Parenting Toddlers

I’ve always liked rainy days - they’re perfect for lazing in bed, reading, and then falling back to sleep. Ahhh. Unfortunately, toddlers don’t enjoy that particular type of day yet. Good for them! They want to get out and play. Today, we woke up to rain. Our second day of it with a week more to come. Peanut asked if she could go to the playground and play. I said, “Look out the door, honey. It’s raining.” Her reply: “So?” Well, jeez, you could catch a cold. Your brother could catch a cold. My God, that’s all I need, the two of them sick. But then I thought, is that really true?

And it turns out it isn’t. There is no scientific evidence to show that playing out in the rain causes colds. So says the American Lung Association, CommonCold.org, and The National Institute of Health, among others. So Grandma was wrong on that one. So what’s the real reason we don’t let our kids play in the rain? Because we don’t want to get wet! We don’t want them tracking mud onto our floors. We don’t want them to get all dirty. We don’t want to be wet and uncomfortable while we watch them play.

But kids love rain. Peanut loves puddles. We took a walk the other day and there are abundant puddles because of the melting snow. She loves to splash in them, squish through them, throw rocks into them, ride her trike in them. She’s been bugging me for an hour to take her outside. So, ok, let’s go! Let’s go play in the rain. But to make it a little more fun for mom or dad and a little less messy, maybe we can invest in some fun rain gear. I don’t advocate getting cute but useless stuff for your children. They’ll wear it once and outgrow it. But I do think if you’re going to get raincoats and boots, you might as well get fun ones. They’re all over the place now, so cost isn’t astronomical. In fact, it may be the same or less to buy fun rainboots for your toddler than the plain old yellow ones. This will make them want to wear their boots while keeping their feet dry. And when you’re done, you just dump the water out of the boots put them by the door and they’re dry the next time you want to go out. A bit less messy.
Aren’t they cute? Why not have a bit of fun? Also, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the rain too. Get a cool umbrella, grab yourself some fun rainboots. I got some that manage to be both grownup and a bit playful. I wear them in the winter with socks, and they’ve come in handy chasing Peanut through puddles.

After a whole winter of weather that was too cold to take the baby out in, I should give them both the opportunity to play outside as much as possible. I have a friend who takes her daughter out so she’ll nap better. She calls them fresh air naps! Let kids be kids. So I’m going to get off my butt, turn off my computer, and go out in the rain.

I dislike birds immensely. I watched Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds, and since then, it’s all over. Even parrots - I can’t stand the thought of them flying around me, and my fiance’s grandparents have the loudest, oldest, crankiest parrot ever. But Willie the parrot sure came in handy for a Denver family. Willie’s owner, Megan Howard, was babysitting a toddler named Hannah. Megan left the room - as we all do - for just a second, and Hannah started to choke. Megan didn’t know anything was wrong until she heard good old Willie. He was yelling, “Mama, baby,” and flapping his wings like crazy. Megan ran in and found Hannah turning blue.
Every parent’s - and babysitter’s- nightmare. Luckily, Hannah was ok due to Willie’s prompt action.

Willie was honored at a breakfast with both the Colorado governor and the Denver mayor. Good thing they weren’t in Boulder. Monk parrots, like Willie, are illegal for Boulder residents to own as pets.

I had to take a CPR course in high school and also as a teacher. Now that I have children - especially a little one who loves to put anything into his mouth - I figured it’d be a great time to brush up on my heimlich for toddlers and infants. BabyCenter.com has a great step-by-step instruction guide. Please take a few minutes to refresh your knowledge. If you’ve never taken a CPR class, you can find them through your local hospitals. It is so useful to know, even if you have an incredible talking parrot like Willie.

The heimlich is not that hard to do, but in a panicky situation like the one Megan and Hannah were in, you need to be able to do it without thinking. Make sure you, your partner, and older family members know what to do if someone is choking. You can also talk to your kids about the universal signal for choking. It is putting both hands on the throat. If you do this, people recognize that you are choking. Try to teach this to your toddler. Likely, if they’re choking on something, they’re going to be freaking out. You need to be the calm one. If you’re calm, they’ll let you do the heimlich without struggling. You can then have your mental breakdown when you’re alone and your child is fine.

Vaccines have become quite a hot button issue of late. Jenny McCarthy swears they caused her son to develop Autism. Recently a couple was awarded compensation from the government, which has a program to compensate families who have suffered injury due to vaccines. This is the first case in which autism has been seen as an “injury.” Apparently the little girl had an “underlying illness that had predisposed her to symptoms of autism” which were “significantly aggravated” by the vaccines she’d received as a toddler.

The little girl was outgoing and precocious for the first 18 months of her life. Then, according to her parents, she received 9 routine vaccinations and her health markedly declined. She wouldn’t eat, respond to verbal stimuli and became prone to fever and severe temper tantrums. She began to stare at lights and fans and run in circles, all signs of autism. The government conceded and her family was awarded damages.

