Parenting Toddlers

I’m sure everyone is intensely curious about how Peanut’s potty training is going…it’s amazing what parents like to hear about, huh? Or maybe it’s just me. Anyway, it’s going GREAT!!! I can’t believe it. When I wrote last, we had decided to have Peanut wear underwear all day. Her habit was to pee in her underwear a few times until she broke me down and I put her in a diaper. So, now matter what, we were going to keep putting underwear on her. We got a few packs, as well as some stickers for rewards, and we were ready to go.

The first afternoon, we went to her grandmother’s to visit, and she peed through two pairs in about two hours. The next day, she did the same thing. We went through about four pairs that day. At one point, she had a tremendous tantrum because she wanted to wear a diaper. I let her cry and held her a bit, but then put the underwear back on. (Is she going to turn out to be a serial killer?? Will she have to go in therapy when she’s older??). The next day, it was like a different kid. Every single time she had to go, she’d tell me. One pair of underwear that day. Amazing!! It’s been like that all week. She’ll stop playing, which was a big issue before, she’ll tell us when she has to go.

Even more amazing, she hates diapers now. We were putting them on her for car rides, naptime, and bed time. Now, we let her go in the car without a diaper. We made a 45 minute trip with no incidents - we just made sure she went before and after. Today, I went to put a diaper on her for naptime, and she said, “Babies wear diapers.” She was refusing to let me put it on! Two weeks ago, this kid pitched a fit about wearing underwear. I thought she’d be wearing a diaper to college! Now, she hates them. I just can’t get over it.

After the first few days, she stopped wanting stickers or treats. I even offered to give her money for her piggy bank. She doesn’t want anything.

I’d like to attribute this to my stellar parenting, but I really just think she was ready to go. No amount of “encouraging” will do the trick until they are ready to do it. I don’t know what clicked in her head, but I’m so glad it did. With the baby coming, I am very relieved to have her off to such a good head start. That way, if she does regress a little, at least I’m confident she’ll get back on track quickly.

I’m very proud of her, and we tell her that all the time. We let her know what a big accomplishment it is, and that seems to be enough of a reward for her now.

We’d also read a few potty training books with Peanut. A great one is The New Potty by Gina and Mercer Mayer. I love Little Critter books anway, and this one was cool because it was written according to the boy’s point of view as he watched his little sister’s potty training process.

I sometimes wonder why people have kids. The other day I took Peanut out to the playground. We live in an apartment complex, so there are often other children playing. I saw four kids but was too far away to see who they were. I did see, however, a little kid flinging around a baby like she was a doll. I went closer and saw that a child, who was eight or so, was “playing” with her sister. By playing, I mean she was moving her around from slide to swing to see-saw to the ground and back again. I was surprised the poor kid wasn’t getting shaken baby syndrome with all the rough treatment. She was crying, clearly very upset and unhappy. The girl, who I REPEAT, was about eight, was in charge of watching her AND her two cousins. So this eight year old was watching three children. I don’t even think an eight year old should watch herself!! And where were her parents? Her grandparents, she told me, were inside visiting someone. They never once checked on these kids. Does anyone else find it absurd that an eight year old (I know I keep repeating that, but it just astonishes me to no end) was responsible for three children on a playground. The baby was just one! At one point, the girl asked me to check her little sister’s diaper. I mean, come on! I’m a stranger, and yet these kids were looking to me as a babysitter. First of all, this is sad. Second of all, they’ll trust anyone (I happen to be trustworthy), third of all, they need parental supervision!! I still can’t believe this.

So the baby is still crying, and the girl thinks it’s because she has a sunburn. I said, “Do you think your grandparents would mind if we put some sunscreen on her?” I don’t think her grandparents would have minded if I took them all inside and fed them. Really! So anyway, I got some sunscreen and the older child put it on the younger ones. At one point, the girl took her cousin inside to get changed (he was about three), leaving a four year old and the baby on the playground. So the baby kept trying to go inside - by crossing a huge parking lot. I - who these people do not know from Adam - was trying to keep her from getting hit by a car. Because the four year old really wasn’t a great babysitter. Then they were all back again for more fun and playing unsupervised. Oh, I guess that was my job??

Anyway, finallly Grandma poked her head out to yell at the girl. “Why is that baby crying?” Hmmmm….maybe the baby realizes the f’ed up situation they’re in! My God! She was a baby!! A BABY!!! Babies need supervision, and an eight year old babysitter does not count.

