Parenting Toddlers

I love naptime. It’s my favorite time of day. I can work, nap, clean up, read. And, luckily for me, Peanut doesn’t mind naptime either. Experts say that toddlers need between 13 and 14 hours of sleep each day - 11 or 12 at night and a 1-2 hour nap. Until age four, toddlers don’t get enough sleep at night. They need the nap to get them through the rest of the day.

Your toddler should nap everyday. Having a routine helps to keep resistance down. Peanut gets a nap everyday. It’s not always at the same time because of our schedule, but it is consistent. Usually, she cries and says she doesn’t need a nap, but she heads for bed anyway. She knows she does. She always naps in her room with her buddy Bo. If she is really having a hard time with it, I ask her to think of something fun to do after she takes her nap. I put the gate up in her room, which encourages her to stay in bed and not come looking for me, and she’s usually out before too long.

I’m lucky, and I dread the day when she’s too big for a nap. What do you do though if your toddler refuses to nap?

Maybe switch the nap time. Peanut used to sleep at about ten in the morning. Now, she can make it until about one or two before she needs a nap. If your child is refusing to sleep, maybe you can switch the time a bit to see if that helps.

Make sure it is as dim as possible in the room. It’s hard to know it’s nice and sunny and older kids are out playing while you have nap. If you can make it dark and quiet, that’s best. Toddlers hate to miss anything, so minimize the distractions.

Don’t give in and let your child get up if he’s resisting. You can tell if your child is tired - Peanut gets so cranky and adamant that she does not need a nap that it’s an instant signal that she does. Don’t lie down with your children because they get used to falling asleep with you there and have a much harder time falling asleep on their own.

Try not to let your toddler fall asleep in the car or on your way home from somewhere. Peanut always does this. We’ll be out doing errands and when we’re two minutes from home, she’ll fall asleep. The problem is that if she doesn’t get back to sleep when we get home, she won’t get enough sleep. I try to keep her awake for those two extra minutes by talking to her. If she does fall asleep, I try to carry her quietly to bed. I talk quietly and soothingly and make it clear that she’s going for her nap. It sometimes works, and it sometimes doesn’t.

If your child sleeps well at night, it may be possible that he doesn’t need a rest during the day. I would say this is not all that common, and most likely, your child needs a nap. You are the expert, though, so if your toddler is happy, active, and not cranky and can stay up all day, that’s fine - you may need a nap or two though!

Share your naptime tips with us. What do you do to make sure your child gets enough sleep?

This picture is from Cateyesccj’s blog at http://cateyesccj.wordpress.com/2008/03/10/blog-that-interest-me-this-week/.

Help! I’m currently trying to potty train my daughter. I think I jinxed myself because we tried this when she was about a year and a half. We just put the potty in the bathroom in case she was interested and so she’d get used to it. The first few days, she used it! She actually went. And of course, I had to say, “She’s going to potty train herself. I won’t need to do anything. Why do people make such a big deal out of this? It’s easy.” That’s also what I said when I first took her home from the hospital and she slept through the night. “Why do people complain. It’s not bad at all.” She didnt’ sleep again for three months, so karma did come back to bite me.

Anyway, the problem with potty training now is that she has no interest in it. I ask her if she wants to go and she says no. I ask her why. She just doesn’t like it. I tell her to tell me the next time she has to go and we’ll use the potty. Nope. And we even bribe her! A few M&Ms when she goes. She always asks to use the bathroom after she’s gone in her diaper.

I found a guide to potty training at the Mayo Clinic website and there is a checklist for potty readiness. One of the questions is does your child understand simple questions and can he/she tell you when he has to go to the bathroom? Peanut can understand complex questions, give complex answers, she knows when she has to go. She just does not choose to.

My quandry is whether to make her. Like enough is enough already. Or just continue to encourage - bribe - her until she does it on her own. I’m fine if she has accidents or doesn’t make it to the toilet in time. But I want her to at least try. The Mayo Clinic also gives some tips. If you want to check them out, click here.