But in another case, a special court ruled that there was no link between vaccines and autism. Many parents, though, are choosing to forgo vaccinations. I remember when Peanut was a baby; I was terrified she’d be autistic. I read articles on it, about vaccinations. At the Little Guy’s last appointment, he had one oral vaccination and three injections. He had the same course at his previous appointment as well. It’s scary as a parent, but I have to think that NOT getting vaccinated is worse. We have managed to virtually eradicate many of the dangerous childhood illnesses that used to kill children. Measles, mumps, Rubella.
Dr. Ivy Chong, program director at the Scott Center for Autism Treatment at the Florida Institute of Technology, says that more than 130 cases of measles have been diagnosed in the US since the beginning of the year. In 91% of cases, the kids had not been vaccinated. 130 may not sound like a lot, but measles are highly contagious and can cause serious complications, especially in children under five.

Dr. Martin Myers, professor of both Pediatrics and Preventive Medicine & Community Health at the University of Texas Medical Branch and author of “Do Vaccines Cause This?” believes vaccines have been linked to autism because it begins to show up at the same time children are receiving the vaccinations. Autism isn’t diagnosed until after two, when many of the shots are given.

“We give a lot of vaccines to kids, and we give them when the kids are young, often at the same time that developmental problems an be detected,” he says. “It’s hard for a parent to understand that the association is just coincidental.”

And the CDC is urging that we vaccinate our children from yet another potentially fatal disease: meningitis. This year, five children have been taken ill in Minnesota- one fatally - with the germ that causes meningitis. This is very uncommon, as the last death due to this was in 1991. Apparently, there is a shortage of the vaccine. How is this possible? Merck is the only US manufacturer who makes the vaccine. Normally children are given the shots at 2, 4, and 6 months, with boosters at 12 and 15 months. Because of the shortage, health officials often push back the boosters to make sure the babies get the primary shots. I’m not sure there is a shortage in other states, and Merck is due to begin producing the vaccine again. Without it, over 20,000 children develop meningitis each year in the US. Of the five children in Minnesota who became ill, three had parents who refused to vaccinate against meningitis.

It’s hard to know what we’re really doing to our children when we pump shot after shot into them. It kills me when I see it done to the Little Guy and Peanut. But I feel like I have to make that hard decision to keep them from getting sick from diseases that we think are gone from the US. They’re not gone, they’re not cured - they are prevented by vaccines. In 1983, kids birth through age six were given 23 doses of seven vaccines. Today, they are given 48 doses of 12 vaccines, not including the flu shot.

Are there any anti-vaccine parents out there? How did you come to make the choice you did? Do you feel you’re doing what’s best for your children and the children in your community?

Here’s a chart of the vaccines that the CDC recommends that children receive:

That came out a bit small to read. To see a full size one, click here.

I saw an interesting article this morning from Yahoo News, entitled “Amid a New Baby Boom, a Jump in Adult Unwed Mothers.” This caught my attention because I am not married. I don’t pretend to be a “single” mother though because I get a tremendous amount of support from my partner. You know when people have done all the work done for their PhD except their dissertation - they call that ABD (all but dissertation)? That’s sort of like our situation. We’re all but married. Anyway, in the article, it said that forty percent of babies being born now were born to unwed mothers. Births are going up across all age brackets, including teens. Between 1991 and 2005, the birthrate among teens dropped 45%. But it’s creeping back up again. The part that interested me was when they spoke about unmarried women in their twenties, which I will be for several more months. Here’s an excerpt:

“We’re learning that a lot of young adults don’t know as much about the basic facts and the birds and the bees as most of us think they do,” says Sarah Brown, CEO of the newly named National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. “If you’re 24, the last time you had sex ed was probably in the 10th grade. You wouldn’t have been taught about some of the newer methods of birth control like the ring or IUDs. There’s a large amount of simple misinformation or ignorance.”

There’s also the problem of what Brown calls “magical thinking” among men and women in their twenties. “Many of them have had some unprotected sex and haven’t gotten pregnant,” she explains. “The longer they go without a pregnancy, the more tempting it is to think that it can’t happen to them.” Women are also vulnerable to the misconception that a pregnancy - even unintended - can cement a relationship and bring a couple closer together. In fact, all of the statistics show that babies stress relationships; more couples end up splitting (see: Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston) than marrying (see: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz).

My first thought upon reading this was, “Oh my Lord.” I was 25 when I got pregnant with Peanut. At that point, I had finished college and started a successful career as a teacher. I knew damn well that if I had sex, pregnancy was a risk. What are they talking about? Every woman in her twenties knows this - and to say that they don’t know about IUCs or other “new fangled” methods of birth control is ridiculous. You talk to your girlfriends, you talk to your doctor, you see the ads for these things on TV, you wonder if there’s anything other than the Pill and you look online. I found it a bit insulting that the article seemed to say women got pregnant out of ignorance.

