Kids are good at a lot of things; we sometimes forget that in addition to being sweet, playing, causing trouble, and refusing to eat their veggies, kids are also very good at picking up on our feelings. We often do not give them credit for this amazing ability, but when we’re worried, unhappy, anxious, distracted, irritated, or mad, they know. We may think we’re good at hiding it, but they know. Even babies can pick up on their parents’ emotions. What kids cannot do as well is to ascertain why we are feeling what we’re feeling. So, if they perceive that we’re upset, they may think it is because of them. Children are very self-centered, and while they do pick up on our feelings, they tend to think they are the cause of them. The other day, Peanut told me my face looked sad. I didn’t think it did, but she could tell. They always know.
The reason I’m bringing this up is that we are hearing some very scary, very disturbing things in the news lately about the economy. Unless you’re a billionaire with bricks of cash in your mattress, you have to be worried about your job, your house, your savings, your retirement fund, and your future. It doesn’t help that every time we turn on the news, something else catastrophic seems to have happened. We hear the words “crisis,” “recession,” and more daily. It is only natural that the anxiety we have is palpable to our little ones, even toddlers.
So, how do you deal with your stress without making your child a nervous wreck? How can you help your children deal with what is going on, when they don’t understand? When I was little, my parents often struggled to pay the mortgage. I don’t think they talked to us about this, but we knew. It was terrifying to me when I was a child to think that we may not have a house. This is a situation that many people are dealing with today. Even if you’re not talking to your kids about it, you can be almost certain that they know something is up.
The best thing to do? Experts agree that you should talk to your children and be honest. Don’t try to teach them the ins and outs of the economy or detail your finances. You don’t have to tell them everything, but you should address their concerns. For instance, if you are worried about paying your bills, be upfront with your children. Tell them that your family is going to be watching your spending more carefully. Tell them that this means that they may receive less for Christmas or that they will not get the extras to which they may be accomstomed. You will be surprised how understanding your children are. I remember very vividly my parents telling me that the Easter Bunny may not leave us as much one year: I could not care less. I was more worried about having a place to live. Kids do worry about this, and I would bet that your child would not be devestated to receive a few less presents for a holiday. He may even feel better or feel like he’s helping out.
You don’t need to tell your kids the extent of your financial problems: just let them know that your family may need to make changes. Above all, let them know you are on top of the problem, that you have a plan to either fix it or make it through the difficulty, and that you feel confident of the future. Even if you have to fudge it a little, it is important that your kids know that you will take care of them and that you can handle this.
Don’t minimize their fears or patronize them by telling them not to worry. Acknowledge that their feelings are valid and be willing and available to talk to them about it. At the same time, though, make sure they know that they do not have the burden of worrying about their family. Make sure they know that you will take care of them. If you think you may lose your job, for instance, make sure your child knows that you have a plan. You can tell them that you won’t be going to your regular job. Instead, you may be going to a training or placement program or starting a new job. If you don’t talk to them, they’ll know something is wrong. They’ll know you’re doing something different, and they’ll be scared. If you outline your plan briefly, they will feel better. Some kids just need to know that they are not the source of your anxiety. Other kids may need a more in-depth explanation or to know that you are aware of the problem and will fix it. Again, don’t tell them everything but give them enough information (presented in a positive way) to help them understand and cope.
If you want some more info and advice on talking to your kids about these trying financial times, check out these sites:
http://www.kiplinger.com/columns/drt/archive/2008/dt081001.html
http://www.momlogic.com/2008/09/the_economic_crisis_and_your_k.php
(this one also covers how to tell your kids you can’t afford things they want)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27052582/
http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/parenting/archives/2008/09/10-secrets-to-help-your-childr.html
A lot of experts are saying that a big part of this current crisis is due to lack of confidence and panic. It’ll take a lot to resolve it, but restoring our own confidence in the future is a good step to our own personal well being and that of our children.
Edited Oct 10 4:18: I was watching the Early Show on CBS this morning, and they had a piece in which a reporter went to a school to interview fifth graders on the financial crisis. They all knew something was going on but their understanding of it was funny. One child said that a recession was free time when you could do what you wanted. Like after lunch, you had recession. The reporter asked another child what he would say to Henry Paulsen if he met him in the mall. The kid replied that he’d say that Mr. Paulsen should be fixing things, and how was he going to get anything done if he was at the mall? This made me laugh out loud. A little girl said that it was a good idea to cut down on purchases and stick to the essentials - food, water, shampoo, and conditioner. Upon reflection, this thrifty child said she could make do without conditioner. So cute! But it also tells us that children do know something is amiss - they just don’t really understand what. It’s a good idea just to give them a brief, age-appropriate explanation.
), wait until Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving. According to the article, stores will practically be giving away stuff in order to lure in shoppers. If you want a jumpstart or at least some ideas before then, Esquire has compiled a list of the 30 Hottest Toys for the season. The list has toys for babies on up. There’s a range of products, from learning video games (the Fisher-Price Smart Cycle pictured above is a video game/exercise bike in one) to Mr. Potato Head. And even books. Don’t overlook books as Christmas presents. I’m guessing that out of all the toys you could get your toddler, books would be among the most well-used and long-lasting.