What are you doing that gets your child to go to the bathroom? Treats, bribes, regularly scheduled bathroom breaks? Yelling and screaming? (Just kidding - I don’t want Peanut to need therapy when she grows up.)

I was reading the news today, and everything was about rising gas prices and food prices and heating oil prices and everything prices. It makes me anxious, especiallly having a child and one on the way. I’m sure there are a lot of people in the same position. The good thing about kids, though, is that you can do a great job raising them no matter what your money situation is like.

When I was pregnant with Peanut, I was kind of sad that I couldn’t afford to get all the things that I had pictured for her nursery - and in the apartment we lived in then, she wouldn’t have her own room anyway. Then I realized how ridiculous I was. Babies don’t care how their rooms are decorated. They don’t care if they sleep in their parents’ room (which she did even when we moved to a larger apartment and had her own room). They don’t care if their crib sheets match the curtains. All of those things are about the adults anyway. A baby needs love, food, and safety. Period. That’s it.

When babies grow up, their needs change of course. They need more. They need toys that will stimulate them, they need more books, they need art supplies. I grew up with five siblings and our mom was a teacher. We never had a lot of money, but we had things we needed. The rest we either made or pretended we had. We made kites out of plastic store bags and footballs out of milk jugs. I definately think we’re all creative because of this!

You may not be in that extreme a situation, but does your child need every new toy that comes along? Do her toys need to be expensive? My daughter loves these little puppies that come in the machines in front of stores. For fifty cents, she gets a toy and is thrilled. Plus, she has quite a collection for only a few bucks. I bought my daughter a little computer for Christmas, but that’s not the only way your child will learn. Books, which are so easy to find free or cheap, are awesome learning tools. Listening to the radio, talking about what you see at the store or the post office, going to the park, taking a walk…these are all free and things your children will enjoy. Where we live, we have to travel quite a ways to get anywhere. If we want to get dish soap and laundry detergent, it’s like a day trip. I’ve been feeling bad that there isn’t a zoo around to take Peanut to - the nearest one is literally in a different country. But, you know, she’d have just as much fun if I took her to a farm to see cows, horses, and sheep. We have expectations of how we want our children’s childhoods to be, but our kids will grow up strong and healthy and happy if we just spend time with them.

As parents of toddlers, we’re lucky. Our kids still want to spend time with us. That’s really what they need. They will not love you more if you buy them more. Definately not. To tell you the truth, I haven’t bought Peanut more than a few presents for big things like Christmas and birthdays. First, because she gets a lot from her relatives. Second, because she gets overwhelmed with a lot of stuff thrown at her at once. Third, she’ll open her presents and then go back to playing with her old, third-hand stuffed dog that she’s had since she was a few months old. And honestly, it is much better for us to use our money to save, pay bills, buy essentials, than it is to buy her new, expensive toys that she’ll use once or twice.

Plus, there are a lot of toys that are cheap and not so flashy. Crayons, paper, play dough, paint - all of these are affordable and let your child be creative. They’re fun too. Peanut was excited for spring so she could play in the mud puddles…they don’t expect expensive things.

I apologize if this is stuff you already do or know, but seeing the price of everything go up makes me think that raising children is getting harder and harder to do. One thing that you can stress less about, though, is their quality of life and their love for you. That doesn’t have a monetary value, and you can raise the best kid with very little money.

I grew up in a family with five siblings - my daughter is an only child for the moment, and the difference is enormous. She is also the first grandchild on both sides of our family, so she is the center of a lot of people’s attention. She has seven people who only have one neice and four grandparents with only one grandchild. She is spoiled (not by me, of course!). But, in a few months, she will be joined by a little sister. For now, she seems to like the idea. She even says she will share her stuffed dogs with the baby (for Peanut, that is like sharing a vital organ).

She pats my belly and sometimes asks if the baby is still in there. We talk about things we will do when the baby is born and how I will sometimes have to pay a bit more attention to the little one because she needs me for things like eating that Peanut can do herself. She seems to understand. But I think a lot of her excitement about the baby is due to the attention she is getting now. We talk about Peanut’s little sister and how she’ll be a great big sister to her. I don’t think she understands that the baby is going to stay here forever and that her life will change quite a bit. I’m kind of anticipating some hard feelings on her part.