I may be a bit oversensitive - I’m sure there are twenty-somethings that don’t know you can get pregnant by having sex or that don’t know there is such a thing as an IUC - but the article takes a moralistic tone that I find offensive. They’re assuming the increase in unwed mothers having babies is bad, that it would be a much better world if these mothers were married. First, are they considering the huge number of people like myself who choose to forgo marriage? I know tons of people who are raising their children together while not being married. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so. What is bad is parents not caring for their children or parents screaming and arguing. And you know what? This can just as easily happen with parents who are married. There is no guarantee that married couples will provide a better home or that unmarried parents will not do as great a job. It’s so judgmental, in my opinion.

The other day, one of my old friends from high school announced on Facebook that she had legally changed her last name so it was the same as her partner’s. They have three children together. The response was immediate. My favorite response was that unless you were married, your partner could just up and leave anytime. Marriage made it necessary that they think before they react.

This seems to be the favorite argument for people who want unwed people to get married - that your partner can leave you at any time, that a marriage license sort of binds them to you. Well, sure. I’ve been told that, but I think that our two children, intertwined finances, and co-owned property do a good job of this. It would not be simple for me to extricate myself from my partner, nor him from me. Always, though, people are concerned with the man leaving the woman. And if that is true anyway, why do half of marriages end in divorce? Marriage is not a guarantee for forever for many people. All this talk of marriage actually makes me want to get married even less.

So what do you think, both married and unmarried parents?

When you are a parent, sleep is essential. We all need a good night’s rest so we can function optimally and cut down on tantrums (I’ve been known to throw a tantrum when tired!). My good friend’s daughter-in law believes firmly in co-sleeping, also called sleep sharing. She and her husband have a family bed, in which their two sons sleep as well. I asked if she was able to sleep well, and she said she couldn’t sleep without them. I’m the opposite! I can’t sleep with my children. Peanut is a bit better. When I was pregnant with the Little Guy, she’d camp out in my bed when her father was working overnight. She is a big bed hog. It’s weird how a three foot tall person can take up the whole bed. Anyway, I am a tosser and it’s hard to do with a child. Anyway, to each his own. Lots of people love co-sleeping. If you’re one of them, here are some tips to make it safe and enjoyable for everyone.

When Peanut was a baby, my friend gave me a co-sleeper for her. It is essentially a little box/bed that you put in your own bed for infants. This provides them with their own space while keeping them close. It’s handy for breastfeeding too because you just have to reach over and pick them up. My friend’s son loved this and they were both sad when he outgrew it. This is a safe way to co-sleep if you are a tosser and a turner like me. Another safe way to co-sleep is to place a bassinet or crib very close to the bed, as shown in the picture. This worked well for me with both of my children. The Little Guy is still in a crib by our bed. I like knowing that he’s near, and I can wake up and hear him breathing. It also works well for me because, as I may have mentioned, I’m toss and turn!

A huge concern with co-sleeping is safety. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission and the American Academy of Pediatrics says no, it is not safe when babies sleep in adult beds. There is a risk of suffocation and strangulation. According to the CPSC, 515 infant and toddler deaths (under two years) were linked to co-sleeping from 1990 to 1997. 121 of the deaths were caused when a parent or sibling rolled on top of a sleeping baby. Three-quarters of the deaths were infants under three months old. This is so sad - I don’t let myself really fall asleep with the baby in the bed. At most, I doze, so co-sleeping wouldn’t work for me. If you are committed to the benefits it can provide though - such as facilitating breastfeeding, shortening waking periods, and helping create bonds, especially when the parent is away during the day - you can take steps to make it safer. The co-sleeper and placing a bassinet by the bed are two options. Here are some other things you can do (from KidsHealth.org):

*Place your baby on his back. (I have two friends whose children had medical issues that necessitated them sleeping on their back. If there is no medical issue, however, always go back to sleep.

*Be careful about blankets. Babies heads should always be uncovered. So be careful when you pull up the blankets.

*Look at your bed frame. Are there gaps or openings that your child’s head could get stuck in? Could your baby get trapped between the frame and the mattress? Consider placing the mattress directly on the floor?

*Don’t leave your baby unattended in the bed.

*Don’t use big fluffy pillows, quilts, or comforters. Don’t have any stuffed animals on the bed.

*Don’t take medicine or drink. These things can prevent you from waking up or cause you to roll over onto the baby. If you’re sick and need some TheraFlu, put the baby in another bed or crib. Or sleep on the couch and let your partner handle the baby.

If you’re considering co-sleeping, check out this link on Dr. Sears’s website. Dr. Sears and his wife have eight children and write a host of books to help parents. Their approach is holistic, taking into account what is best for the whole family. Co-sleeping can be a wonderful thing for your family, if you take care to make it as safe as you can.

