.

Try to stop tantrums before they start. They usually occur when children are tired, hungry, or otherwise cranky. This doesn’t mean you have to give into all of your child’s demands when he’s tired or hungry. It means that you have to make sure to speak extra nicely and softly and reasonably. Remember, don’t give in once you’ve made your decision.

After you’ve dealt with the tantrum, hug and hold your child. This lets them know that even if you said no and they behaved badly, you still love them. This is so important for little kids to know. You can try talking about what is wrong but don’t push it. Be calm.

When Peanut has a tantrum, her father gets a little offended, like she’s doing it directly to piss him off. Remember that yes, of course they want to get to you. That’s why tantrums are so effective. They want to get their way. But you are an adult…deal with it. It is perfectly normal and it will pass. Your child loves you more than anyone in the world - she looks to you for guidance and acceptance. Let her know her behavior is wrong but you love her. Teach her how to calm herself down and to listen to you.