There are a lot of parents of toddlers who are in this situation. What are some things you can do to smooth over the transition and try to keep sibling rivalry to minimum?

**My good friend had a three year old son when she was pregnant with her daughter. She had him pick out a present for his little sister and bring it to the hosptial when she was born. The baby also had a present (picked out by mom) to give to her brother. I thought this was a great idea.

**I’m going to work with Peanut to make a family photobook for the new baby. We’re going to take pictures of everyone together and then make a great book. She can glue, cut (sort of) and decorate it. Then, when the baby is born, we can read it to her together. Attention for both of them. I am also making two blankets with the same fabric - one little, one big. Peanut wants to give the blanket to her sister, so I thought it’d be cute if her sister gave one to her too.

Things get more fun when the kids get bigger and can fight about toys and attention and how things aren’t fair.

**Whenever possible, stay out of things. Let them try to work it out.

**If they start hitting each other or screaming beyond your threshhold, seperate them until they’re calm.

**Don’t blame one child or the other.

**Try to work out a compromise. If they want the same toy, you could have them play together. If they refuse and still fight, you can take the toy and put it away so they can’t see it. They’ll move on, hopefully to seperate toys.

**Make sure each child has his share of one-on-one attention. Do things with them that are special and allow you to spend some quality time together. This is hard if you are a single parent, but maybe you could do it during nap time or have a friend or relative babysit one or the other. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, even ten minutes a day or so is great for your child - and you.

**Do things as a whole group. Have fun together.

**Don’t compare your children.

**Teach them that fair isn’t always equal. One will need things the other doesn’t at certain points.

There are some other great tips at the University of Michigan child topics page. Click here to see more.

As always, there are things that work for your children that may not work for others. Or things that work sometimes and not others. You just have to find the right thing for your children. If you have any strategies or tips to share with other parents of toddlers who also have infants, please share them. I could use some expert advice too. Also, if you want to check out some other great parenting sites, try 451 Press.

Randi, who wrote this blog before me, has the two most well-behaved children in the history of the world.
My fiance had lunch with Randi, her husband, and her children at a busy restaurant. We had to wait awhile for the food, and my daughter would have required a LOT of distraction so she wouldn’t go nuts. These kids sat pleasantly and colored or talked. My favorite part: they started a mini-argument about who got to play a video game first when they got home. Randi and her husband stayed out of it, and the older child said, “Ok. You can play it first because I played it first yesterday.” I was amazed. I grew up with five siblings, and we probably would have been hitting each other at this point. The younger child said, “Thank you.” And that was that.
I don’t know what she does to them! When Peanut gets upset - really really upset - she immediately assumes the tantrum position. She arches her back and falls to the floor. Her face gets all red and she looks like a crazy woman. There’s no talking to her at this point. She doesn’t hear me - or doesn’t listen anyway.
I have to just ignore her until she winds down to whimpers. The funny thing is that it is hard to know what will set her off. Usually, she’s the most mellow kid ever. She picks up when I ask her to. She cleans up after herself when I tell her to. She goes to bed when I tell her to. She’s great. Then, I’ll ask her to pick her Cheerios off the floor and throw them away. She’ll just come apart. She can go for a LONG time too! So, what should I do in this situation? Here are some expert tips for dealing with a temper tantrum:

Ignore your child. This is really hard to do because tantrums get under your skin like nothing else. Just stay calm…yelling at your child will definately not help here, neither will spanking. It will make them cry harder, you’ll get madder, and nothing good happens.
Just sit there and go about your business. If you’re at home, go into another room. Tantrums are about attention. That’s why they’re so theatrical and dramatic. Don’t try to talk, soothe, discipline. Just stop and wait for it to end.