Are there any co-sleepers out there? Any tips for others who want to try? If you have co-slept with your toddler since he was a baby, how long do you plan on continuing? Or how have you transitioned him to a big boy (or girl!) bed?

It’s spring - sort of! In our neck of the woods, spring means it’s slightly above freezing and you can see patches of grass on your lawn. It’s very exciting, and people get out their t-shirts and sandals. Anyway, spring means walking. This is something that keeps me sane, and better still, keeps my children quiet. Peanut loves to walk. I give her a snack in the handy snack tray of our stroller, maybe a drink, and we’re good to go. The Little Guy feels the fresh air on his face and immediately goes into a baby coma. The thing is: I would love to go for a walk with both of them. Now we have a single stroller. My father got it at a yard sale for me when I was pregnant with Peanut for like $10, and it is the best. It fits my height perfectly (which I think means I’m the average mom height), it has two cup holders in the front that I put my water bottle in and my keys. It has a little basket for little things or even some groceries. It’s perfect. But it won’t hold both of them. And the Little Guy is far too large for me to carry in a carrier on my chest or back.

So…I’m imposing on you for suggestions. If anyone out there has a toddler and a younger child, do you have any double stroller suggestions? There are millions out there, I know. I’d like to spend under $200. Don’t laugh! There are plenty out there in that range. I’d like one with a pretty high weight capacity because Peanut is getting big and her brother is a big guy. If anyone has a double stroller they use and love, let me know! It’s useful info for other parents, I’m sure. I like to take walks, too, because I feel like it’s a good example to set for Peanut. And because instead of driving to the store, post office, or library, we can walk. And that, too, is a good example. Thanks! I really appreciate it.

I used to sit behind a woman in my English Novel class who had a tattoo on her neck. Since I sat behind, I don’t think it counted as staring if I looked at it. Anyway, it was of Max from Where the Wild Things Are. I love Where the Wild Thing Are, because at heart I am a wild thing. Not many people know this about me, but when I was a kid, I was definitely a master of the wild rumpus. And if I had a theme for my kids’ rooms, it’d be WTWTA. But I’m not really theme people. For all of us fans, there is going to be a WTWTA movie! I might have to use Peanut as my excuse to go see that one.

The movie poster is out, but we won’t get to see the trailer until March 27, when it airs as a preview before Monsters vs. Aliens. Spike Jonze - who has directed music videos, commercials, TV, and movies, most notably Being John Malkovich and Adaptation is going to turn this beloved (and short) kid’s classic into a feature length movie. I wonder what they’ll add to it to flesh it out. I hope they don’t mess up my favorite book!

Are you going to see the film adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are? It may be a bit scary for the toddler set. These monsters are big. And you might not want your child getting ideas from naughty Max. We can’t see the preview yet, but we can see the poster. Here it is:

“There’s one in all of us.” But as parents of toddlers, we already know that.

Don’t you hate when parents make lame excuses for their children - my favorite was when I was a teacher and had students who would talk, talk, talk, during class, do no work in class, and do no homework. Their parents inevitably said, “They’re just bored. They’re not being challenged enough.” Umm hmmm…I had maybe one student that was true for, so we worked out more challenging assignments. I digress though. Back to excuses: Peanut cannot share. She is bossy. She doesn’t play well with others unless she is telling them what to do.

Yesterday and today, we are watching my partner’s brother’s girlfriend’s niece - who I would love to adopt as my very own niece. She’s great. But she highlights Peanut’s deficiencies in sharing. K is the youngest of three children and goes to daycare so she has to share and play well. Anyway, the first thing that popped into my mind when Peanut was acting like a spoiled brat yesterday was, “Well, she’s naturally a leader. She uses her intelligence to direct the play.” As they say on Facebook, WTF?? No, she’s spoiled! Enough excuses. She needs to learn to share.

Today, though, she is doing much better. We gave her timeouts yesterday when she couldn’t share. It’s two, and we’ve only had one incident concerning Mr. Potato Head. And Peanut peed on K’s bed during naptime. Other than that, smooth sailing.

If there’s one thing parents of toddlers want to talk about, it’s the potty. I know this was an all-consuming topic for us a while ago, and we still have accidents and mishaps today. On a post from last year, I received the following comment:

my daughter is a little over 2 and was going to the potty for a few months and doing great with going “#1″, but now she won’t go at all. When we are at home, I put her in undies, not diapers, and I ask her every 30 minutes if she needs to go potty, and she says “no”, then she will hide and wet herself. I have not figured out what to do yet.

My first thought was that at just over two, it is not uncommon at all for setbacks to occur. Peanut was closer to three when she was fully potty trained. During the year she was three, we went one step forward and two steps back. My next thought was that this mom was doing a really good thing by putting her daughter in undies instead of a diaper at home. When they feel wet, they’re more likely to go to the potty because it’s uncomfortable.