This infuriated me. I feel bad a lot because I work at home, and I feel like I neglect Peanut. I feel like I could play more with her and all that - but I would never send her outside by herself. You never know who else is out there, first. Second, you never know if they will hurt themselves. It is absolutely ridiculous. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, that people who take the time to read a parenting blog wouldn’t dream of leaving their baby with a child babysitter, but it just really made me mad. It made we wonder why people have kids, kids, and more kids when they clearly don’t want to play with them, pay them attention, or care for them. I know these were grandparents, but I feel like that still applies when children are in your care.

It just makes no sense - I just wanted to scream at these people. And I very rarely scream!!

This is an on-going issue for us. Peanut is going to the potty! Peanut is refusing to go to the potty! Everyday is different. I’m kind of in a mental rush to get it done before her brother arrives. I have a feeling she’ll want to act like a baby for a while when he gets here. Anyway, I’m trying not to show her my anxiousness to get it done, because she’s likely to regress just to irritate me. Yes, she really does this!
Anyway, she just likes wearing a diaper. I will try her in underpants. Within a little while, she usually goes pee or poop in them (love my big people vocabulary). I change them, and she does it again. She does this because she knows eventually I will get exasperated and put her in a diaper. She’s a smarty. Her father and I have decided to crack down (in a nice, loving way). We went to the store and bought a bunch of underwear. She can soil them all she wants…we’re just going to keep putting them on. Her father’s theory is that eventually she’ll just start using the potty. We are also giving her stickers whenever she goes, which she seems to respond to. We were giving her little candies, but if she goes several times a day, that gets a little ridiculous. Plus, she doesn’t really respond to food as well as other things. She said yesterday that she should get money for going. I’ll do that! I can get her to do chores for like three cents, so she can definatley have a penny for her piggy bank for going to the potty. Whatever! I’ll bribe her. If she knew what a check was, I’d write her a big one for going. I’m at the point where I just want it done. But this is mostly because I don’t want to be taking care of an infant (and washing cloth diapers) and have to deal with Peanut’s diapers. I know that I can’t plan her life around the baby’s, but it would be nice to get her situated before he comes (only a month left, so I’m doubtful!).
So, we’re going to try the underwear and the stickers or pennies and see if that works. I may also use a potty training chart like the one above. Maybe she could put her stickers on that whenever she goes so she can have a visual reminder of her good work.

What has worked for other people? I know some people said their children took to it right away, they were potty trained in the course of a summer. Not mine! What are you doing to get your child using the potty? What has NOT worked?

One of my pet peeves is when people try to discipline my daughter. I’m sure as parents of rambunctious and not always angelic toddlers, you have encountered this yourself. What I am NOT talking about is when someone is watching your child. In that case, it is perfectly appropriate and necessary for someone else to discipline your child. When Peanut goes to her grandmother’s or is playing with one of her aunts, I expect her to listen to them. What I hate, though, is when I am there and trying to tell Peanut not to do something or to do something or whatever else, someone feels the need to jump in. My parents do this all the time. At their house, Peanut sits in her high chair for dinner. She loves to play with the foot rest, which bangs down and makes a loud, irritating noise. I tell her not to, and all of a sudden she has three different people talking at her all at once. I feel like it drowns out my voice, which is the one she should be listening to when I’m there. But, that’s my parents. I sort of have had to come to the conclusion that I just need to deal with that. They know I’m a good parent - I think they’re honestly trying to help.

My sister, though, is a different story. She is younger than me and doesn’t have children. Not that this means Peanut doesn’t need to listen to her, but again, not when I’m right there and trying to discipline her. I’ll be telling her not to do something - throw a ball inside, for instance - and my sister will jump in as if I’m not saying anything. The part that really bothers me is that she doesn’t know anything about kids or raising them. She took Peanut to the store and asked if she rode in her carseat backwards. She’s almost three! That’s not to say anything against her, but don’t tell me how to raise my kid when you clearly don’t know the basics. Do you know what I mean? The reason why I’m so quick to bristle when my sister tells Peanut what to do is that she is implicitly criticizing my parenting. My parents, while irritating at times, do not. I know this is true because she has questioned my actions and those of Peanut’s father in the past. When Peanut was a baby, she was in her crib crying. I let her cry a bit. This teaches the baby to soothe herself and maybe put herself back to sleep. My sister looked at me and said, “Aren’t you going to comfort her?” Like I was engaging in child abuse. “No.” That’s all I said. Did I have to explain to her that that’s how you teach your baby to sleep through the night? You let them cry a little now and then. That’s why Peanut slept through the night at three months. Anyway, she does this constantly. “Isn’t she cold? Shouldn’t you put a sweater on her? Or a hat?” She thinks I let Peanut watch too much tv, that I let her stay up too late, that I’m a terrible parent. I just can’t stand how someone with no experience with children feels the need to question my parenting. Someone who can’t even change a diaper. And yes, she’s tried. I had to jump in halfway through.