Be consistent. Sometimes tantrums occur in stores when your toddler wants a treat. If you give in sometimes but not others, you’re giving your child mixed messages. Make sure they know what to expect. Before you go into the store, say, “If you’re good, you can pick out a treat.” My daughter likes little 25 cent crackers. If she’s not good, she doesn’t get them. End of story. No exceptions. That way she knows she has to listen. If you don’t choose to get your child a snack (because they should behave without bribery or dinner is soon), make sure they know it before you go into the store. Be clear - they’ll usually listen if you tell them the reason simply and firmly.
Also, don’t take your child into the store when he’s tired or cranky or hungry if you can help it. This is great fodder for a tantrum.

Your toddler picks up on your moods. When you’re grouchy or impatient, they seem to take longer to do everything. Don’t snap at them. Make yourself calm down. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Let them take their time if you can.

Have a regular routine. This way your toddler knows what to expect.

Don’t give in during a tantrum…if you do, your child will know that it is a great way to get what she wants. That means even more lovely episodes in the future.

Send your child to his room. Close the door or put up a gate so they don’t get out. They’ll wind down without having an audience.

If your child is kicking and punching and thrashing around, restrain him gently so he doesn’t hurt himself. Also, if he is hitting you, DO NOT put up with it. Hold his arms, or better yet, put him in his room. Don’t let your child think it is ever ok to hit you.

Try to stop tantrums before they start. They usually occur when children are tired, hungry, or otherwise cranky. This doesn’t mean you have to give into all of your child’s demands when he’s tired or hungry. It means that you have to make sure to speak extra nicely and softly and reasonably. Remember, don’t give in once you’ve made your decision.

After you’ve dealt with the tantrum, hug and hold your child. This lets them know that even if you said no and they behaved badly, you still love them. This is so important for little kids to know. You can try talking about what is wrong but don’t push it. Be calm.

When Peanut has a tantrum, her father gets a little offended, like she’s doing it directly to piss him off. Remember that yes, of course they want to get to you. That’s why tantrums are so effective. They want to get their way. But you are an adult…deal with it. It is perfectly normal and it will pass. Your child loves you more than anyone in the world - she looks to you for guidance and acceptance. Let her know her behavior is wrong but you love her. Teach her how to calm herself down and to listen to you.

For Christmas, we bought Peanut a LeapFrog Clickstart. Whenever I was doing work on the computer, she wanted to “work” too. (She espeically likes YouTube.) I thought a kid computer would be great - she’s a little young according to their age recommendation, but I thought she could struggle with it and learn better. Plus, it’d be around longer. Anyway, I decided on the Clickstart by LeapFrog. It’s a cute little computer. It plugs into your tv (buy an adapter too so you don’t have to use batteries). The keyboard is wireless, so you can sit with your toddler on the couch or the floor while she uses it.

The keyboard itself is really cute…looks like a dog and comes in green and pink. It comes with four games, two of which use the keyboard and two of which use the mouse. That’s my only problem with the computer. The mouse is really hard to use. I don’t mean only for two or three year olds…I had problems with it! The mouse pad is attached to the keyboard and is really small. Little hands that don’t have their coordination down have problems - the mousepad is smaller than a regular one you’d use on your own computer. It is hard to maneuver.

I thought the computer would sit and gather dust because both Peanut and I would get frustrated. She couldn’t handle the mouse well at all. But surprisingly, she kept at it. She sat in my lap at first. I put my hand on the mouse to control it and had her put hers on top of mine. This worked well. Now, a few months later, she can do the mouse games. It’s still tough for her and I wish the mouse pad was bigger, but she can play it on her own.

You can also buy other games to play on the Clickstart…Thomas the Train, Nemo, the Backyardigans, Dora, and others. I would love a Clifford or Curious George one - so hopefully, they’ll make more games.

You can buy Clickstart at Wal-Mart or other box stores or online. They’re easy to find and pretty affordable. They’re about $50, which is great if your toddler can use it for two or three years.
If your child is up for a challenge, I’d definately recommend this. At first, you’re going to have to spend a lot of time playing it with them…I had planned on turning it on for her and letting her play while I checked my email and things like that. That doesn’t really work. You need to be actively involved, especially until they get the mouse action down.