This mom asks her daughter is she has to go to the bathroom. “No.” This has happened to me in the past. I learned that before bed I need to make Peanut go to the bathroom. I couldn’t ask - I had to make her go. And more often than not, she needed to even if she said no. So I would suggest having a schedule - every hour maybe have your daughter go whether she says she has to or not. Scheduled bathroom breaks work well for a lot of kids. I think you have to take a lot of the option away. Even now, Peanut will sometimes choose to play instead of going to the potty. I can recognize her “pee pee dance” though and make her go. Don’t ask - TELL!! Maybe try to spot signs that she has to go before she hides and then have her on a schedule. Other parents: is once an hour good? Every hour on the hour?

The other part is the hiding. I asked my fiance what he thought if Peanut did this. He said that first he’d discipline her. We give timeouts. Then he’d make her go sit on the potty. The timeout first so she has to sit in wet underwear - again, this is uncomfortable and hopefully will help her learn that it is not ok to do.
Any other suggestions from potty training veterans?

There is a whole website (and probably a lot of them) devoted to nothing but potty training. I’m going to need this with the Little Guy because boys are foreign to me. I grew up with a bunch of sisters and, of course, potty trained Peanut. Anyway, here is a link for that site. They have some useful information. Good luck! And please, if you have some expertise to share, we’d love it.

This is not meant to alarm anyone, but Randi shared this with me, and I thought I’d share it with you all. We have all probably used Johnson & Johnson for our children. I know that tear-free shampooing was a must in our house. That’s why I love Johnson & Johnson. Anyway, according to an article in the Washington Post, there may be harmful chemicals in some of these baby products. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

More than half the baby shampoo, lotion and other infant care products analyzed by a health advocacy group were found to contain trace amounts of two chemicals that are believed to cause cancer.

Mind you, it says trace amounts. That are believed to cause cancer. Not conclusive, but scary nonetheless.

Some of the biggest names on the market, including Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo and Baby Magic lotion, tested positive for 1,4-dioxane or formaldehyde, or both, the nonprofit Campaign for Safe Cosmetics reported.

These things are not intentionally added - they’re byproducts of the manufacturing process.

“Our intention is not to alarm parents, but to inform parents that products that claim to be gentle and pure are contaminated with carcinogens, which is completely unnecessary,” said Stacy Malkan, a spokeswoman for the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.

Johnson & Johnson responded by saying that the FDA and other governmental agencies considers the amounts in the baby products to be safe. Others are worried about the cumulative effects of these carcinogens. There is a little of it in a lot of products, and if we use them throughout our lives, what can it do to us? That is the point of watch groups, like the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.

I thought I’d share this because some of you may choose to switch to different products; it should be your choice, and you should be informed. If you used J&J baby shampoo for your children, I wouldn’t freak out about it. I did with Peanut, and the probably she was exposed to very little harmful chemicals. But I think I’m going to be much more wary with what I use for the Little Guy now. Being a parent is tough, and it helps to be fully informed. So thanks, Randi, for bringing this to my attention.

Here is the link for the Washington Post article . And here is a link for the report from the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, which conducted the product testing.

I just watched Super Nanny and got an idea for this quick quiz. What would you do?

I feel like stapling Peanut to the Naughty Chair at times. This little girl is getting on my last nerve lately. I realize part of it is me - I am cranky. I haven’t slept through the night in…well, she’s three and a half, so about four years, it’s winter and I have cabin fever, and I think I’m just naturally cranky. Anyway, I wrote the other day about how she is testing her boundaries. And to update you: she is still testing her boundaries. I do like spunky children and I don’t want a mindlessly obedient child. Well, maybe I do! No, I like that she has her own mind, but she needs to realize that until she gets a job and kicks into the rent, she has to do what I say when I ask her. I can be polite, but it needs to get done. Tough talk, but the little bugger is getting to me!

So out comes the Naughty Chair. I’ve seen this on Super Nanny and it seems to work quite well. It’s similar to timeout or a Naughty Step or whatever you want to call it. The point is that when your child misbehaves, this is the consequence. Nanny Jo, who I would love to have pay a visit, instructs the parents to keep putting them there until they stay for the allotted time. If they get up, you don’t talk. You just put them back. And back and back. I’ve watched parents do it for forty-five minutes to over an hour. My God. But the kid finally got it. You have to keep at it. I’m sure many of you use timeouts, and we do as well. But I thought I’d get into some tips to make it effective for discipline. Nothing’s worse than your toddler making a joke out of your attempts at discipline.

First, timeouts aren’t punishments. You do this when they engage in a behavior you don’t want repeated not to punish them but to give them time to calm down. If you yell, you are actually reinforcing the behavior. It’s negative but it’s still attention. Timeouts are about your toddler being alone and having time to calm down.