I love my sister, but I just can’t stand this attitude. I’m glad, though, that it’s not my parents or my partner’s parents. That’d be too much. With my sister, I can just chalk it up to not knowing a thing about the real world.

There - I got that off my chest. Does anyone else have this happen to them? Annoying, isn’t it??

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Lately, Peanut has started to say things like, “Go away, Mom. I hate you.” The other day, in the car, she said, “Mommy, I love you.” Awww…sweet. So I say, “I love you too.” Our warm fuzzy moment ended when she said, “But sometimes I hate you too.” Seriously. I asked why. “Because sometimes I like to go to Grandma’s instead.” Does she like Grandma better?? She has become quite taken with saying this, even though I don’t give her a big reaction. I know this is normal, so I’m not freaking out too much. But being told your firstborn hates you time after time can get old! The weird part is that she’s so calm and matter-of-fact when she says it. Has this ever happened to you? I thought that if she ever said that to me, it would be when she was angry. No, it seems to be just random. One night we were brushing her teeth, and she said “I love you.” Then immediately after. “I hate you too.” Does she even know what it means? I think she does - at least a little. I know she hates when I discipline her because both Grandmas don’t tend to do it. But she never says it when she gets punishment or I take away a toy or something like that. It’s always at the oddest moments. Anyway, I’m sure it’s a phase - like her little experiment with swearing. But it’s a phase I hope doesn’t last too long.

This weekend, Peanut went camping with her grandparents. Two whole nights without her…that was weird. You’d think I’d sleep in or something, but no. Anyway, I missed her, but she had a great time. At one point, though, she told her grandmother, “Mommies and Daddies are home with their kids. But not Peanut.” Awww…don’t you feel bad for this kid? She didn’t want to come home today, so I think she made it through without me all right. Anyway, her grandparents were extremely impressed with her, and all because of my stellar parenting skills.

She was playing with an older girl at the campground. She was around five or six, and they were running around, playing Peanut’s favorite game, Chase. Basically, she just runs like crazy and expects you to keep up. I’m about nine thousand months pregnant, so I can’t play! Anyway, it’s good to have another energetic kid. So, they’re running around, and at one point, they got a bit too close to the road. Before her grandparents could say anything, Peanut said, “We’re too close to the road. We have to go back.” They continue their game, and again, Peanut noticed that they were too far from Grandma and Grandpa. “We’re too far away. We have to go back.” She told her grandparents that she had to stay where they could see her.

They were super impressed that she did this on her own. The self-discipling child! I tell her that constantly. Where I live, people just let their kids go outside and do whatever. If I can’t see Peanut for even a second, I freak out. So I always tell her that she needs to play where I can see her. If she strays from the playground and a little too close to the parking lot, she gets another little reminder. This is the first time I’d been given some evidence that she listens when I’m not there. It’s a good feeling! It can seem like you’re talking to a brick wall sometimes, but don’t worry. Your toddlers are picking up so much, and they really do listen to you and take what you have to say seriously. So that was good confirmation that I’m doing one thing right. Her new habit of saying, “Go away, Mom. I hate you,” however, is a whole other story.

I wanted to talk about cloth diapers for my own selfish reasons. I’m expecting a baby in September, and I really want to try doing cloth diapers. I used (ok, use, present tense) disposable diapers with Peanut, and I want to cut down on the amount of landfill space I personally use! Plus, I’ve heard it’s cheaper, so that’s always great. Does anyone out there use these for your toddlers? I’m concerned about leaking, and I’m also concerned that I won’t fold the diapers up right so everything will just come out anyway! I’m also a little clueless as to cloth diapers - there is actually quite the variety out there. I got some prefolded Chinese diapers with some covers, but there are also all-in-one diapers and more. It’s hard to know where to start. I’m sure there are other toddler parents out there who may have younger children and want to start doing this. I think it’s great - though more work. If you have any thoughts or advice about cloth diapers, let us know! I would definately appreciate it, and I’m sure a lot of other parents would as well.

PS - The book What My Toddler Ate Today is still up for grabs. If you’d like it, just email me and tell me a bit about your toddler’s eating habits. This book can be a great tool for you and your child.