Next, make sure they’re age appropriate. I can’t send Peanut to her room for three hours. She won’t understand why. Experts say that timeouts work well starting between the second and third birthdays. The Little Guy loves to grab my computer cord - I can’t punish (oops, I mean discipline) him though. Your toddler has to understand cause and effect, and this takes a while to form. So make sure your toddler understands the concept before you start timeouts. A good way to know is if you do something that is against the rules - say you throw a towel on the floor. Your child will point it out to you. Instead of being annoyed at the little tattletale, take this as a sign that he’s ready for timeouts! Peanut loves to tattle on her father or me to the other. She’s very ready for timeouts. For toddlers under three, a thirty second timeout is recommended. Anymore than that and they won’t focus on calming down. They’ll get wound right back up. Or forget what they did. That defeats the entire purpose. Though I have forgotten to tell Peanut that she could get up from timeout before. After age three, they get one minute for each year.

For younger toddlers, you don’t have to specify a Naughty Chair or Corner. If your toddler is engaging in unsafe or out of control behavior, have them sit down where they are. Stop and sit. We do this with Peanut. We also take away toys and tv, snacks, and even Bo. No Bo during timeout. Slowly introduce the concept of timeouts. For very young toddlers, instead of traditional solitary timeouts, do one together. If they start getting wild, simply take them to a quiet corner and read a book or just sit together. This works to redirect their behavior before they’re old enough to really get the concept of timeout.

As always, the important thing is to be consistent. If jumping on the couch is cause for a timeout, it needs to be cause for timeout every time. If it’s ok sometimes and not others, then it’s going to be very difficult to discipline your child, and rightly so. Toddlers need clear guidelines. What if at work, sometimes you were allowed to wear jeans and flip flops instead of suits? Fine, but what if you never knew which day it was allowed? You’re fine some days but not others. If that would be confusing to you, imagine what it’s like for a toddler.

Another very important thing to remember is not to discipline out of anger. This is just punishment and it doesn’t work in my opinion. When you are angry, you essentially take it out on the child. I know Peanut sometimes infuriates me. But when I discipline her, I can’t let it show. I have to be calm and take action that will help her learn the rules. It is the same way with my old students. If someone called me a &#&#*($ for instance, it doesn’t pay to get mad. Why? Because they’ll do it again to get a reaction. And again. And again. So, you have to be calm and clear. Discipline, do not punish.

Don’t argue with a toddler. It’s a losing battle. I know this - and yet I do it. Lately, Peanut has been testing our authority, which is perfectly normal. I like a girl with a bit of spunk. But it can be annoying when she won’t listen until I raise my voice. Not good, and as a former high school teacher, I know that when you have to raise your voice, you’re already on your way to losing the battle. So last night, I cleaned the carpet downstairs and took the kids upstairs to watch a movie so they wouldn’t be overcome with fumes. Why I chose to clean the carpet at night, I have no idea. Anyway, I set up the laptop on my bed and let Peanut sit and watch Underdog. Her new favorite. Anyway, the Little Guy and I were sitting and playing, and Peanut starts to jump on the bed. I don’t have a problem with that BUT my computer was sitting right there. Good Lord, she could have fallen off the bed…and hurt my laptop.

So I said, “No jumping while the computer is there.” Once, twice, maybe three times. Then I had to raise my voice. And put her in time out. Then I decided to have a chat with her about her habit of not listening until she got in trouble. If you don’t listen the first time, you go in time out. If you don’t listen again, you’re going in your room (for Peanut, this is a horrible punishment because she loves to be with people…I’d love to be sent to my room). If you continue to disobey or not listen, then I’m going to take Bo away. Uh oh. You know what the little #@$* darling said? “What happens if that doesn’t work?”

Are you kidding me? Then I thought, what does happen if that doesn’t work? So I pulled out the big guns. If you do not listen, then I will have to say “No Grandma Day.” This seemed to get her attention. I’m going to have to start enforcing that - though it’s kind of a punishment for me too. She’s just getting a bit too princess-y for my liking.

Peanut has usually been pretty easy to discipline, and it’s only lately that she’s going through this testing phase. Again, it is normal for toddlers to do this, to push until they reach a limit. That’s why it’s important to have limits. You have to pick your battles. Am I going to chose to battle Peanut over jumping on the bed? No, usually not. She’s safe. Am I going to battle her when she is jumping on the bed with my computer? Yes, absolutely. Why? Obviously she’s more important than my computer, but it is expensive, and if I have to replace it, guess who is not getting a toy for a very long time?

You always have to discipline your toddler when they are engaging in unsafe behavior. Peanut kicked our glass door the other day with some pretty good force. Now I don’t think she’s strong enough to break a glass door, but who knows. Can you imagine a toddler’s foot going through a pane of glass? What a nightmare. And anything involving activity that could harm her brother is instant timeout.

When you are a parent, you have ten million jobs, but discipline is one of the most important. It takes a lot of work, but I think it also saves you a lot of work. For instance, I ran into an old friend whom I haven’t seen in years. She has a daughter the same age as Peanut (yes, you know I compared them in my head). Her daughter has some hearing issues, but she said, she can hear most things with her hearing aids. High pitched sounds, like fire alarms, she can’t hear. Everything else, including voice, she can. And yet, her mother excused behavior because of the hearing problems. She is “hyper” and apparently goes through babysitters like crazy. Her own family doesn’t even like to take her for a few hours.

So what this says to me, without judging because I’m not in their shoes, is that this well-meaning mom excused behavior and now has made a ton more work for herself. She can’t go have a day by herself because no one will watch her daughter - she’s too unruly. I know you have to make allowances for special needs, but there are still things you can do to make sure your child is safe, happy, and well behaved. Not all the time, maybe, but most of the time.

There are tons of sites with parenting advice regarding discipline. You can search according to your specific issue. Like, for instance, Peanut has taken to getting up several times from bed to ask us questions. The other night, she got up five or six times and came into our room. “I have a question. How does a duck learn to fly?” GO TO BED! I had to give her credit though when she came in and said she needed new pants. “Why? Did you have an accident?” I asked. “No,” she said. “These pants aren’t dreamy enough.” So I need to do some work into figuring out why her little butt can’t stay in bed. The time change could be a factor. Also - don’t laugh at me - I can’t sleep during full moons. My mother can’t sleep during full moons. And apparently my daughter is part werewolf too. But I think the biggest thing is that she is not getting enough attention. This is a good post for another day, but if that is the problem, then I can look for some tips online.

The best piece of advice I’ve ever heard, and which Randi reminded me of the other day, is that you have to talk to kids as if you’re not even considering the possibility that they could disobey. You tell them to do something, for instance, and don’t let on that “no” could be an answer. This really works. I did it all the time teaching, and if it works for a 5′4″ woman to tell 6′4″ boys, it will work with toddlers. If your tone conveys authority, your child will perceive it as fact. They must do it. Simple, and yet effective. Work on your tone, and you’ll see how well it works. Chances are you already do it too. Kids know when they hear Mom’s (or Dad’s) no nonsense voice.

The other important part of discipline is follow through. If I say “If you do that again, you’re going to your room,” I better send her to her room if she does it again. If you do not, then your child WILL do it again and again and again. How many parents have you seen do the same thing in stores: If you run off again, we’re going home.” And again and again. You have to follow up and let the child see the consequence. I found myself doing this last night. “If you don’t eat your dinner, you’re not watching a movie.” I must have said that a few times before I realized that I was being ridiculous. So, I started over. I can do that, you know. “I’m telling you. Last chance.” And that was it. She ate.

You won’t always be perfect with discipline, but it is something you can practice. And make mistakes and practice some more. For some excellent advice, check out Dr. Sears. He’s my favorite! The main things are to pick your battles, be consistent, follow through, and keep at it.

No, that wasn’t a trick question. I meant, where’s your toddler in regards to development? I always think Peanut is a genius. This is mostly because I feel like she has superb verbal skills - this is proud mom speak for “She talks A LOT.” When we went for her third year checkup, the doctor commented a few times about how conversant she was. That’s doctor speak for “She talks A LOT.” Anyway, in some other areas, I wonder if she’s on par with other three year olds. I think this is normal for parents to wonder, and if you want to see if it’s normal that your two year old is putting together two and three word sentences or drawing circles, then BabyCenter.com has a toddler section that gives a rundown of each month so you can chart your child’s progress.

I think this can be useful. For instance, I have a feeling that Peanut may be a little lacking in social graces. She stays with me throughout the day and doesn’t have the exposure to other kids that comes through daycare. So that may be one area we need to focus on and make sure she gets exposed to. It’s not, however, a good idea, to compare your kids to others. Well, Peanut is three and a half and can’t read?!?! What? Those prodigy genius kids can read whole novels by that age. It goes the other way too. The Little Guy can sit up on his own. A month before “average.” It’s clear to me that this means he’s physically superior to all babies ever. Parents are kind of crazy, so it’s really easy for us to play the “My Kid’s Way Better Than Your Kid” game. And when our kid is not, in fact, better, then we make up excuses as to why not.

I’m going to gracefully segue into a post about comparing our children. I do this in my head all the time. My partner’s brother’s girlfriend’s niece (henceforth known as K, so I don’t have to keep typing that) is the same age as Peanut. In fact, she is a week older. Anyway, throughout their childhood so far, I kind of compare them. Peanut talked first and walked first. She was potty trained first. Ha ha, I win!! YES!! But we went out to eat last weekend, and the hostess at the restaurant was going on and on about how cute K was. Please…sure if you like “cute.” Peanut is clearly way beyond cute. It’s like comparing a nice, pretty model in a Sears catalog with a supermodel in Vogue. See how sick I am? Some lady, who actually knew this girl’s aunt, commented on how cute she is. And I take offense? Sick, sick, sick. I can see myself morphing into one of those pageant moms.

This makes me wonder why it’s so bad to be average. If I said, “My kids are average,” I think people would look at me funny, like I didn’t love them as much as I should. Sure, I think they are extraordinary. I think Peanut is a genius and the Little Guy is a powerhouse of strength. But it could be they’re just average, normal, everyday kids.

What do you think? Are your kids the most stellar examples of toddler that could possibly be? Or are they average? Is “average” a four letter word in regards to your kid?

Yesterday I went to lunch with Peanut and reminded myself to write a post about table manners. Peanut is a sweet girl, but sometimes her public manners need a little work. She tends to stand up on the chairs or wiggle around a lot when she eats. She has so much energy that it’s hard for her to sit still long enough to eat - is that a great excuse or what? I’m sure millions of moms say the same thing, but it’s not going to a good enough excuse when she’s in school and can’t sit down and listen to the teacher. So, first step sitting down at the table. We’ll worry about school later!

The thing that is important to me to emphasize is that meal times are about the whole family…it’s not the Peanut Show every minute of every day. We’re pretty kid-centric here but enough is enough. So when Peanut is jumping up and singing “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid at the top of her lungs, it is keeping her father and I, and everyone else if we are out at a restaurant, from enjoying their dinner.

Another thing is to focus on acceptable behavior and model it. Say Please and Thank You and give your child praise when he follows the rules. Don’t overpraise though. A simple smile and nod is more than adequate. First because you don’t want to make the focus all about them, and second, this is something they should be doing. You may have to cue them to say Please and Thank You but eventually they’ll get it.

FamilyFun.com has an article on table manners and includes a list of “Nevers.” Here’s the list:
Never…
* Begin eating until everyone has been served.
* Lick the knife! Sharp objects should never be put in the mouth, not to mention that Band-Aids don’t do well on the tongue.
* Lean back on a chair’s hind legs.
* Speak with food in his mouth.
* Chew with her mouth open. In addition, don’t chew noisily.
* Put more in his mouth than he can chew. Small bites should be encouraged. In addition, food should never be shoveled.
* Interrupt others when they are talking.
* Point utensils at others.
* Leave the chair out when he gets up. It should always be pushed in when he steps away from the table.
* Take the last bit of food without first offering it to others at the table.
* Talk about gross or gossipy subjects.
* Get up until everyone else is finished eating.
* Put elbows on the table. After all, Mae West once said, “Keep all uncooked joints off the table.”

Safety things are a must - like licking the knife. That’s a nightmare in the making. Other things like not eating until everyone is served or remembering to push in the chair when you’re done are nice to know, but I think we prioritize our list. If Peanut digs into her food before me, fine. She can refine her social graces as she gets older. For toddlers, I think it’s more important that they don’t yell, scream, or bug other people. Peanut also likes to look at other people’s food (strangers, that is) and comment. Rude! So, before we learn which fork is the salad fork and which is the entree fork, we should learn more basic things. The rest will come later. And again, teaching these things to your child is a lot about modeling the behavior. Peanut sees her grandmother put a napkin on her lap when she eats, so Peanut does it sometimes too.

And if they engage in behavior that is inappropriate or downright embarrassing? I have to tell you something: it’s kind of gross. Peanut, lately, has been saying, “Do you wanna hear something?” She’ll then turn her little rear towards you and fart. Yes, she’s a ten year old boy stuck in a three year old girl’s body. You’d never believe this adorable little girl is so foul. So when she did that yesterday at lunch, that was my 450th sign that we needed to work on table manners. I ignored her. When I do this, she’ll usually say “Excuse me,” and move on. Other little tricks: some toddlers spit out their food. Can you believe it? If your little darling does this, try wiping his face every time he spits. Little kids do not like that! They’ll stop spitting soon. Or if they’re using their utensils inappropriately, take them away for a while as warning #1. They don’t get warning #2 - you just take them away for good.

Dr. Sears, who is my favorite parenting expert, has some great advice for toddlers and table manners. Here’s a sample:
Use utensils to distract. Our daughter, Erin, used to windmill her arms during feeding, causing food to fly everywhere. Our solution? We put a plastic spoon into each of her hands to occupy her while we fed her with a third spoon. You can also try placing toys with suction cups on the highchair tray and letting the child play with them while she’s fed. And of course, there is the tried-and-true spoon-airplane trick — food will land safely into baby’s eager mouth while keeping her entertained.

I do this with the Little Guy! You can read the rest of Dr. Sears’s advice at the above link.

What are strategies you use to control your little one at the table? Do you enjoy mealtimes together?

Oh, also, there’s a story on a subject for parents with babies as well as toddlers. BPA, a chemical found in many plastic products, can have health consequences. I searched high and low for good BPA-free bottles for the Little Guy, and it is always good to use BPA-free plastics for toddlers and yourself of course. You can read more about steps being taken to eliminate BPA in products we use for out little ones at ReviewingBabyGear.com.